Why do I fear the outside world?
Hi Everyone, Just found this website after reading about it in the Daily Mail this morning. I don't necessarily believe in God or anything like that, but, this morning I awoke to the usual feelings of an oncoming panic attack. I have been trying to occupy myself all morning when I decided to give myself a break and read the paper. There, by some divine intervention was the article on panic attacks. I'm finding this happens to me all the time. I feel panicky and anxious, the onset of agoraphobia is at the back of my mind, then suddenly, something like this article will fall into my lap and I no longer feel alone ! Coincidence? I have no idea. It's just happening too many times for me to believe in coincidence I'm afraid. Anyway, my panicky thoughts started last night. I hardly got any sleep and I awoke reaching for my Diazepam. Only 2mgs but I do find that it takes the edge off my anxiety. And the reason for my anxiety today .... having to take my son to school and knowing that I would be alone in the house until my husband returns from work or when I have to pick up my son at 3.30 p.m. How pathetic is that ! I have done the school run 1,000 times, but somedays I just find going out of the house too difficult. This scares me whitless. I feel stupid, I feel totally pathetic. I'm a 36 year old woman who is finding it difficult to put one foot in front of the other to go and fetch my son. What has made it worse is that I can't use my car because it's out of service so I have had the choice of taking the car taken away from me. This makes me panic. This makes me feel frightened. Am I alone in feeling like this because I really feel like just breaking down and crying. I am so ashamed. This shouldn't be happening to me, I thought I was getting better, this is the first panic attack I have had in months and the first time in those months that I have had to reach for my medication. Pathetic.
J. Clouston
