What Triggers My PA's.

Just a short story on really how it all began for me.

If you have bad anxiety troubles when reading about .. Drugs or Alcohol or anything tragic then i suggest you probably dont read on, just to clarify that this is a (Short) story on how i think changed my life completley.. please tell me what you think afterwords i'd like to hear your comments and input. It may not be the full story because when i think or try talk about it i get very emotional and it is a very big deal what happened to me.

I was thirteen, and just moved house to more of a rough area.. there was a girl next door who i'd known when i was alot younger so we got re aquainted. Which was a very bad idea. So i started hanging around with the groupd she knew and they smoked alot of cannibas, i started to rebel and i'd get grounded and i would jump out of my window just to go out and binge drink all night. I started getting sexually active and i got forced into my first time with a boy who i thought i was inlove with.

(The day it happened)

I woke up in the afternoon to an empty home, i got up and got dressed, then i heard tapping and banging on my bathroom window, so i went down to my back garden and there were all my ' friends ' throwing stones at my house. I was grounded that very day but this is an example of how they had a bad effect on me, and they soon got me to go out. We started heading to a dead end of our estate. We all sat in a circle and one of the older girls got out a bag of cannibas from her pocket and started waving it about. Everyone started cheering and getting crazed. I sat there very confused.. because i was the newest member of our 'group' i didnt get much attention i was sheep.. a black sheep if that. So the oldest girl started rolling this drug into a cone shape and she started naming who could smoke some after her. I was surprisingly third. Which wasnt bad for me at the time (Obviously) . So when it came my turn there was a big amount left, so i started smoking it all really fast and really hard. Taking it back not letting anyone else have any. I wanted to look big ofcourse and be the best.

(I thought i was going to drop dead!)

After a while i sat there and started hullicinating .. i cant remember alot but i remember someone saying 'uh oh' i walked around and i felt very ill .. everything slowed down and my mouth went serverely dry i couldnt breathe and i could hardly talk, after this i felt like i was going to faint, i started begging for water and they all stared back at me puzzled. My whole body felt as if .. i had bad pins and needles.. thats the only way i can describe the feeling i got. It was so scary i couldnt breathe and i was exremeley histerical. My heart was racing and my body was closing down. I needed medical help and fast.

I cant write on but i did get help. Im still not sure how it all happened but it was very scary and i wont go near drugs or alcohol, if i even smelt cannibas from a distance i'd break down and cry. It had a huge effect on me and my body but i learnt when i was young and if i didnt i wouldnt even wanna think where i'd be right now. Im no longer friends with that group and im living in a much nicer area and im a changed person.

Ruby. x

Anyone want to commet on this?

I had my first panic attack after i stupidy took an ecstasy tablet. I can only blame myself as could of said no but at the time i was in a very bad place, i was suffering from depression, i just wasnt myself at all. There were plenty of people taking them in the club that night, youve probably heard of the club, the syndicate in blackpool. The bouncers took a blind eye, they were getting passed around like sweets
Anyway after about half an hour i started to feel really weird, my legs felt like jelly, i had a pain in my chest and i couldnt breathe, i literally stumbled outside where i begged for help off a bouncer. He just laughed and said i'd be fine after some fresh air. At this point i collapsed to the floor and a policeman rushed over to me, i was scared and crying and couldnt get my breath at all. He told me i was having a panic attack but i didnt believe him, it felt like i was dying, i was led on the floor clinging to him begging him to ring an ambulance. Even though id done something really stupid he was very nice to me. He rang for an ambulance and tried to reassure me that everything would be ok. I was taken to hospital where i was kept for 7 hours, they id blood tests and monitored my heart. Luckily i was fine, well saying that ive never got over it, im convinced ive damaged my heart. It took months to get over it, i had 6 months off work. Whenever i think about that nigh i start panicking, i'll never get over it.
From mine and your experiences it goes to show that drugs can ruin you life. That was the first and last time i have ever done something so stupid.
Sarah x

Whoah, yes i'll never touch drugs or alcohol again. Both had the same effect on me.
Im sorry to hear that sounds horrible. Not nice is it, hope your okay now x

Im better than i was when it first happened but i dont think i will ever get over it, its awful how one stupid mistake can ruin someones life. Hope your ok and if you ever need a chat then feel free 2 pm me.
Sarah x