Re: I am beyond terrified. I think it’s real this time.
I think because I found the symptoms so early no one believes me and just says it is the surgery damage. I know my foot has been sunken in for many months. At least 6 if not more, but I never noticed the muscles dancing and twitching when I flex my toes until the other day. I’m going to see a neurologist this week hopefully. I am in Korea at the moment so it’s going to be challenging but I need to hear what they say about this when I show them the symptoms.
I made a bet with my boyfriend today. I said that of it turns out not to be that disease I will give him £1000 because I’m so convinced at this point. I’m so scared. I’m only 27 and I just have this terrible gut feeling about this one. I also have an appointment with a therapist tomorrow, but I don’t know how much help it will do.
Re: I am beyond terrified. I think it’s real this time.
With the greatest respect, you're deluded.
Re: I am beyond terrified. I think it’s real this time.
Quote:
Originally Posted by
niknakx
I made a bet with my boyfriend today. I said that of it turns out not to be that disease I will give him £1000 because I’m so convinced at this point. I’m so scared. I’m only 27 and I just have this terrible gut feeling about this one. I also have an appointment with a therapist tomorrow, but I don’t know how much help it will do.
Can I get in on that bet? That's some easy money! :shades:
FMP
Re: I am beyond terrified. I think it’s real this time.
I am scared that because I have had health anxiety about this exact thing before no one will believe me and just brush it all aside. Everyone I have spoken to has categorically said I am fine, but I jut feel like this is it. I want more than anything to go back to normal and worry about normal things like visas and what I'm going to do at the weekend rather than thinking about my death.
It has such am effect on everyone around me as well. My mum knows about all this but every time I talk to her she ends up crying. I hate that I'm making everyone feel like this, but I just have absolutely no control of my anxiety. I am permanently scared. I am losing weight like crazy because I can barely even stomach an apple a day and I throw up every morning from fear. I just want to go back to normal! I really hope everyone is right about this and I'm just being silly.
Re: I am beyond terrified. I think it’s real this time.
Quote:
Originally Posted by
niknakx
but I just have absolutely no control of my anxiety. I am permanently scared. I am losing weight like crazy because I can barely even stomach an apple a day and I throw up every morning from fear. I just want to go back to normal! I really hope everyone is right about this and I'm just being silly.
You have more control than you think. There is within you a 'switch' that just needs to be flicked. It starts with the decision to do something about your disorder.
It's not a 'maybe', or 'I will try' or anything that involves the word 'but...'. It's a very firm decision that you will do whatever it takes to control/overcome health anxiety. By doing this you are sending a message to your HA Gremlin that you mean business..
As it is, the dialogue you're feeding into your mind is, 'I am beyond terrified'. That's a bit dramatic, don't you think? But this is fine dining for HA! Top stuff!! Massive release of stress hormones every, single, time you think like this..
'I think it's real this time'
Yeah, so did I the time I thought I had bowel/ovarian cancer. And the time I thought I had MS or when I was having a stroke/heart attack..
Except that the only person who was convinced of my imminent demise, was me..
I was that convinced, I planned my own funeral. That was in 2017. Still here! And that's because the night before my colonoscopy - which would surely reveal that I was riddled with cancer - I decided I'd had enough of living in absolute fear and accepted whatever was going to happen. That night I was calm as can be. Of course, I didn't have cancer. I was diagnosed with the non-life threatening FMS (fibromyalgia) two years later, and I already knew I had GAD - but that night was my turning point. I've grafted my way back from mental breakdown and I've been working hard ever since to maintain the control over what, for me, has been a lifelong mental disorder..
I'd start saving those pennies to be able to pay your boyfriend that £1000 you've bet him...
Re: I am beyond terrified. I think it’s real this time.
I just had a meeting with my phycologist and she said the kind of stuff I was expecting. That I am looking into things too much and trying to make connections that aren't there. I am gonna try and stop googling everything. I have an appointment with a neurologist next Monday. If I see them and they truly believe that nothing is wrong then I will do everything in my power to stop worrying about it and just accept what they have to say. I hope I can do it. I'll keep you updated with how it goes. Honestly if this turns out to be nothing then I will be the happiest girl in the world. I want to be better for my family and partner more than anything. If it turns out to be nothing, then I will be back on here letting you all know and that I am stupid haha.
Re: I am beyond terrified. I think it’s real this time.
Quote:
Originally Posted by
niknakx
Honestly if this turns out to be nothing then I will be the happiest girl in the world.
Until the next symptom...
Happiness, reassurance is short lived when you have HA. You need the psychologist to help with the real issue, not the neurologist for the imagined one.
Quote:
If it turns out to be nothing, then I will be back on here letting you all know and that I am stupid haha.
When it turns out to be nothing...
You'll keep coming back time and time again until you address the real problem here..
Re: I am beyond terrified. I think it’s real this time.
Honestly though the atrophy is very real and very obvious. I know it was sunken in before but it has 100% become worse in the last few months. It is sunken in very far and now I have the faciculstions which I never noticed before. I am beyond scared. I hope the neurologist tells me something on Monday which helps me feel better. I am really hoping for it.
Re: I am beyond terrified. I think it’s real this time.
This is totally not to do with ALS, but I once had a considerable indentation in my leg. I was a bit concerned because it had been there a while so I went to the doctor. I had done it to myself, I had been sitting curled up in a chair in front of a computer for hours on end repeatedly in the same position for days and weeks. Fortunately the damage wasn't permanent.
Re: I am beyond terrified. I think it’s real this time.
This is 100% permeant. I've had some atrophy for at least a year, but it does appear to have become worse recently. I was never worried before because I knew I had a large vein removed, but now I realise it has gradually become worse and the fasciculations have started. I read a medical paper where they have seen instances of the disease which began from a place of trauma. I think this is what it is. My doctor says it is 100% not that I think it is, but I don't believe him. I just can't shake this gut feeling.