Bad night tonight...feel like i never want to go out and socialise ever again

Tonight i went to church and when i arrived there were loads of people, bizzarley i knew them all even though we hadnt all met in the setting there were 8 of us. Turns out some i had met in other church groups elsewhere and now they are all in my friends house, despite knowing them i was anxious to be sat at a table i dont know why sitting at tables is freaking me out at the moment like its so final until you can leave, but i just kept having to excuse myself as my panic of being there took hold.... not intrusive heart related thought just generally feeling of a panic, i just drank loads of water and stayed calm and let it pass. It was quite intense as i was shivery after. the lady had made me a cake for my birthday but it was chocolate so i had to decline, i felt quite bad that im that sensitive right now. then half way through when we were about to watch a video on a bible related study, my mum rang and i went to take the call and she was out with her friend in a local pub restaurant where they play live music and basically the saxophonist from the group had threatened her with physical violence claiming she had taken picture of him. she was genuinely upset and i just said, get out and get home NOW!!
so i returned to watch the video and i heard not a single word on that 17 minute video all i saw in my head was my mum being attacked, stabbed, dying two days before my birthday, men attacking her, blood gore, ambulances, all i could imagine was her being unresponsive, you name it i saw it. It ruined the rest of my evening....im actaully quite distressed and crying at these thought even though i know theyre not true she is now in bed talking on her phone but the intensity of these thoughts whether about myself or my mum is really hard and really difficult. Has anyone else experienced the same about someone close to them who they love?
i mean i understand i felt powerless, unable to help her in that situation but it just all went a bit too far in my head.
thanks all, not sure i will sleep well tonight x

We live in a rough area; every time my husband answers an unexpected knock at the door I privately worry he's going to be stabbed, except in November when it switches to worrying about fireworks being thrown in his face.

When I get these thoughts, though, I dismiss them as irrational, because completely motiveless murders are staggeringly rare even on dodgy council estates like mine.

Bless you iris it’s horrible I don’t like it at all it’s the first time since I’ve had this bad episode that it’s been those thoughts about someone else and the intensity [emoji53]


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It's horrible, yes, but you can't dwell on it, not when there's so many other things in life to enjoy.

Just had my CBT it’s going well!


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Great to hear! Doing the work is going to help you feel better, a little at a time.

Step by step [emoji16]


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