The end, I think, is near for me

Today would have been my 34th wedding anniversary. Obviously, it isn't.

I've been struggling with fears of penile cancer for weeks now and today was the icing on the cake: I went for a poo and it was really pale (as have subsequent ones) so now I can't tell if it's just me eating quite fatty stuff for a day or two or my liver is giving out.

I'm really at my wits end here and I really am getting to the point where I think ending my own life is the best option. Rather that than a slow, painful decline.

I might try ringing the IAPT helpline in a minute but I doubt they will help.

If I go offline, you'll know why.

That's a really horrible thing to put onto a of us who've known you, PM. I know you don't intend to make us feel afraid and guilty, but that's certainly the effect your post has had on me.

Today's a tough day, of course you're feeling awful and I can't imagine your pain. For the love of everything, though, call the Samaritans or some other crisis line.

Please?

Ditto from me. You need to contact a service that can offer you real help. Contact the Samaritans or your local mental health crisis team and some Minds do an urgent number

Please do contact them

I agree with Blue, ring a helpline & contact a health organisation. Book a GPs appt. You haven't got anything until its confirmed!!
Poos can be all sorts of colours - depending on what you have eaten. Perhaps you are feeling down because it is your wedding anniversary date. Being alone & feeling isolated can be v depressing. Hope you feel a little better soon.

Well, after waiting for five minutes for the Samaritans to answer the phone I hung up.

I could have driven to a nearby level crossing in that time.

No local numbers for the mental health people either.

This is telling me something.

It isn't. Try the Samaritans again. There are other organisations too.

Saneline 0300304700
Calm 0800585858

Pamplemousse I am sorry to see you are feeling so fed up and down, we have a list of helpline numbers and would really encourage you to contact one of them or a person you trust around you....If you walk into any hospital or walk-in centre and tell them how you are feeling then they can also be a great help. Or even someone on here who you trust and you are able to talk to in PM (assuming they won't be triggered, they have every right not to want to talk about it.

as a forum of anxiety and depression sufferers who are easily triggered by the talk of suicide, we remove posts about the subject as we are really not equipped to be dealing with it.

I am so sorry I am going to close this thread because of the above reason, please seek the help you obviously desperately need.

https://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showth...for-UK-members