Can anyone reassure me? Paranoia about father being attracted to me

Hi everyone, I just wanted to post to get some reassurance from anyone who can help.

When i was a young teenager (around 13ish, Im in my 20s now) I began to obsessively worry that my dad was attracted to me. I'm sure he wasn't but it takes a lot to say that as the belief and paranoia I felt at that time was so strong. My dad is amazing and I feel awful that I ever had these thoughts (and still occasionally do) I worried about it so much when I was young that I stopped hugging him. But I wanted to find out if this is a known/common anxiety amongst girls with anxiety problems going through puberty.

When I was going through this I remember googling to find out if other people ever felt this way but I only ever saw information about ocd sufferers worrying that they themselves were attracted to family members, never that other people were attracted to them.

In my life I have spoken to three close friends about this, one said she felt similarly from around the age of thirteen but the other two didn't understand at all.

If anyone could give me any information on this I would appreciate it so much as I still feel like I'm the only one that felt this way and that worries me and makes me think the thoughts are true.

Pressuming this is your biological dad, i doubt there might be something to worry about.it must have started like an intrusive thought which you later augmented to the point of letting it run your life. You said he is great, why distance yourself from him? Face your fear and hug him, spend time with him, convince yourself there is nothing to this paranoia you feel and it will go away...

You have to remember that human beings have evolved to be deeply uncomfortable with the idea of sexual activity with close relatives. We are naturally repulsed by it. Where it occurs, it is a sign of something being deeply wrong, either psychologically or socially. I'm sure you dad loves you in an entirely healthy way. You've just allowed an intrusive thought to become reality (by which I mean real to you, not actually real). It's just a thought. You can overcome it.

Hi and welcome to NMP :welcome:

We have many sexual thoughts in our development and these can include about siblings, family members, friends, people of the same sex, etc. These are common when growing up but when they develop into causing you paranoia & anxiety, it's more of a problem.

This doesn't mean it's anything more than anxiety itself though. Why? Well, we get many thoughts popping into our heads all day long e.g. that woman looked at me so does she fancy me? Some evoke an emotional or sexual reaction. However, we also have thoughts that are classed as "ego dystonic", the opposite of true nature, character, deep beliefs, etc. These are the intrusive thoughts.

You saw people with OCD discussing their fear of being attracted to inappropriate people e.g. their own children, brothers & sisters, parents, etc. However, intrusive thoughts are not limited to our focus onto somebody in this way, they can choose anything that would be morally wrong to us, as to evoke the fear reaction they are aimed at.

An example of this is contamination. Mostly people worry about some form of contamination but don't associate an external deliberate cause to it, they aim it internally at themselves for not cleaning enough. However, some people with OCD externalise this into paranoia over a deliberate action by another party, such as poisoning, and this could be from strangers or even loved ones.

So, why wouldn't intrusive thoughts be able to take the form that yours do? Of course they can. The basic premise of them is there, they are morally wrong and cause you emotional upset.

Another useful indicator is how you stopped having physical contact with your dad. That's an avoidance based compulsion. The more you do that, the more you will reinforce the obsession, the fear that is irrational is seen as "valid" by the subconscuious. Notice the use of the term "valid" and not "correct". Your deeper beliefs, your schemas, control that side and these thoughts will be seen as not matching to these beliefs when your subconscious compares them to see what is needed. The result is it can't find something acceptable and sends it off to your conscious mind literally as "OK conscious mind, here is all the data, I can't find what to do with this so please tell me what you want me to do". If you react with negatives like fear, anxiety, panic, etc or obsess over it, you feed back to it to say the process is "valid" because subconscious mind notices the strong emotional reactions from conscious mind and thinks "great, conscious mind really wanted that so I will send it again & again".

Here is an example from medical professionals that shows this:

http://psychology.tools/intrusive-th...-metaphor.html

So, try to cut down the reaction. Turn it into positive challenging like in CBT (not ruminating or worrying) or make it a neutral reaction by accepting it as merely a thought and thoughts are allowed to exist but can have no meaning.

The fact it focusses on your dad only tells me you have strong beliefs about him being in your life, love & respect. Intrusive thoughts on target the things we care about most. Take that as a good sign. You will never here anyone talk about an intrusive thought about something they couldn't care less about.

Intrusive thoughts are experienced by all people, studies have proven it, but they just don't realise it. It doesn't mean you have OCD, people with any anxiety disorder have them too as do any non anxiety sufferers. If it develops to a point where it is significantly impacting on your life, OCD is a possible diagnosis a GP may make.

Hi, I have the same fear and thoughts about my dad and my brother being attracted to me. I had difficulties as well finding someone with the same exact thought and not the reverse.. As you say. But now that I found you I feel less alone. So, thank you.
I started having these fears around 15 years old, and now I'm 27. I know they are only irrational thoughts now, also because psychiatrists told me is a type of ocd. But at the same time how can I be 100% sure they're not attracted to me?
I had a lot of dreams where we had sex, consensual or not consensual.. Sometimes I even wake up wet and I feel awful. But I'm not that worried that I'm attracted to them cause I'm not.
One of the psychologists I had, said that the root cause of my fears is my sexual repression. When I was 4 I started masturbating, just touching myself without even knowing what it was. But my mum and my dad, and teachers in kindagarden made me feel so dirty and wrong.. So I still did it on my own and feeling really guilty.
I still do it now, but I'm very inhibited with real sex. I don't have orgasms with guys, and I am anxious when thinking of having sex with someone. Rationally I know it's fine to have sexual desires, but deep down I still feel dirty and wrong.
Now I just started another psychotherapy via Skype, with a team in Barcelona. They are called IPITIA and their method is based on freeing your primal instincts. They're specialized on ocd. I'll let you know how it goes but maybe if you still have this Problem too it could be worth trying. They speak English.
I hope you'll receive this message and we can stay in touch.
Best,
Veronica