How rational are my pregnancy fears?

Hi all,

First off, sorry if this post is a little long. I would just like to give some background so things aren't ambiguous. If you don't have time or would rather not read the whole question, but still want to give advice, here it is in short: I have a crippling worry that I will be pregnant even after one instance of protected sex before I am even late for my period.

Here is the whole thing:
I am 24 years old and I am in a long-term relationship with my boyfriend. We actually rarely have sex for a mixture of reasons. He is stressed a lot and we both study and its just not at the top of the list for priorities. It doesn't bother me too much as I am a bit of a prude, and as I said above, I have a crippling pregnancy fear even if the chances are so tiny. The reason I say all this is because we only use condoms. I have been wanting to get on the pill or an IUD since we first did it, but I didn't want to be pumping my body full of hormones everyday when we might only have sex like twice a year (we've only had sex twice this year).I also didn't want to go through the pain, anxiety, and potentially heavier periods of getting an IUD if there was no purpose. He also had his reservations as he said he's slept with someone with an IUD before and could feel it and he didn't want any hormones affecting my mood too drastically. But I would use these methods if we were more active.

We had sex last month on 8th November (the only time in the past month and only the second time this year). It was fully protected. My partner knows how to use condoms properly and well, they have not expired and are stored in an appropriate place that would not damage them. I am super strict with condom use because it is our only method. I won't let him touch me down there until he has one on, and sorry if this sounds gross or tmi, but I always fill the condom with water in the bathroom after we've had sex, as to check for any holes. I fill it up as much as a can and move it around to see if there are any leaks. I did this last month to be sure, and there were no leaks, so I know that it didn't rip or break or have any micro-tears. I became very anxious the next day (I think because I hadn't had sex in so long and suddenly I felt that I had that chance again so freaked out a little). The thing that really bothers me is that I think I was close to mid-cycle when I did it (even though I am not in touch or sure even of when I ovulate, if I even do all the time or at all). I needed reassurance so I asked my partner about when he took it off and whether there was any slippage or spilling etc. He said that the condom didn't come off until he was in the bathroom and nothing like that happened. He said I was overthinking and worrying about nothing. So I tried to put it to the back of my mind.

But of course, over the past few days its been the time of the month I expect my period to come. I've never been an on-the-dot kind of girl but there's always a window of few days that I expect it to arrive. I would say on average my period arrives somewhere between 28 - 35 days. However, it is not unusual for me to necessarily go over that. Usually two or three times a year I will get one 36+ days, but I never skip one. I assume sometimes they're late because I have been stressed etc. So currently I am on day 35, so if I got my period today it would make a 34 day cycle, so not late by my standards. But I have literally been worrying about it all week. When I've had sex and its edging towards the time of my period, I suddenly am very watchful. I assume every feeling I have is a sign of its coming. I have acne on my face and back which is usually a telltale sign its on its way. Over the past 3 days or so I've been watchful of every wipe I make in the bathroom. Sorry again if this is tmi but sometimes this helps as I can clearly see if its on its way or not. In the past couple of days I've had a yellowy discharge which I have read is often the case before a period. I know I have had it before one before. What's more, on Monday, I noticed a small (really smal) dot on the toilet paper, and with closer examination it was most certainly red. I left the bathroom joyous believing this was a sure sign it was on the way. However, it is now Wednesday and I still have had nothing further than some slight yellow discharge. I had a bit of a freak out earlier because I felt like I was producing more saliva in my mouth than normal, so I looked it up and it came up as a pregnancy symptom (but I will say, I am a massive hypochondriac, and I think pretty much any symptom you look up ever will either be linked to cancer, pregnancy, or both, so I don't know if Dr Google is my best source of advice).

I am desperately clinging onto the fact that I saw that red dot on the toilet paper because I don't see what other explanation it could be. On a normal month where I hadn't had sex I would've missed it altogether as I don't care when I get my period then. But when I have had sex, I put enormous pressure on getting the period. I will examine the toilet paper, and I have in the past seen even tiny tinges of brown or red, hopeful and waited to have the period show up a day or even a couple or more days later. So that is a good sign and technically I am not 'late' yet but I still worry. I have had some minor UTI symptoms over the past few days but I attribute this to the fact I had got into the habit of having bubble baths everyday. The soreness only happened after my baths and I've since stopped them and have no symptoms. Sometimes I feel like I feel 'sick' but I don't know if that is just because of my anxiety.

Is it still likely to come? It seems that the months that I worry about it, it seems to come later. A couple of years ago I was so worried and it ended up coming at 48 days! I know some of you might say 'just take a test' but my concern is that it is just too early and I don't want a false positive or negative. I also know in my current state that I would probably have a full blown panic attack if I was to take one now. Do you think my stress and worry may actually delay it or that waiting for it too intensely and constantly going to the bathroom and studying it won't help, like the expression, 'a watched pot never boils'?

Any advice or reassurance would be so appreciated.

Oh my, you really are going through a rough patch at the moment.
I remember when I was in my 20s and 30s, having pregnancy frights just like the one you are having now. They really are horrible, and I know what you are going through because I've been there many times myself.


But just to put things into perspective - you used protection, the condom didn't break and technically you're not even late yet. You're putting a LOT of stress and worry on yourself about this, and yes of course stress can and does make periods late. I've always been fairly regular, a day or two early or late, but when stress comes along then it can throw it out a few more days again.


My advice at the moment would be to try not to worry. But I understand when your head is spinning with thoughts of pregnancy that asking someone not to worry is useless advice. But please try to stay as calm as is possible. You know the condom didn't break or tear so the chances of you getting pregnant are so so so slim.


Let us know how you are getting on anyway, and of course if you get your period. In the meantime try to look after yourself as best you can, be kind to yourself and use distraction as much as you can.
You'll get through this xx

Thank you so much for your reply, BrokenGirl.

It has actually put me somewhat at ease. I spoke to my partner earlier today and he laughed off my worries saying it was so unlikely. That actually helped me as well.

I'm also glad you understand how I'm feeling. I have been here before two or three times. Both mine and my partner's fears of getting pregnant annoyingly have stopped us in part of having a more active sex life.

Tomorrow I have the day off and am planning to to do the best at keeping myself calm (if possible!) and distracting myself with reading and cleaning. I feel my period is more likely to turn up when I am in a calm frame of mind and the anxiety isn't potentially messing with the hormones.

Thank you so much for your kind words and for putting things into perspective - sometimes you just need to hear it from someone else!

I will update soon - hopefully with the news of a period!

Thank you xxx

Just updating this question:

I have since taken two tests (one on Friday and another on Monday). Both were very clear negatives. I also know I did not test too early, I waited until my period was officially late and past the 40 days+.

However, I still have no period. At first I was calm when I saw the negative and figured I would just let it come now that I had calmed down. But its coming up for a week since that test and still nothing. I am beginning to worry again that I'm pregnant and the test didn't pick it up or that I have some other reason for an absent period - like a health condition and I really don't want to go down that road.

I don’t think it’s all that unusual for a period to be skipped. I think it happens to everyone. Actually just did happen to me lol. I skipped November altogether and just got mine in December. I have read that just to see if your next one comes and if it does just chalk it up to a missed period. I highly doubt you’re pregnant, I think you waited long enough to take the test plus you took every precaution against it.

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Originally Posted by glassgirlw

I don’t think it’s all that unusual for a period to be skipped. I think it happens to everyone. Actually just did happen to me lol. I skipped November altogether and just got mine in December. I have read that just to see if your next one comes and if it does just chalk it up to a missed period. I highly doubt you’re pregnant, I think you waited long enough to take the test plus you took every precaution against it.

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Thanks for the reply. I do need to shake the fear of pregnancy off as it was so unlikely to begin with, let alone the unlikelihood that two tests were then wrong and I didn't even test too early. I'm just probably only making this worse by worrying. My partner thinks I'm crazy lol he's not worried one bit and didn't even see the necessity for a test.

Glad to hear I'm not the only one. I've gone big gaps before especially when I'm stressed. And looking back I have been pretty stressed this month. That has probably messed with it somehow. I'm probably going to try to stay calm and see what happens over the Christmas period and if I don't have it by new years maybe go to the doc just for peace of mind. Honestly if I hadn't had sex at all this month then it wouldn't even phase me as I have irregularities sometimes. It's just when I get that thought into my head that it isn't impossible, I convince myself!