Finally decided to check out my bowel issues.

For a couple of years I've had bowel issues (mucus, itchiness, fissures, occasional mild bleeding that disappeared the next day, oversensitivity to stress), but I never really did anything about them. I was at a doctor once when I've had a really bad fissure which took about 3 months to heal, but other than that nothing. I was both afraid of getting a colonoscopy and being diagnosed with cancer, and I always rationalized it as "more fissures", "residue from something red I ate", IBS, (even though I was never diagnosed with it, but my Mom was so I assumed "genetics"[plus my sis has got celiac disease]), haemorrhoids and what not. And so I persisted for at least 3 years. And for those three years I had those long periods of quiet with moments of sheer terror when my "Do I have cancer" fears flared up. Sooo today I decided to see my GP on this coming Friday and finally get to the bottom of it, come what may. If I am to die, at least I will see it coming. And oddly enough that brought me some degree of peace.

You're really not about to die.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by BlueIris

You're really not about to die.

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I know. It's more long term. I promised my mum I would take care of myself and I think getting to the bottom of my issues is the logical first step. Especially if I wish to get rid of my anxiety issues.

Wysłane z mojego SLA-L22 przy użyciu Tapatalka

A couple of days and a nasty diarrhea later I have a referment for a colonoscopy which I have next Tuesday. I'm suspected to have either IBD or IBS and Haemmoroids. Of course my subconscious still thinks the result of the colonoscopy will be a piece of paper with the words "YOU DIED". But at least I'm moving forward. And that's progress. Even if some part of me thinks I am on the path towards the gallows at least I took the first step. And a week after that I am seeing a psychologist so she might do something about the sunny attitude I have toward things.

1 day more till my colonoscopy. I'm slowly moving past the "gallows" phase of my mentality. My only worry now is that I don't hurt myself with the bowel prep and that everything goes well tomorrow. Only 26 hours of stress to go. And then I will know. And oddly enough with each passing day I am more at peace with the results. I'm 99% convinced this is just a mix of haemmorhoids (those I've become certain I have due to a simple fact I can feel one when washing up - or it could be the insanely rare anal cancer to which I have no risk factors that I know of so gonna go with H-thingies)) and IBS but certainty is needed. Plus I've decided to make the whole thing into a game. Basically I run a youtube channel with reviews of books. So I decided to "review" the colonoscopy - or basically record a PSA that there is nothing to fear of and with description of what I went through :P Maybe it will help someone.