Sexual intrusive thoughts
Please don't judge me, I'm 19 years old and the things I think off have made me cry for 2 months straight when this started, I hate them and would never act on them as I'm one of the most caring people a person could meet.
2 months ago I started to get (what at the time I didn't know what an intrusive thought was) sexual intrusive thoughts about children (:weep:), like I'd abduct a child or do something horrible to one, which I'd never even think of doing because of how horrific and how much it turns my stomach, now a days I think it's wrong if I look at a child at times because of these thoughts, sometimes I get thoughts that I'm attracted to a child (But I know I'm not because I know that's just sick and disturbing).
These thoughts disturb me for most of the day, every day. I went to the doctors about this and he told me all about intrusive thoughts and the only way they'll go is if you don't dwell on them and distract yourself, I have this huge fear that these thoughts will never go away, and will stop me from having my own children, because of the thoughts I have.
As I write this, I'm in tears, and it's taken a lot of courage to post this on a website. I feel I am alone in this, and nobody understands what I'm going through (even though I know there are people suffering from a similar thing). Will this ever go away, and let me get on with my life? I don't enjoy anything any more, I might get 5 minutes of peace from it, then it all hits me.
Please don't judge me.
- Ben
Re: Sexual intrusive thoughts
Firstly, well done for being brave enough to post about this. Let me tell you that you are not alone in having unwanted/intrusive thoughts.
When people have anxiety they are overly sensitive to every little sensation in their body and every thought they have. Because they are in a heightened state they over-analyse everything and scrutinise things. EVERYBODY has weird/horrible/disturbing thoughts sometimes. Thoughts randomly pop into our heads all the time and if we are tired or stressed it can be a load of old rubbish going on up there! Anyway, when an anxious person has a weird thought that they find distressing, instead of just shrugging it off like a non-anxiety sufferer, the anxious person dwells upon it and starts thinking 'Why did I have that thought, am I sick?' or whatever. They get a whoosh of adrenalin because the thought was unpleasant and because they are in a heightened state of anxiety they associate the thought with fear. And that's when the trouble starts. As soon as your thoughts frighten you and you dread having those thoughts, they start to come back again and again and you get more and more upset by them. The more upset you are about them the more they occur! It's a vicious circle!
When I'm tired I sometimes start counting things. When it first happened I got really distressed and thought 'Oh no! I'm going to be doing that all the time and it will never stop' and I became anxious everytime I started counting. But I realised I was making it worse for myself so I started telling myself 'So what if I count? Counting can't hurt me' and I started to ignore it and distract myself. I told myself that my mind was just playing tricks on me because I was tired. And do you know what? As soon as I started to believe that it stopped happening!
Your unwanted thoughts are horrible BUT if you don't give them any importance they won't be able to frighten you any more. You must find a way to shrug off the unwanted thoughts. You know they are not real because real child abusers enjoy the thoughts and don't get panicky about them. The thoughts are distressing and disturbing to you which means they are not real.
I wish you well on your recovery. Please don't be scared. xxx :flowers:
Re: Sexual intrusive thoughts
Thanks for your help, my parents are worried sick for me, I just thought there was seriously something wrong with me when it came to having thoughts of attraction, even though it makes my stomach turn and I know I'd never do such a thing.
I just hope it gets better soon :)
Re: Sexual intrusive thoughts
You can recover from this. My sister had intrusive thoughts about wanting to kill people. She never would really - she is the sweetest, kindest girl in the world but during an episode of anxiety the horrible thoughts struck when she was low. Her Dr put her anti-depressants and within a few weeks her anxiety AND the unwanted thoughts had gone. Has your Dr prescribed any medication for you? It might help.
Re: Sexual intrusive thoughts
He didn't prescribe me with anything, he just said keep yourself distracted and don't dwell on them, I think I might go back to him and ask for some counseling or I might ask him about joining a support group if there is one near where I live.
Re: Sexual intrusive thoughts
I think if the thoughts are affecting you as badly as you say they are it would be wise to consider taking medication as well as having therapy. Counselling is often more successful if it is done whilst using anti-depressants, although of course everybody is different. If you find it difficult to talk about this in detail with your Dr, you could perhaps print a copy of your original post to show him/her so they know how this is REALLY affecting you. Good luck whatever you decide to do. You can, and will beat this. :)
Re: Sexual intrusive thoughts
Will do, thanks for your support :)
Re: Sexual intrusive thoughts
You're welcome. That's what we're here for. :flowers:
Re: Sexual intrusive thoughts
Feeling pretty bad today, thoughts are constantly there, my heart keeps beating like mad when I think of something awful :(
Re: Sexual intrusive thoughts
I know. Try not to be frightened by the thoughts and accept them for what they are, just thoughts. They cannot hurt you, and they won't come true just because they are in your head. Relax, take a deep breath, watch a movie or read a book or something and try to distract yourself.