I probably haven't posted in over a year... for a reason

This board used to be a place of last resort for me. When I was in the middle of panic attack, or overwhelming doom. I'd come here and ask for help - thankfully BM are often incredibly supportive and quick to respond. This saved my butt more than once.

Sad to say - but after years of trying so many things: breathing, vitamin combinations, sleep, food allergies, alcohol, xanax dependence, exercise, etc. My success all came down to just getting on the right anti-depressant.

I was to the point that it was difficult to travel (and that's what I do for a living), each new city would leave me more and more worn down, I was having panic attacks walking down long street, walking up stairs, for no good reason... Then in 2018 my doctor gave me Lexapro 10mg. I didn't want to take it, and held off for a few months before popping my first one.

Within a month my entire world changed. After dealing with panic disorder for 31 year on my own it just sort of vanished. I'm now able to travel as much as I like, and do anything I like - even trigger stuff like riding carnival rides (fear of being trapped) etc with no real problem.
Everything comes with a price though - and for me it's:
1. lack of motivation - I used to write daily, every day - now I barely can write once every few weeks
2. I used to party hard - now it's a rare day that I go out and drink, and then I stop after two or three beers
3. I have almost no sex drive at all. Before I'd have sex/fap once a day at least - now I can go a month easily without thinking about it.. Something that is hurting my relationship with my GF... Also, I can't even get it up sometimes to masturbate...

To be honest, After 31 years of living in a REAL HELL on earth with one or two daily panic attacks in my 20's, and constant doom, guilt, anxiety throughout my 30's and 40's - I'm willing to pay these prices. I now feel like a 'normal' - which is what I always wanted. I just wish I had taken this drug the first day it came out.

It's not perfect... Here's my routine:
I wear an Apple watch that has the heart rate monitor on it. Normally my resting HR while sleeping is high 50's low 60's.. Every few days I look at it... I can go several months with no problems, but every once in a while I see the resting HR starts to creep up into high 70's and early 80's... I don't really notice it (too much) psychologically - but for me it means underlying stress or GAS is forming a bubble. I take a day off and take 1/2 a xanax and it effectively 'resets' my brain.... Once I had to take two 1/2 dosage over a day. But normally 1/2 is enough.

The next day my HR is back in low 60's and life is sunshine. This probably means I could increase my dosage of Lexapro - but with the side effects I really don't want to. I can deal with it like this for now.

The point of my novella here - is just to share a positive outcome. Lexapro for all it's awful faults has 'cured' my GAD for the last 18 months or so. No doom feeling, no panic attacks, no health anxiety and googling rare diseases in middle of night... It's freedom.

I strongly encourage anyone with GAD to seek out doctors and try whatever meds they put you on.. But, just go for the lowest effective dose. My life is basically unicorns farting rainbows at this point - besides the fact my junk doesn't work.
;)

Good luck.

Welcomes back.. Yeah, I guess, sometimes being on the right medication is better than the alternative. Same here ... my junk doesn't work either :( Good to read you're doing better overall with your routine.

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Lexapro for all it's awful faults has 'cured' my GAD for the last 18 months or so. No doom feeling, no panic attacks, no health anxiety and googling rare diseases in middle of night... It's freedom.

I strongly encourage anyone with GAD to seek out doctors and try whatever meds they put you on.. But, just go for the lowest effective dose. My life is basically unicorns farting rainbows at this point - besides the fact my junk doesn't work.
;)

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Re the heart monitor. Do you think that's helpful with health anxiety?

I'd love to fart rainbows but chemical sensitivity says no, and even if I could take the meds they will only ever supress my anxiety symptoms - not what's causing them in the first place - and I want to pull this HA sucker out at the root!

Hope your 'junk' starts to behave itself soon and may you (and your unicorns) continue to fart rainbows! :yesyes:

Read your posts and they are almost the same as what i get! I'm glad it became better for you :D...Mine's a roller coaster!

It's nice to hear some positive stories about medication. I have recently contacted my GP to discuss potentially trying some medication, which I was reluctant to do before, but after trying CBT and still struggling I thought it was worth a shot. Happy to hear you are doing well!