Son has bad anxiety - I feel so helpless
My son's anxiety is extremely high (he's 20). Over the past few days he's in a bad way with it. He's in college and is just starting xmas exams now. He doesn't seem too stressed over the exams, just the normal you'd expect. But he's also being doing interviews over the past 2 months as they are going on work placement in the new year for 8 months. It's the interviews he can't cope with. I know that nobody likes interviews, they cause some sort of anxiety for everyone. But I've never seen anything like this. He said a few days ago he can't do it any more. He's constantly anxious and over the past week or so he said he can feel his heart pounding all the time. I'm worried about that symptom alone because as bad as my own anxiety has been over the years, I never had a pounding heart.
He's supposed to have another interview next Monday and he can't do it. This has completely destroyed him. And the thing is he'd still like to be able to do an interview and get a job placement. He's agreed to go to the doctor but doesn't want to start on any medication until after the exams, which is quite understandable.
He emailed the college last night explaining his situation but we don't have much hope that they will do anything.
I'm not expecting anyone to give me any answers here. I think I just need to vent and get it off my chest a little bit because I'm not sure what I can do for him at the moment.
Could someone even tell me if a pounding heart, and he has it nearly all the time now, is an anxiety sign?
Re: Son has bad anxiety - I feel so helpless
Totally a sign of anxiety. I have GAD and when I was in a bad way earlier this year I constantly had a pounding heart. Because he's so anxious he's hyper aware of it too and it is a very scary feeling. It does pass as the anxiety lessons. Ultimately i found the best way to handle it is to accept that it's happening, use various techniques to help reduce my anxiety (guided meditation, yoga, distraction etc) and try and do the things I normally do.
I know he's not keen to start any medication with his exams coming up, but it might be worth talking to his GP again, something like a beta blocker might help short term, I know a lot of people take it for social anxiety especially for things like prior to a presentation.
Re: Son has bad anxiety - I feel so helpless
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Catkins
Totally a sign of anxiety. I have GAD and when I was in a bad way earlier this year I constantly had a pounding heart. Because he's so anxious he's hyper aware of it too and it is a very scary feeling. It does pass as the anxiety lessons. Ultimately i found the best way to handle it is to accept that it's happening, use various techniques to help reduce my anxiety (guided meditation, yoga, distraction etc) and try and do the things I normally do.
I know he's not keen to start any medication with his exams coming up, but it might be worth talking to his GP again, something like a beta blocker might help short term, I know a lot of people take it for social anxiety especially for things like prior to a presentation.
Hi I am not qualified in any way or form but understand your sons reticence taking meds. It took me 3 weeks after being prescribed prozac before I took them. As Catkins said if your son is prescribed beta-blockers they really help cut the rise in energy that makes me feel anxious. They have no effect on me mentally but slow down that adrenalin kick. It was that initially spike in adrenalin that started me off years ago
I am an old git and feel so sad for youngsters who are affected by this as it can be so limiting. Do seek what help you can as it will make things easier.
Re: Son has bad anxiety - I feel so helpless
Hello! I just wanted to say I am in my 20s too. I have awful anxiety and interviews / public speaking is awful for me. Here are some tips that have been life changing for me:
1. Propananol. I cannot reccomend this more. For me, I couldn't deal with the physical symptoms I would get during an interview, my voice would shake my heart rate would be through the roof, my palms would be sweaty and I wouldnt be able to get my words out. I felt so self concious about it that I would feel anxious the moment I would get told I would have an interview. I would constantly be thinking who the hell is going to hire me if I cant even get my words out to answer the questions.
Propananol is a beat blocker. It is for situational anxiety (an interview, flying, public speaking etc). It treats the physical symptoms and not the mental ones, however, with anxiety the phyiscal symptoms are what get you stuck in a cycle. I take one before an interview (the lowest dose of 10mg) and all the physical symptoms are gone and it makes me feel so so so much more confident I cannot even explain. I am now on my 3rd 'adult' job and I would not have been able to progress the way I have without it. I couldnt reccomend it more. AND this is coming from someone that wont even taken paracetemol or ibprofen because I have health anxiety and worry about the side effects.
2. Virtual interviews. Being able to do an interview from his own home might relax him more. It is very common since the pandemic (one of the positives). It takes out the stress of having to get to the interview and you can have some home comforts around you. It also means you can have notes in front of you. Even if you dont look at them, it helps with confidence. For me, I had a number of interviews in London when I was first out of uni but since then my interviews have been virtual and I personally feel more confident.
Also, a little top tip that got me my last job. I prepped answers to key questions using the STAR technique (Situation, task, action response) and it helped me so so so much because with anxiety I forget the points I am trying to make especially when I am panicked. I made all of my notes on powerpoint slides, a new example on each slide and i flicked through it so easily during the interview. If you would like a copy of this, please private meassage me. More than happy to email it over and your son could edit it accordingly.
3. Prepare but not too much. Something that really helps with confidence and anxiety is to prep. Sometimes anxiety will make you avoid this at all costs because of not wanting to face it. This will only make you feel worse long term because the more interviews you go to not prepped, the more you will lack confidence and the interviewers will see this. The rejection starts feeling personal when actually its a quick fix.
4. Remember you are judging the interviewers the same amount they are judging you. Interviewers get nervous too, I know because I have now actually been the other side of the table. They want to come across as professional and enthusiastic and they want you to have a good experience and make you feel relaxed. Please tell him to remember they are human too.
5. You dont have to say yes to every interview. If you go to interviews for the sake of interviews, so use a lot of energy as someone with anxiety. Someone else might think why not may as well nothing to lose. As an anxious person, you do have something to lose, and thats confidence. Its only human to struggle with the thought of rejection. Something I learnt from my own experience, was that I should have put all the energy into the jobs that genuinely excited me. Not just because I felt left behind when my friends all started getting jobs and I was still looking. It takes time and its not a competition. Do what is right for you.
