CBT my experience so far:

I have just had my 10th session:
I realised before I started that I must be completely honest with myself and therapist to gain from this experience. After all I've waited 13 months for CBT.
There were "things" in my head - experiences, mostly from childhood, that I'd never talked about before. I've had a pretty rough few years, so nothing to lose. That unloading was in itself cathartic. I have to engage fully into the CBT in order to make positive changes to my life.

We have already looked at areas of my life that could be improved and I am actively engaging to look and act positively there, mostly my behaviour, even though it is hard - my relationship with my son and his partner.

My therapist is going to look at groups that I could take part in, to discuss at my next appointment.

I have been assessed for psycho analytical therapy by a psychiatrist at St Mary's hospital in Leeds. I was turned down and the reason:
It would not be cost effective as no positive outcome would be expected and it could be detrimental to my mental health. I also cannot have short term counselling following my CBT., as I present with more than one issue that needs addressing, and the NHS can't fund that.
I am informed.

If I want further therapy I willI need to apply to Mind.
Any thoughts on this welcome?:wacko:

I really want to benefit from this therapy, even if the step forward for me is very small. I made a short list of fears I have surrounding Social Anxiety to share with my therapist. I only have 5 people in my life - and Social Anxiety even affects all of those relationships.
I managed to identify one thing that happens to me when I'm having a conversation with someone that makes me reluctant to meet with people - for a brief second when they are talking I "zone out", I stare at them and feel as though they are staring right back at me. Like "a rabbit caught in headlights!" This is one of the first things we have identified that stops me from engaging in conversation with people I know, or strangers. I have agreed to write down the emotions I feel and bodily sensations I am aware of at those moments. So far I haven't plucked up the courage to pick up my pen and paper mid conversation. Normally I wouldn't get the opportunity to test this out but for Christmas get togethers.
Does this "zoning out" happen to anyone else? And can you identify the emotions and sensations associated?
I am trying really hard to help myself.

I think I might know what you mean. I have this happen sometimes when I'm doing a presentation for work. Fortunately it hasn't happened often, but every now and then I get sort of self conscious of what I'm doing, and it makes me falter as I get a moment of a sort of stage fright. I have to remind myself at that time to stay in the moment and focus on what I am doing, and not the fact that I am doing it at all. It's like I'm an observer of myself during that time, rather than a participant.

Thank you for taking the time to reply.
I completely agree with you - it's a very unnerving experience. I get like a bolt of anxiety which makes me tense up. I sometimes wonder how I am having the conversation with confidence. I think at that point I start to over breathe or hold my breath. I am an observer.:scared11: