Anxiety Realisation - resonate anyone?

So I've been on here before discussing anxiety and pre-holiday anxiety, more specifically. Today I realised something.

Over the past few days, I've found myself feeling excited about going away; butterflies of excitement, NOT anxiety! And then I realised something. I realised that I try to banish the excitement and turn it into anxiety. And do you know why?

It's because I feel I don't DESERVE to get excited about a holiday! Why is this? Maybe it's because I'm scared I'll tempt fate, I'll change the usual pattern of 'panic' that allows for a smooth holiday, like the traditional poor dress rehearsal before a great performance. Or ike siting in the same seat when you watch the World Cup so you don't jinx the match....traditions and habits! I've only ever known fear and panic before a holiday so this is new to me and its hard to deal with.

Am I really allowed to feel this happiness and stay safe?

x