Existential fear, ocd, ruminating….has anyone overcame this?

Hello everyone, im struggling with all things existential, fear of death, what is life, why does anything exist, time scares me. I’ve had this off and on since I was a kid, I was put on Paxil because of it, now my Paxil doesn’t work, and I react adversely to other meds. I know this is part of my anxiety and depression, and the content doesn’t matter,, but the thoughts feel like I can really grasp them, like I understand them and they scare me, almost like I’m the only one who understands something no one else does.

Has anyone successfully conquered this? Does anyone else feel like this? Like with this feeling that you understand something horrible that other people don’t?

I just feel really alone and I feel like I won’t ever be able to be happy again.

I do completely understand it. At some point I realised most ofthe older people I knew had lost that fear so I just tried to wait for it to diminish.
At 60 (and lost my brother last week) I genuinely don't feel afraid of death at all. I still have days when I question everything.
It's because we re human and we have a tiny grasp of the questions we don't have answers for; they are huge questions, and much bigger than we are. But it will all be fine, trust yourself to grow and cope. x