Newly prescribed, too scared to take :(

Hello

I'm back after first joining here in 2011 :(

I suffer badly with anxiety and panic. I was signed off work back in 2011 and again in 2015 as panic took over and I was too scared to leave the house. My husband and I divorced 2 years ago, he left just as I was about to go back to work but I pulled myself together, took propranolol and went back to work and got my life back on track. Things have been good but since earlier this year I have felt myself getting more and more stressed out and I haven't listened to the warning signs and I've gotten run down. I've ended up with a bad case of sinusitis and it's really knocked me. I am back to panicking in the car or when out. I haven't been at work for nearly a month and following a visit to the GP on Monday I have asked for something to help me til I get CBT (4 month waiting list). My GP knows I am terrified of taking meds, She has prescribed me alsorts over the years but the only thing I take is propranolol which i have just recently increased due to the symptoms coming through :( I explained to her that I can't drive anywhere, I am scared of everything, I feel pathetic! I am 43 years old and the main carer for my autistic son who is 20. I have condensed my hours at work to get him out and about on my day off as he would happily not leave the house. But here I am too scared to leave the house too! I have felt these anxiety symptoms coming back for the past 3/4 months. It's been stressful at work and I have also come out of a short relationship which really upset me. I think I'm just worn out and I don't feel strong enough to fight the panic on my own til the CBT appointment. I can't go back to having 3/4 months off work like last time. I need to be better and I need to be rid of panic once and for all so....

My GP has prescribed me Clompramine 10mg to take before bed. She advised it's different to the newer antidepressants so may suit me better. I have tried a half dose of citalopram years ago and it totally freaked me out and has actually given me a medication phobia. I felt ill off it, like I was wired and my body was asleep. An awful awful sensation.

She actually seemed quite optimistic that this drug would suit me and i left thinking maybe this will help. Roll on getting home and reading anything and everything and I'm terrified! Is anyone currently taking this and if so, for anxiety / panic? How have you gotten on? Does it rid you of panic? Will it make me feel as bad as the citalopram - it works the same way if not stronger I believe. I'm so scared but I don't want to be this version of me anymore :(

I can't tell you about the prescribed Clompramine because I too have a terrible fear of taking medication. When I really really have to take something I take just half to begin with then increase to the full dose when I know I'm ok with it.
It sounds like you've been through a lot so it's not surprising that you're suffering from anxiety and everything that comes with it now.
And once the anxiety hits it seems that we become fearful of every little thing.
Have you considered doing CBT online? No waiting list. And also there's a post on this forum from someone offering free CBT. I recommend it. http://cbt4panic.org/contact/

Hi Becky

Thanks for responding.

I saw the link last week and read through it and although it does help I feel totally overwhelmed by the panic, fear and anxiety. I think it has now affected my mood too as I'm feeling low and teary. Although last night I was a state, so upset, so scared. I don't know what's worse the fear of taking the tablet or the fear of my anxiety returning.

You're right though, I'm fearful of everything. Literally. Even before this major blip if someone suggested going to the park, or getting the bus into town, it set me off. Just nipping to the shops would set it off. I feel like I can't get a hold on it without the medication crutch but then I'm too scared to take the tablet.

Not good.

I do understand your fear. You can't imagine the number of prescription pills I've thrown away and the cupboard full of OTC remedies that I 'think' I'm going to take but never have the courage to.

Why not try this route instead:
Rescue Remedy. It's natural, no side effects but does help to gently calm you.
Chamomile Tea. Same as above, lovely with a spoon of honey in.
Walking, or any other moderate exercise.
Breathing.
Research. Knowledge gives you control of your anxiety.
CBT. It's really helped me. But you have to be extremely diligent about it. Like you're studying for your law degree! Don't give up.

Anxiety is just a habit our minds have learnt. CBT helps the mind to un-learn these bad habits. But you know how long habits take to form so don't expect overnight results.

I really sympathise with how you feel at the moment. I've been there and I know it's not easy to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

If the thought of taking the tablet is making you more anxious, put it on hold for a week. Try the other route. Maybe you'll feel more courageous in a week or so. But don't be hard on yourself. You don't HAVE to take this tablet. Give yourself a break and be kind to yourself.

The problem with this condition is that nobody around you feels sorry for you. If you had two broken legs you'd get loads of sympathy and understanding. That's what you need now so give yourself some.

I was signed off work with sinusitis and I do think that has set my panic attacks off as I can't drive anywhere without freaking out. I manage to get to the GP and that's it. Tried to drive to work last week as I was supposed to be back on Tuesday but freaked out on two separate journeys. I feel like if I don't use medication to nip it in bud I'll be stuck indoors again. Just the thought of walking round the block is making me anxious :( A grown woman this scared is silly.

So I took my first tablet this morning and I'm currently remembering the horrific feelings I had last time. This is so scary. Surely the side effects shouldn't be this bad off such a small 10mg dose.

Carrera

I like you am scared of taking meds but knew I couldn't continue without helps a few years ago. I take clomipramine (only 20mg now) and only ever went to 30mg which I have just done again as like you the anxiety and panic has returned. I understand the feelings of not wanting the anxiety but being frightened to take the meds but you know what, how do we know unless we try? I can't tolerate ssri's either but these older trycyclics seem to work better for me. I am not perfect as I don't think my dose is high enough (scared to go high) but know that if I want my life back, like you I have to try something. Good luck. x