I think I've found the core of my problem?
Hi all, for the last couple of weeks I've noticed that when I am emotionally or physically exhausted - which I've noticed more now that I have started getting out more and exercising - I get a kind of burned out feeling in my brain, as if chemicals have been extinguished. I did notice this when my illness was at its worst in early 2009, and if I think about it, I have had this feeling on occasion throughout my life, always during a very tough time or emotional low point.
My CBT training has kicked in and I have been challenging this feeling over the last week. It is very painful and frightening, and I practically go into a blip every time I think about it, but I am actually glad because I now have an ultimate target to bring down. And this is an ultimate target: it seems to be the actual core of my fear. It's hard to describe: it's like a burned out, extinguished feeling, which destroys motivation and creates feelings of worthlessness and depression, and brings along with it a dose of utter fear.
I'm having CBT on Sunday and hope to make sense of this soon so I can fight back. I think that I will recover once I have beaten this horrible feeling, so here's hoping. Does anyone else get this feeling?
Re: I think I've found the core of my problem?
Yes :) I think we are both making progress in better defining what hits us when we have our problem patches. However I don't know if you are the same, but CBT and analysis can't always seem to pin down that "that feeling" that comes along, sometimes with no reason.
For me it's a vague, shadowy enemy that feels like it has its roots quite deep in me. The more I chase after it, the deeper it all gets and the harder it is to handle. I've never quite known then whether this is the "true fear" that underpins my problems or not.
Like you I have considered whether this is a chemical thing at heart (or caused by a combination of random factors, tiredness, diet, sleep quality) and therefore all the mental worries are the effect, not the cause.
With that in mind, in the last few dips I have taken a different tack. I have assumed it is simply a physically rooted bad patch making me feel a little out of sorts. Rather than fight it, I've just accepted it's OK (and more importantly, NORMAL) to feel this way from time to time. This seems to mitigate 99% of the damage because the mindset is not running from it - you shake it by the hand, smile and invite it in for tea.
I have found this to be more effective than direct CBT/analysis because I think in my case these blips do not have valid reasons or causes anymore, this far into my recovery. CBT etc was very effective at the beginning for the stuff that could be written on paper - thought and believe related stuff which could be reasoned out of the water.
But this feeling we get, seems to just happen. I do reckon it's biological. It was interesting the direct and tangible effect Mirtazapine had on me last year, which in my case would suggest a chemical issue somewhere.
However I do believe things are not as simple as this and often we carry multiple issues each of which require different approaches, also I must stress this is just a personal experience, I'm not recommending any particular approach.
Re: I think I've found the core of my problem?
Quote:
Originally Posted by
PsychoPoet
It's hard to describe: it's like a burned out, extinguished feeling, which destroys motivation and creates feelings of worthlessness and depression, and brings along with it a dose of utter fear.
Ive had this feeling many times. very scary.. i have to go distract myself before i get too drawn into the feelings.......
Re: I think I've found the core of my problem?
I get the same feeling, weird, I have been trying to overcome it by positive thinking.
Re: I think I've found the core of my problem?
Re: I think I've found the core of my problem?
i can relate! i have been doing some thinking recently and considering that my brain is totally greedy and uses up all its serotonin or whatever all in one go making me all happy which then results in subsequrnt crashes (like now lol) when there is none left. if it could just moderate it, hmmmmm. so anyway, yeah nature or nurture, probably some of both!! x
Re: I think I've found the core of my problem?
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Yogi
i can relate! i have been doing some thinking recently and considering that my brain is totally greedy and uses up all its serotonin or whatever all in one go making me all happy which then results in subsequrnt crashes (like now lol) when there is none left. if it could just moderate it, hmmmmm. so anyway, yeah nature or nurture, probably some of both!! x
I like that a lot! A greedy brain. Like my stupid brother who steals all my alcohol, but a brain stealing all my serotonin. heehee.
Re: I think I've found the core of my problem?
it eats all the chocolate too.......
Re: I think I've found the core of my problem?
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Yogi
it eats all the chocolate too.......
:O get a new brain i would.
Re: I think I've found the core of my problem?
Quote:
Originally Posted by
PsychoPoet
It's hard to describe: it's like a burned out, extinguished feeling, which destroys motivation and creates feelings of worthlessness and depression, and brings along with it a dose of utter fear.
Yes, I have the same only I can't get past it. My CBT has been postponed for now.