Picture this......

An athlete is preparing to run a race. He's a world class athlete and full of confidence. However, he's quiet and shy so finds it hard to socialise. People frown upon him as being different because they feel he's unsociable because they think he's arrogant and rude but in actual fact he's the nicest person you could meet, if they took the time to understand him but the crowd refuses in their ignorance to understand him.

He starts to race down the track. The crowd jeer and heckle him telling him he's no good, making him feel he doesn't belong, that they are better than him.

He carries on running determined to show them how good an athlete he is but it does no good because it can't show his real personality. He wins the race but still they taunt him even into the changing rooms.

He says to himself, "I don't care what they think", but every race he is confronted with the same belittling. He finds himself performing certain rituals in doing up his trainers, how he folds his clothes and what clothes he wears. He puts it down to superstition but they're things he never used to do.

One day he is running and he starts to feel out of breath. He can't work out why but fearing something seriously wrong, he stops running. His breathing gradually returns to normal so after seeing a doctor who could find nothing wrong, he goes back to race again.

This time though he has breathing problems again but instead of stopping, he stumbles and falls. The crowd all cheer and he returns to dressing room. His confidence has been shattered. He can't face the crowd again. He keeps pituring the breathing problems that now worry him into thinking there must be something seriously wrong. He keeps seeing the place on the track where he fell. He can't face running there again for fear of it happening again so he decides to give up his career as an athlete.

However, although he's stopped running, he keeps having nightmares. He still performs his rituals with his clothes. He also now finds the breathing problems affect him in shops and outdoors.

his mind has got overloaded, he just can't take it anymore. He thinks how weak he is and begins to beat himself up. He feels so bad and guilty and feels the need to cut it out of him. He needs to relieve the pain so he begins to self harm.

He even gets suicidal thoughts because he feels so useless and worthless, and that he doesn't belong in the world.

However, he then sees a psychologist. The athlete tells the story to the psychologist who explains where it all went wrong and how to regain his confidence so eventually he starts running again by which time people have forgotten who he is, and because he's since got help, he's also now sociable and able to talk to crowds of people.

He learns to lose his fear and regain his life once more.

Sometimes our minds get overloaded with things we can't see that cause symptoms we can't understand until they're explained to us and then we can build our recovery.:winks:

Hi Bill, Thats great - I understand what you are saying and I am actually going to see a Psychologist in a couple of weeks. I saw one 20 years ago when I was in the same situation and he worked on getting my breathing correct. 6 months later, the anxiety was behind me.

I do get out and about Bill but its in my own time and at my own pace. My main "concern" for want of a better description, is the unreality feeling. But I go out, if only for half an hour, most days of the week.

I am trying to keep in my head what you said the other day about patience and not letting the bully beat me because you are right. The more narked we get, the longer the symptoms will stay with us. I am keeping telling myself that how I feel DOESNT MATTER, NOTHING BAD WILL HAPPEN.

I have been like this since July 2006 though I was a lot better in April, May and June in 2007. Then I had a relapse in August last year and my fear thoughts were different. So its not been easy. But I am trying to not get angry with myself and it all as thats what the anxiety monster wants me to do, ist it.

Thanks Bill.
Shirley

well written bill...and very true

dawny

Bill you seem so wise and your posts are really helping me to understand myself and anxiety so much more, thank you.

Love Carol
xxx