Old worry has come back from a trigger on tv.

Hi i did post this about 15 months ago regarding one time i was staying over up in Scotland at a relatives house. My ocd is going through the roof hence why i,m on hear. When i stayed at this house i did have thoughts of a sexual nature against my aunty through marriage. Don’t no why but i did. I just brushed them off then the next time i was staying up there about 15 months ago, i even said to myself don’t get any ideas or thoughts about a sexual nature was even dreading it in a way. We went to the party came back drunk to my uncle and aunties house they argued i carried on drinking he went to bed, i went to my room but i feel like i,m trying to remember if i wanted something to happen. I got changed to my boxers went into the kitchen to see were she was i was very drunk. I said are you ok. Then she said shocked because maybe i was in my boxers. I wasn’t aroused but i was noticing my bulge maybe there was a bit of blood but definitely not erect. Get yourself to bed which i did. Next day i realised and was already thinking oh no. I did mention to her was i in my boxers she said yes. That was that. Then i got really depressed obsessed about why did i do that did i want to have sex. All these thoughts of me thinking that i was a dirty so and so. I was totally drunk. I did txt her to sorry for walking about in my undies. She won’t of known what i was thinking. That’s what i feel dirty and guilty for. Back then and now. I have been up twice since then with no problems recently 2 wks ago. She did say why are you not staying at mine again. I always feel welcome but why did i spoil it. I feel like a monster, and i feel like it was incest. Nothing happened. Just the guilt of what i was thinking acting etc. This started agin from a trigger from a tv show. Regarding a uncle who abused and killed his niece. I feel the urge to confess big style. Thanks if you took the time to read.

I basically feel disgusted ashamed guilty bad. But i didn’t feel like this 2 wks ago when i visited i was just normal this has hit me like a Ton off bricks all the thoughts of what if,s what will people think.

Since that trigger from the tv it hasn’t left my mind since Monday it’s taking total control over my mind. Almost like i,m going back to my younger days of confessing. Sorry for blabbing on.

Well at least you didn't actually do anything wrong nor harmful to your aunt.

There are certain sexual fantasies I remember having as a child and teenager back in the 80s and 90s that I often feel a sense of guilt over all these years later, though never, ever bordering on incest, paedophilia, etc, nor anything else that is blatantly unlawful, but mainly over certain innocuous objects (and not people nor animals) which I won't elaborate on here as this is most certainly not the place to do so. Though I never came to any harm, nor caused any harm to anyone or anything.