Always moody.. personality disorder?

I don't know what's wrong with me but I get so irritated and moody very easily and I'm often not able to control it. I'm 31 but act like a moody teenager but I don't know how to stop being this way.

I especially get annoyed with certain close family members, usually for no reason at all. Quite often when they speak to me I will give a moody, mumbled response or pretend I didnt hear them and ask them to repeat themselves, only to still give an annoyed sounding response. When I'm in another room and they speak to me, quite a lot of the time I pretend I don't hear them, give a mumbled response or say I'm busy. I just don't understand why I'm like this when they are such lovely people. I feel like such an awful person and I really hate being this way.

Inside my head there are two sides, one telling me the nice thing to say or do and the other telling me the horrible things, which is the way I usually respond. I often have to force myself to be nice, for instance someone tells me something and I force myself to show an interest by asking a question about it, but it's such an effort and sometimes hurts my head. A lot of the time I'll just say something like 'oh right' and show no or hardly any interest. I do like my own space and I'm not a people person and I am a loner. My moodiness is one of the reasons why I dont have any friends. I also have social anxiety and find it hard to think of things to say and talk about.

I have always had anxiety and been a loner and I'm pretty sure I'm depressed. I think it could be jealousy and feeling bad about myself and the fact I've always struggled to communicate and make friends. I have low self esteem and I'm so miserable about eveything and only ever see the negative in things. I've been this was for as long as I can remember and I've got no idea how to train my brain to think any differently. It's so hard and really gets me down and I worry I'll never be able to change. I'm really worried I have a personality disorder and wondered if anyone can relate to this?

Oh god me too. Mostly it’s when the conversation comes round to me & I don’t want to talk about myself! I just have to be in the right frame of mind.

You’re not alone, so don’t worry. But is there anything you think you could/should be doing to make yourself feel a bit better about this?


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