5 years of hell

i'm 19 years old and i've been suffering from some kind of mood disorder for the past 5 years; ever since i smoked weed for the first time and it was triggered.

problem is, numerous psychiatrists and GP's have a had look, tried a diagnosis, and failed to provide the right medication.

i have been diagnosed as manic depressive, bi polar type 2, general anxiety disorder, and just plain permanent major depression.

however, the main problem is anxiety. i constantly, every day, about 85% of the time, feel horrible. i can't cope with high emotions and as a result of the years of constantly changing medications that increase in potency and side-effect potential every time, i can no longer be happy or glad.

i either feel incredibly depressed, and become very aggressive as a result, or i have such bad anxiety that i cease to function. its become a daily struggle against whatever i have; other people seem to live past me, and i often despair at the fact that everyone else's lives seem so easy.

in the past i self medicated by cutting myself and drinking large amount of alcohol to pass out and escape reality. as i grew older and more independent i moved on to hard drugs (never got addicted) but obviously, ( and i knew this) substances only ever make the problems worse. i'm seeing a new psychiatrist next month, who is supposed to be the best in the country, and hopefully he can make a final diagnosis regarding my mood instability. consequently i have not self-medicated for the past 3 months, also this does not seem to have helped.

i am currently taking a combination of seroquel XR 200 mg, lyrica 75 mg and lamictin 200 mg. doctors in south africa are very conservative so if i am prescribed valium it is never enough, and i am very wary of becoming addicted. however, valium does not seem to affect me that much in any case, so its all relative.

anyway, sorry if this post is whingy, but i suppose thats what they mean by introducing yourself in the context of a support group? i hope there is someone on this forum that has had the same kind of experience as me,. being a 19 year old student and missing out on their teenage years as a result of some random brain malfunction that refuses to let go.

if anyone is about my age, or older but knows how it feels to lose your teenage years, or has some kind of inspiring story of success, please reply to this post or contact me privately.

thanks :)

Hi burnsheepy

We just wanted to welcome you aboard to NMP. We hope you enjoy your stay here and get all the support and advice you need.

Please take some time to read the website articles on the left as well for loads of advice and tips.

Welcome to NMP.

Self-medicating invariably makes things worse, as I'm sure you now know. Plus, makes prescription drug therapy harder. Persevere and I'm sure you will make progress and move in the right direction.

I would also look, however, at non-drug therapies - as simply switching from illicit drugs to prescription ones isn't necessarily the answer. Counselling, cognitive behavioural therapies etc can also be very effective when augmented by drug therapy.

Hey, I'm in a similar boat to you (though I'm 48). Have had problems my whole life with depression and "mood" problems. Then 7 years ago I smoked skunk and had a choking fit, and was convinced I was about to die... two months later i had my first horrendous panic attack... I believe I have ptsd (which has brought on the menopause), and soo much more :( I am finding life almost too much to bear right now, especially as I don't sleep for more than 3 hours a night (even with sleeping pills)... and those 3 hours are fraught with terror... I'd say personally I am a bloody good advert for giving up or never taking illicit drugs!
I believe that you have no chance of healing your mind if you carry on with the drugs :( Good luck :)

Hiya and welcome to NMP I hope you find the help and advice here and maybe make a few friends in the process

:welcome: