3 years later...

I was on my phone clearing out old saved passwords and noticed login information for this website was saved. It was last accessed in 2017.

3 years ago I had terrible health anxiety. I dropped out of the course I was studying, turned the romantic relationship I was in into dependency, and spent most days in misery and anxiety, convinced I was dying and terrified of it.

It’s funny, because I’ve basically forgotten about that time. Life is so different now. This is the first time in a long time that I’ve actually reflected on that pain and misery. It’s almost alien to me that I lived in such a state.

Towards the end of 2017, I was prescribed sertraline and received therapy. That was the first medication that seemed to ‘work’ for me, but more important was the counselling. I really felt that I opened up a side of myself for ‘the first time in my life’. It helped me explore what was at the root of my health anxiety - for me it was a fear of mortality and control loss.

Through personal exploration, learning, counselling, behavioural/cognitive growth, and meditation practice, I was able to conquer both. I write this as a man free of the issues that brought me here in 2017.

It’s strange. After 3 years of growth and change, I can honestly say that it’s a challenge to remember what health anxiety felt like, and what the crippling fear of death felt like. If that’s not freedom, what is?

That’s quite moving, as is this post, because it’s made me reflect on how far I’ve come. It’s very easy to diminish the present and forget the journey of what you’ve survived; in reality the 2020 version of me has achieved things the 2017 version couldn’t imagine. It’s worth a pat on the back when I’m moody that I didn’t get the right recognition at work or the highest mark on a test...

And In hindsight, I’ change nothing. This debilitating anxiety helped me to access an empowered side of me too. A warrior. A survivor by virtue of going on. And I survived the ending of that shitty relationship. I survived the collapse of my academic work, and the changing of my careers, and all the aspects of every DAY and EVENT that I perceived would break me. In fact, when my then-partner’s mother was diagnosed with a terminal illness (everything that I had been terrified of) I was STRONG and RELIABLE and SUPPORTIVE - not anxious. That would blow the mind of 2017 me.

Writing that is empowering, and my mindset towards pain, weakness and hardship now reflects that; wear the scars with honour.

Thanks for reading this and I wish you all the best in your journeys. I understand that this post is a bit lacking on the helpful ‘here’s what I did detail’. Happily, it’s a distant memory! But I’ll try to sum that up better if anyone would benefit from it. I’m also happy to provide a bit more detail on what my life is like now.

Thank you so much for coming back again to post.

So glad that things have come good for you, Well done :)

Great post and it affirms the benefits of real life professional help and hard work.

Positive thoughts

Thank You for a great wonderful good news post.
Wishing you all the best Jack :hugs:

Thank you for taking the time to share your success story. I’m so pleased you are out the other side and thriving.


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What a great new outlook on life, you faced your biggest fears and found your true strength. Great to read such a positive post, it's made my night (it's night here Down Under) :)

Thank you Jack. That's so inspiring and hopeful. I'm very happy for you.