Severe post natal depression & anxiety

Hi there :)

I have three children under five, there is fifteen months between my youngest two. My youngest is currently six months old. After my middle child was born, my anxiety was awful. I haven't left the house by myself in well over a year, I don't have any friends because I get too anxious with people. I was managing just by the hope of one day this will get better. I had my third child and I was over joyed, he is the first boy in my family for many generations however he was born with severe bilateral talipes which somehow went undetected in pregnancy. His birth although everything went to plan was absolutely horrific and I am still struggling to get over that. I was so determined to breastfeed and yet again I couldn't do it. Partially because of medication but also because I was just too damn exhausted whilst running around after my other two. On boxing day, I was admitted into hospital as I was very suicidal. I didn't have a good experience and I never want to be there ever again

However I don't feel like I'm getting better, I miss the person I used to be. I was once outgoing and funny and now I'm just msierable. I struggle to get out of bed, I don't brush my hair, I force myself to have showers and I literally do nothing because I'm just mentally exhausted. My partner has had to quit work to look after me and I feel like I've ruined his dream career now. We have no money, although we are in the process of trying to claim benefits but my rent is due tomorrow and I have nothing in my account.

Does anyone else feel that they have completely lost the person they used to be? I'm so worried I will never get that part of me back. The person I have become is no role model for my children and I'm feeling incredibly inferior to other parent.s

Hi there,

Sorry to hear you are going through the mill at present, but it will get better. I too had terrible anxiety & depression & couldn't sleep, when my youngest was 8 months old. I didn't sleep for 4 months!

You get so run down and with a lack of sleep too. It's good that your partner is taking time off to look after you and the family. I had a girlfriend whose husband did the same for a year.

My parents paid for me to have a nanny come in and look after my girls (my husband couldn't leave work). I had to try a few different antidepressants before I found one that enabled me to sleep and gain more energy. Once I was sleeping, it only took me another 6 weeks to feel a lot better and start coping with things. My girlfriend was a a lot worse that me but she came right with antidepressants and sleeping pills after a longer time.

This was in 1988, so a long time ago now. You will get better x