Holiday anxiety

Hello everyone,
Haven’t been on in a while. I hope you’re all doing OK (although maybe you’re not if you’re on here reading this!). I just wanted to check in because I am going on holiday for 10 days tomorrow and I’m not feeling too good. I feel so exhausted and run down and I think it could be related to anxiety. When I’m working I work so hard that I get worn out but honestly, it keeps me sane. My mental health is much better as I am busy all the time and my mind is occupied. When I’m off work, I tend to spiral. All over Christmas I was convinced I had pancreatic cancer. I couldn’t eat anything and I didn’t enjoy the celebrations. It only abated in January when I got sent for an ultrasound and it was all clear.
This summer since finishing work, I was convinced I had a melanoma on my face (sent a pic to the Dr who said it was a normal mole) then this week I’ve been convinced one of my hands feels like it has weaker grip than the other. My eye is twitching, is that ALS? Etc etc etc and so it goes on running round my mind in a loop.
One thing I can say is that after all these years and so much therapy and self help, I am at least able to see the pattern of what’s happening now. There is a part of me that can stand back and notice that I’m in another anxiety cycle, and that at least is progress. But there is another (seemingly bigger) part of me that still believes these thoughts and has to go through these emotions and horrible physical and mental feelings.
I’ve taken three Covid tests today in case I have covid. Three. It’s excessive. I’ve had both my jabs but I still know people who’ve caught it. I’m not normally hyper anxious about Covid but I’m worried about getting it when I’m away.
Anyway, there is no real point to this post, other than that it helps me to come here and offload because I know that there will be people reading this who understand what I’m feeling and in real life I often feel that isn’t the case and I feel very alone with all this.
Thanks for reading.

Recently when my anxiety has been bad I've struggled being off work. So what I've started trying to do (only since Friday) is build a routine into when I'm not working, maybe you could do this when you're on holiday? It might make it easier to cope?

Thank you Catkins. I think you’re right, having that routine really helps. I can tend to sit around getting myself into a stew otherwise, then I feel bad for ignoring the kids or not getting on with things that need doing around the house because I can’t focus. At work I don’t have that problem.
We’re going to Wales tomorrow and that is hard for me because it’s a new place and I don’t know what to expect. I find that before I go out for the day, I’ll get very anxious about how I’m feeling and if I don’t feel 100% right I will start to hyper focus and feel worse. I’ve sat down and drawn up a plan of what we might do each day and that feels a bit better as it’s less unknown. When I was younger I would travel a lot, but I still remember having the same feelings. I guess because I did it more often, I just got more used to them and so they didn’t build up so much, but I’ve never found new places easy.

The plan would work for me too. On Sunday I even set aside time to read and made sure I did it. I actually got more done and had more enjoyable down time.

I think once you have got to Wales and got your bearings etc you will feel better, Cattia. It's the anticipatory fear of the unknown but if you have a plan you will have far more control over that unknown. Find out where the nearest shops are and plan some local outings for most days? It's far easier to cope with anxiety if you have some structure to your day. Can you Google some images of where you will be staying so that you have a visual plan of the location? Then it's not quite so unknown.

Sorry....You said you had already made some plans for day trips! I missed that!

Hi Cattia, reassuring, at least to read I’m not alone. I really feel for you as I’ve had awful holiday anxiety for many, many years. There are no easy answers. I’m on holiday now in a new place, a lovely cottage, but still have gone through the mill. All the symptoms you can imagine. I do find structure helps and just accepting what I feel as anxiety, no more or no less. Also, anxiety sensations can’t keep going forever, physiologically. They have to die down whether you want them to or not. Hard too when you have to keep going for the children, but maybe a help at times as you have a role to play. Very good luck. Paul

Thanks for your replies everyone. I'm here in once piece! Had a bit of anxiety yesterday. I'm really anxious on roads, especially the motorway even though my husband does the driving so I was tense all the way here. Also we are staying in our caravan and it's quite windy so that's triggered my balance worries that I'm having at the moment because I worry that when I feel like the caravan is rocking a bit it's because my balance is off 🙄. Apart from that I'm OK. Going to try and enjoy today. What I can't figure out is how when I'm at work I feel really capable like I can deal with whatever is thrown at me. I keep my calm even in really stressful situations. Yet in other aspects of my life, even going for a walk or going into a town I don't know feels like a frightening ordeal. I wish I could be the best version of myself all the time!

HI Cattia,
so sad you have anxiety on your hols,read an old thread that is 14 years old but still relevant today[no more panic thread 16357]it will come up as health anxiety suffers.Plenty of interesting posts for us H/A sufferers i am sure you will like it.

Word for word this is me xx

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Originally Posted by cattia

What I can't figure out is how when I'm at work I feel really capable like I can deal with whatever is thrown at me. I keep my calm even in really stressful situations. Yet in other aspects of my life, even going for a walk or going into a town I don't know feels like a frightening ordeal. I wish I could be the best version of myself all the time!

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