Back again, with neck lymph nodes.

Hey,

I’ve tried to stay away from this place and tried to manage my health anxiety in general and have been doing ok for maybe a year or so. But I’ve recently spiraled once again with lymph nodes and just wanted to write it down somewhere for people who “get it” and maybe get some third party perspective.

So to back up, I felt a lump in the back of my neck in 2015 and went to get it checked out bc I was freaking out. My doctor said she was going to do a CBC and an ultrasound for my peace of mind but she didn’t feel anything concerning. I was lucky to get all of that done within 24 hours and she called to say there was nothing concerning on the ultrasound. I put the issue behind me and vowed never to touch my neck again.

Now, a few weeks ago, I rediscovered this same lump in the back as well as another toward the front. I tried rationalizing that this was nothing but I kept poking and prodding and couldn’t shake it (I even read the sticky post here to try to stay calm and even that wasn’t doing it for me.)

I went back to the same doctor and she said she didn’t feel anything concerning but she would once again order an ultrasound for my peace of mind. I had actually just had a CBC a few weeks prior for my annual check up and all looked good there. This time I had to wait almost 2 weeks to get into the ultrasound and then later that afternoon she called again to say nothing looked concerning and she wouldn’t worry about it.

The story should end there, right? But nope, because I logged onto my portal to actually read my report and I’m seeing a BUNCH of red flags.

It lists the measurements of one as 7mm x 1cm x 2mm and another is listed as 1.7cm x 2mm with no third measurement, and then randomly says 7mm in another sentence. I almost wonder if this 7mm has to be the short axis measurement of the second node because otherwise the measurement makes no sense and the node would be the shape of a skinny pencil? But who knows.

I look at this and I think—ok are there THREE nodes or are those last three measurements all referencing the second node?

Then I think, holy s***, these are 1cm and 1.7 cm!!! Aren’t they supposed to be under 1cm??? And no, I haven’t had a recent infection to make them reactive.

Then I googled about ratios for benign lymph nodes and the long axis/short axis should be >2 for a nice oval appearance and that nodes <2 of a more round appearance can be malignant. Well my first node’s ratio is only 1.4 (1cm/7mm).

Then, the radiologist makes no mention of which node is which, and acts as if they didn’t even bother to do a comparison to the 2015 u/s which they said they would. In 2015, that posterior node measured 8mm x 1.3cm x 3mm, something I just found out NOW, 5 years later, because I was looking at the archives in my portal. So I feel like, wait, why am I trusting a radiologist who can’t even label these properly and fails to compare them to a previous report? And why am I trusting a doctor who allows that to happen?

Lastly, the “impression” on the report labels these as “indeterminate” but without a neoplastic appearance. My doctor never mentioned that this was an indeterminate finding! So why did she blow it off? Don’t indeterminate findings warrant further investigation?

So now I am fighting this internal battle where I know that my health anxiety causes me to seek reassurance and then even question that reassurance, but my black and white facts mind says “wait a minute! There are some mathematical facts here that concern me, and some steps that appear not to have been taken!”

So yeah, that’s where I am at. I am thinking of calling the radiologist directly and demanding more report details on Monday.

Sorry WW84.... nothing concerning with those sizes at all. Nodes under 2cm are of no concern. Keep in mind, I had H&N cancer and had two over 5cm removed from my neck along with 23 more for safe measure and at no time did I have to poke and prod to feel them as they were clearly visible just looking at me.

Stop trying to make something out of nothing. Its really not doing you any good. You've done well... don't let this false mental narrative pull you back in.

Positive thoughts

I remember your screen name helping me out before. Thank you (again) so much. I am trying really hard but this one has got me in deep. It might be all of the stress and anxiety that’s been going on since March with the pandemic that just has me weak, I don’t know. Ugh. Thank you.

Having a bad day with my stupid lymph node. Spent way too much time Googling and have now convinced myself it’s a slow growing lymphoma. Ugh. Just thought I would get the fear out on a post in the hopes that maybe it will stop bouncing around in my thoughts. Would something funky have shown up in the ultrasound you think? It said “no neoplastic qualities” but of course they also said “indeterminate.” Trying to convince myself I don’t need to go back and demand a biopsy and it’s just my HA talking, or rather, screaming loudly.

Sorry that you’re having a rough day.

I have numerous lymph nodes in my head/neck area that I can find if I look heard enough. I’ve had a hard, solid, immobile 2x2cm node on the back of head for 7 years now.

Sometimes our lymph nodes become scarred or fibrous, and never return to their normal size. It’s probable that at one point you had an infection, your nodes swelled slightly (you didn’t notice them yet, though), and they have just never returned to their normal size.

How old are you if you don’t mind me asking? Indolent forms of lymphoma are exceptionally rare in younger people.

Hope you start feeling better soon!!

Also, indeterminate means inconclusive, which translates to negative findings. They can’t conclude or determine anything because there’s nothing worrisome there.

Thank you for replying! I am 36. I don’t know if I’m really a young person :/

I didn’t know that about indeterminate—I always assumed it was a liability thing like “well if this does end up being cancer and we didn’t catch it you can’t blame us.”

Ugh, sorry to keep bumping this thread. I feel not great about it.

I am being attacked by this fear, so much so that it kept me up googling and touching this lymph node in the mirror until 4am. If I tilt my head a certain way, it does pop out to the point you can see it. This is freaking me out because I don’t recall being able to see it this clearly in the summer but I also don’t think I was examining it this closely while contorting my neck so I can’t say for sure.

Assuming this is HA and not a red flag for actual lymphoma, how do I move past this feeling besides going in for more testing?

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Worrywart84

Ugh, sorry to keep bumping this thread. I feel not great about it.

I am being attacked by this fear, so much so that it kept me up googling and touching this lymph node in the mirror until 4am. If I tilt my head a certain way, it does pop out to the point you can see it. This is freaking me out because I don’t recall being able to see it this clearly in the summer but I also don’t think I was examining it this closely while contorting my neck so I can’t say for sure.

Assuming this is HA and not a red flag for actual lymphoma, how do I move past this feeling besides going in for more testing?

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Quote:

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Originally Posted by Fishmanpa

Sorry WW84.... nothing concerning with those sizes at all. Nodes under 2cm are of no concern. Keep in mind, I had H&N cancer and had two over 5cm removed from my neck along with 23 more for safe measure and at no time did I have to poke and prod to feel them as they were clearly visible just looking at me.

Stop trying to make something out of nothing. Its really not doing you any good. You've done well... don't let this false mental narrative pull you back in.

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Positive thoughts

Really need to print this and hang it on the mirror lol. Thank you (again).