what can i do to help my sister??

My Sister has suffered with anxiety and panic attacks for the past year or so and had her worst attack yet on tuesday morning, she was found by her partner passed out at the bottom of her stairs completly out of it. She was referred on for tests as they thought it could be her heart but after seeing her GP he advised that the episode stems from her anxiety and must have had a severe panic attack.

It seems it hits her worse when she has to go to work, which is awful for her as she loves what she does she's a nursery nurse and is great with the kids.

She has been given some meds from her GP and hopefully she will be referred on for some counselling.

I feel really helpless as i don't live near my sister anymore so don't get to see her very often which i feel really guilty about. I really want to help her but at a loss as to what i can do??!! I'm going to see her today and after reading some info on the net i'm taking her a yoga/pilates dvd as i've read that gentle exersize and relaxation are good. But not sure what to say or do to make her feel better about herself.

Any suggestions from sufferers or past sufferers as she doesn't open up to me much and i don't think she even knows how we can help.

Bye for now x

hiya cookie, i think its lovely that you are trying to help ur sister
does she have acsess to a computer and can she also join here. here is a post done by a suffer and i think it may help your sis as well.


Hi peeps I aint posted one of these in some time and given that we have new members I thought it would be good to do one again.

Ok Anxiety remember is just a physical reaction to the chemical Adrenalin that is being overly produced by our bodies, it can produce many nasty horrible feelings , BUT that is all it can do produce feelings, its what we do with them feelings that matters .....

So for some of those symptoms try the following

Shaking hands or limbs - clench the hands tight like a fist , hold it and take a deep breath in throught your nose , release the fist as you release the breath out through your nose, by doing this slowly and calmly Not only are we releasing the adrenalin that has built up but we are also taking control of our breathing which will calm our nervous system down.

Lump in throat or tight throat - If you suffer with this then it is usually because when we are tense we walk around with our TOUNGE permanantly place up in the roof of our mouth clenched and tight, and by doing this we IMMEDIATLY tense the throat and jaw area , causing muscle tension , so make a effort to check where your tounge is placed in the mouth and attempt to keep it lowered ,

Pain in shoulders and neck / headaches -- again when tense we walk or sit with our shoulders hunched up around our ears , this causes tension in the neck and head , drop the shoulders , keep a eye on where you hold them and if you feel pain or discomfort when you do this its Ok its Just that your body isnt used to feeling relaxed given time you will re-train yourself to carry yourself properly and in a more relaxed state.

Palpitations - - Horrible I know but is yet another symptom of anxiety , We do tend to monitor it when we feel our heart going ten to the dozen and this is where we make it seem much worse than it actually is - TRY TO REMEMBER A STRONG FAST BEATING HEART IS A GOOD HEART and no harm will come to you or your heart,, if at night time you struggle to sleep for listening to your own heart when lieing down then place to pillows on the bed and rest your head on the crack between the two pillows , this will help you to stop monitering and listening to yourself.

Dizzy or sick spells - again Not nice but very common , when we have anxiety we burn off sugar very fast or we dont eat enough , you should really be trying to eat 4 or 5 small meals a day rather than 2 or 3 large ones and if you feel sick or dizzy then try a sweet cup of tea or a buiscuit to help replenish your sugar levels , every symptom you feel has a logical explanation for it and once you discover how to help yourself beating anxiety becomes much easier.


Depersonalization - this is simply a result of a tired mind , when we have anxiety we seem to think about things 24/7 and of course this tires us out , instead of curling up in bed or on the sofa praying this stops simply do the breathing excersise for 20 minutes , doing this will give your mind time to rest and your body time to relax, doing a good excerise for 20 minutes is the same as allowing the body and mind 2 hours sleep ....... well worth doing and i suggest even if your having a good day try to do this for 20minutes at least 3 times a day this will allow you to keep your body relaxed and in the state it should be.

Intrusive thoughts ----- Horrible again belive me i been there , but remember these are JUST thoughts and again its the way we react to them that matters , dont sit there thinking and pondering about the why's if's and maybe's , get up do something , read a book , play a game crosswords or even bake some bread or cakes anything to take your mind away from your thought, its impossible to think about two things at the same time, I know it seems you can but trust me you CANT and eventually if you stick with distraction it does work .

Exercise - Essential for recovery , try to do some low impact excersises each day it may be a little walk or cycling or even swimming , Yoga is excellant for anxiety and good excerise releases the body's own nautal endorphines which makes us feel good and happy , well worth doing

Sleep - We all sruggle from time to time with our sleeping patterns , try if you can to stop nappin during the day , if you feel you must then be sensible about it , set a alarm and give yourself a hour or perhaps 2 then get up , dont lie there in a half asleep state thinking about things get up and do something constructive , if you wake during the night and struggle to get bak off to sleep again dont lie there get up , go clean or get a nice warm drink you have to start breaking the cycle and habbits that we so easily form when we suffer with anxiety or panic

Panic Attack - Ok firstly try to break the cycle of being scared something terrible is going to happen IT WONT , Runnin away simple creates more problems and makes us feel a failure , if you feel panic coming where ever you are try this

Drop your shoulders , focus on something near by - a shop window , a lamp post or even a tin of beans if your in the supermarket , take a slow deep breath in through your nose count to 4 , release it our again through the nose and repeat , tell yourself its Ok it will pass and you WILL be ok , do this for a few moments then continue with what you were doing , you may feel slightly dizzy or sick , this is Ok its as a result of your levels returning to normal , take a sweet and suck it this will help with the nausau , anyone who Knows me Knows i have a constant supply of mints in my handbag for such occasions .

you can also tale a look at the menu on the left and read panic attacks.
it is right under problems/issues.

i hope some of this helps. take care

kellie.xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Cookie, some of my friends and family will identify with your frustration. The ones that do not live nearby want to help me, but are of course not able to be here to offer comfort and support face to face.

However, I can tell you some of the things they do to help me from afar.

1. Letters, cards, and emails that remind the person with anxiety/panic disorder that he or she is loved and valued. Many of us who suffer with these illnesses have periods where even though we intellectually know we have loved ones, we still feel unloved or unworthy of love. Communications from loved ones who remind us how much we mean to them, and some of the reasons why, can often help dispel those feelings of unworthiness.

2. Offer to be a sounding board. Tell your sister that when she is feeling upset or having a bad day, fire off an email to you. Tell her she has full permission to vent all the emotions she is feeling, even the ones that are extreme or seem to be coming from nowhere. Let her know you will not judge one word of the email. Sometimes simply getting it all out in some written form helps one to begin calming down.

3. Praise her for every instance where she overcomes an anxiety attack and manages to accomplish something, no matter how routine or small it may seem to you. Anxiety and panic disorders have a way of making the the tasks that we used to do without a second thought into a monumental obstacle. Reacting positively when she tells you she managed to get through the grocery shopping or some other every day task and still hold it together will help her know you have some idea of how much it takes for her to carry on.

4. Encourage her to journal. Not only does this tool provide her with a quick way to vent her emotions, but it also offers her a place to record her successes. Being able to go back to the journal when one is having a bad day and read about how one was able to successfully complete a task or enjoy an outing last Friday can serve as a powerful reminder that the bad day will pass and more good days like last Friday will come again.

5. If there is a local support group that your sister can network with, encourage her to do so. When one realized that others are dealing with the same issues, and can see those people face to face, it can help take away some of the mystery.

6. Above all, avoid conveying the idea that there is one definitive way to deal with anxiety and panic disorders. Whether one is talking about medication, counseling, natural remedies, etc, the fact is that what does wonders for one person will have no effect on the next person. It may take time for your sister to find the right combination of treatments for her situation. When something is not working, support her in seeking out other treatments.

7. Always encourage your sister to make full disclosure to the doctor. Some of us sometimes try to sugarcoat the severity of our symptoms when we see our doctors - on some level, we sometimes have a fear of appearing to be too needy, or being overly dramatic. The doctor needs to hear the real deal, how one is really feeling, in order to have a better idea of what types of medication to prescribe, and at what dosages.

For you, you may want to spend some time on this board. I have found the people here to be very kind, and there have been a number of posts that have helped me in my own struggles with anxiety and panic attacks. You may come across something that will seem to connect with something your sister has shared with you, allowing you in turn to share the information with your sister.

Cookie it sounds like you're a great sister!

Just being there to listen emotionally and supporting her will be a great help. I know you can't be there physically so much, but being available on the phone is good too. Knowing you have someone who cares and who supports you means so much.

I agree with mtatum and kellie. One thing I found useful was to write down successes every day. No matter how small. If you feel bad and getting out of bed seems like a struggle - when you achieve it recognise that its something good. Maybe not hard for some people, but for someone unwell its a BIG achievement. Doing the washing up, or tidying (usually the first things to suffer with me!), walking to the local shop.

My husband walked me to the shop a few days after I had a particularly bad Panic Attack (PA). Just having him there helped. Maybe your sister's partner can help with this too. Try to encourage her not to let panic restrict her. She can be her own place of safety. Panic can lead to agrophobia if you let it. Its hard not to give in when doing things makes you feel bad. But you can end up doing less and less. If your sister keeps doing things even when they are hard - so long as she takes small steps and doesn't overwhelm herself - she will get better. She will come to have more confidence and belief in her ability to beat the anxiety.

With a supportive sister like you it will surely help her. :flowers:

hello cookie,

its so good that you want to help your sister, i had lots of support form my friends, and tips from them when i 1st got my painc attacks.

i think that its important that you and your sister knows what happens to you and your body as listed above, there is also a really good book that was brought for me which may me undersatd what i was going thro it was called panic attacks by christine ingham, there is a link on this website somewere to get a copy, my friend got my from a shop in town and got me a highlighter pen and told me to highlight everything that related to me and the things i can do to help myself which was good when i felt like i was getting worked up i could refure to it.

I also got given a big note book to recored my painc attacks and what i was doing like a diray, what i had to eat and drink and what i was doing and how i was feeling, then my friend could read it, as i never really wanted to talk about it to anyone, as talking about it seemed to bring on anther attack for me.

Also cooking was good as if you like you doing something from start to finish, not that i am good at cook but i had fun doing, as my friend would come round and help out.

There are lots of things out there to try relaxing yourself. i have found baths with lavander oil in, resucu remadie and other flower reamadies.

hope some of this has helped.
Amanda xx