Obsession with bowels killing me

I don’t know what to do. I’m so scared all the time of having cancer but usually bowel cancer.

I am 30 and only symptoms I have are occasional constipation and occasional loose stools and I once or twice had blood but also a fissure.

I don’t see this ever ending. I’m off citalopram because it was making me constipated but now health anxiety is still here.

I don’t want to live like this anymore. I’m either going to die young of cancer or I’m going to live a long life terrified of every single symptom I have.

I can’t even have an itch near my breast without thinking it’s breast cancer or see a mole I don’t remember and have to photograph it every day for months to make sure it doesn’t change.

I know most people here have health anxiety and it’s not a competition but I can’t imagine anyone else suffering this much

What are you doing in real life to tackle this?

Positive thoughts

I done the following;
Hypnotherapy
Psychiatrist
Councillor
Endless CBT
Home visit councillor
Acupuncture
Vitamins
Sertraline
Citalopram
Diazepam
Zopiclone
Propranolol
Daily exercise

List is so long I have done everything I can.

But then maybe I am ill so I have to be careful to admit to HA in case it is the real deal

The only thing I’m doing at the moment is the exercise though

Sometimes, despite your best efforts, mental illness can be chronic. I hope you find respite among the mental chaos.

Positive thoughts

Quote:

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Originally Posted by HA1989

I done the following;
Hypnotherapy
Psychiatrist
Councillor
Endless CBT
Home visit councillor
Acupuncture
Vitamins
Sertraline
Citalopram
Diazepam
Zopiclone
Propranolol
Daily exercise

List is so long I have done everything I can.

But then maybe I am ill so I have to be careful to admit to HA in case it is the real deal

The only thing I’m doing at the moment is the exercise though

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Meds and drugs commonly affect the bowels, as does anxiety - and it can be constipation, the shits, or a combination of both.

To control HA, you must consider the logical (and most likely) option aside the life-threatening one your HA mind wants you to dwell on. You will no doubt have been taught this with your therapy, but it hasn't worked, so there may be something going on at a subconscious level, or you've been unlucky with therapists, or their particular style doesn't work with you.

When you say you can't imagine someone on here suffering more than you are? I had a full mental breakdown due to HA. I couldn't function. I sat in a chair or I paced when I was unable to exist with the feeling of 'electricity' flowing through me. I only went out to go to the doctors, A&E, and the out of hours service. I couldn't eat. I felt sick all the time. I had to wear sea-sickness wristbands and drink ginger tea like it was going out of fashion. I was physically sick and constantly retching when I spoke or coughed. I had severe insomnia and nocturnal panic attacks - sometimes up to four major attacks in a night. I lost 2 stone. My muscles wasted. I had chronic constipation where I had to be given super strength laxative and I could hardly walk for the pressure affecting my front and back passage. I had symptoms affecting my entire body. Burning mouth, swollen tongue, phantom itching, palpitations. Sore scalp. Pains in my chest. One morning my heart 'stuck' at 143 bpm from 2am until about 6am when they gave me a beta-blocker in accident and emergency. I reached a point where I only felt safe when I was at the doctors or in hospital because I told myself, if I dropped to the floor, they would have to help me. I had also developed chemical sensitivity - so I couldn't tolerate medication. The Doc took me off the beta-blockers after a week - and most every other medication they tried me on. So I had to crawl my way out of this shithole without the help of meds.

HA can take you ALL the way down, believe me!

What you do is you keep going. You keep trying different therapies and different therapists. Keep trying to think logically. Accept illness as a possibility, and death as a certainty, and work out the life you want working within those parameters.

All the best.

Wow NoraB, thank you for that, that was one powerful message!!
I went through a complete breakdown too where my family thought I was going to die and in the end as a last resort to save me I was sent for 3 months to a rehab center (even though I wasn't doing drink or drugs) because it was the only place I could get help 24/7.
I'm now going through major Health Anxiety again and just trying (with help) to not let it get to that point again.
I admire you NoraB, love and health for 2021 xx

Much love to you, Nora and Sial, and best wishes for 2021.

OP, this is what health anxiety does. You're not the first one or the only one, and for the vast majority of us it's an ongoing battle. I used to vomit regularly from panic attacks, even now, when I get a twinge of it I had to run to the bathroom. There's a thread on here from about a year ago where I panicked my husband had meningitis (spoiler: it was flu) and it took me fully 24 hours to realise I had gastroenteritis and it wasn't just another damned panic attack. I've failed to sleep for 60 straight hours because of worrying about a routine hospital appointment.

Severe health anxiety makes everyone feel hopeless. In the end, though, you're not going to get anywhere unless you make a conscious effort, and the first part of that is opening your mind to the suggestion that your illness might be faulty thinking patterns rather than, say, cancer or your current disease fear.

Wishing you the best of luck.