Relationship anxiety is a demon.

Up until two years ago I was a devout practicing Muslim. Which means I didn’t date or have relationships. Well 2 years ago I decided to leave Islam. Since leaving Islam I started dating and going out with guys, but it usually didn’t last past the first or second date.

That all changed 6 months ago when I met my fiancé. He has shown me my worth as a woman, nothing but unconditional love and he has one the kindest hearts of I’ve seen.

We have such an easy going relationship, I felt comfortable around him from the very first date we had. And I’m looking forward to getting married to him and starting a family.

But my issue is now is, things are going so well I’m worried about bad things happening.

The anxiety demon has been all up in my relationship. Before I was worrying about him cheating on me. Now I keep worrying about him dying.

I have enough anxieties throughout the day. Now I have another to add to the list.

Any tips on dealing with relationship anxiety?

It's the same as any other anxiety. Relationship anxiety is no more 'a thing' than agoraphobia or health anxiety. Don't focus on it, don't pay attention to it, don't analyse it. Distract yourself with other things and just ignore it. It'll go away.

Hi Crazygal,

This is very normal. I feel as though anxiety creeps up right away during any pleasurable moment. For example: the other day we went apple picking as a family, it was so beautiful and serene and instead of feeling intense joy I just felt dread :( I was so worried about something bad happening to me or my children. My heart kept dropping at random moments. It was horrid because I wanted to savour the moment and enjoy it. Well, worrying is a way for us to comfort ourselves too so it’s a vicious cycle. Just recognize that and now try your best to ignore it.

Also, I don’t mean to pry but what made you leave Islam? Are you still spiritual? Religion gives me a lot of comfort, especially with my anxiety and I find prayer so helpful. This is why I was just curious to ask you. Hope you don’t mind :)

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Originally Posted by katniss

Hi Crazygal,

This is very normal. I feel as though anxiety creeps up right away during any pleasurable moment. For example: the other day we went apple picking as a family, it was so beautiful and serene and instead of feeling intense joy I just felt dread :( I was so worried about something bad happening to me or my children. My heart kept dropping at random moments. It was horrid because I wanted to savour the moment and enjoy it. Well, worrying is a way for us to comfort ourselves too so it’s a vicious cycle. Just recognize that and now try your best to ignore it.

Also, I don’t mean to pry but what made you leave Islam? Are you still spiritual? Religion gives me a lot of comfort, especially with my anxiety and I find prayer so helpful. This is why I was just curious to ask you. Hope you don’t mind :)

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I don’t mind talking about it at all.

I mainly left Islam because I became uncomfortable with some of the rules. Especially the rules dealing with women. I couldn’t justify rules like 1 man equals 2 women when it comes to a testimony. Or how woman are punished by angels if they don’t have sex with their husbands.

Also there are a lot of rules. It’s not necessarily a bad thing, but for someone like me that is a bit of perfectionist it can be exhausting trying to prefect all those rules.

Praying five times a day became a source for stress because if I missed one I would freak out.

I left Christianity for the same reason, women seem to get a bad lot in many religions :(

I've felt like that and I'd generally advise ignoring it. Some things like agoraphobia benefit from exposure therapy but negative thought processes generally benefit from being ignored for me. And for me it's always gone away at some point.
Is it stopping you from doing anything, like spending time apart?