Cant seem to push thought/anxiety feeling away panic

Woke today feeling ok, got brekky dressed etc. When i git an overwhelming flat feeling(life sucked out of me)
Went into garden to try not focus on it and get stuck in
But the shit was still lurking at the forefront bothering me.
Im i not strong enough to push the shitty thing away, whys it not happening for me? As it does for other suffers?

So. Got angry with myself for letting these thoughts/feeling get to me. So i got my shoes on
Car keys and bag and walk out the door.
Didnt feel relaxed and in traffic waiting felt the panic heighten. Didnt want to give in so took 1 mg diazepam with water.

Got into town still with unpleasant feeling lurking, tried to concentrate on shopping and looking around at things.
Didnt run, but boy it was unpleasant. Might of been a push to far for me
Got to keep doing it, but maybe local on my own for now
Im scared i might end up really anxious everytime i go out on my own now, or even become agrophobic, as when out with dp im not half as bad.

Diazepam as kicked in and now feel slightly calmer, maybe because im home?
Going to go local shop after tea, see what that brings

Hugs to all anxiety/ depression suffers xx

Just keep doing things Clio51. Yes, it can be extremely hard, but it becomes easier if we stick with it. Acknowledge the anxiety for what it is and let it pass. Sometimes distraction helps.

How did the trip to the shop go?

I only feel 'normal' at home. I can never ever feel completely relaxed outside, no matter how many tablets I take and no matter how much fun I have. I understand that you're frustrated and angry with yourself for having these feelings you can't get rid of. However, being angry and resisting the anxiety only perpetuates it and it doesn't make you feel motivated to push on and live a semblance of a normal life.
You need to simply accept the panic, come to terms with it, and keep on living your life to the best of your ability, doing the things that make you feel well. :)