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My grief over my mother's death
I don't know if this is where I should put this thread. But as I'm suffering with GAD I thought I'd put it in here as I think it's one of the contributing factors. I thought it might help me to have a place to write down how I'm feeling and maybe get feedback?
On February 6th this year my mum died suddenly. She'd had a very complicated medical history, T2 diabetes, COPD, underactive thyroid, fibromyalgia, IBS, anxiety, agoraphobia, kidney disease to name a few. She died on a Saturday morning, her and my stepdad had been up and had breakfast but went back to bed for a couple of hours - in separate rooms as if he drinks he snores more, so that was their custom on a weekend. He woke up at around 9 and went through to the living room and she was sat on the sofa dead.
He called an ambulance and attempted CPR. But unfortunately there was nothing he or the paramedics could do. He phoned me at just before 10 to tell me and I rushed round to their house (10 mins away).
It was such an awful shock, I knew she would die eventually but when I got up that morning it was the furthest thing from my mind. My stepdad was in such an awful state it fell to me to phone my sister and my brother to tell them. It was awful. My sister screamed and fell to pieces, my brother was calmer but still in a terrible state.
It was an awful, awful day. I made multiple phone calls to people to let them know over the next few days it was horrible. One relative my stepdad asked me to call (mum's aunt) was as vague as fudge and barely understood what/who I was talking about.
Why am I going through this again? I don't know. I was walking the dog this morning and I couldn't stop thinking about her, my mum that is, I feel I need to get some of what's in my head out as I think I've very much battled on and tried to be supportive to my stepdad etc. But I think it's all contributed to my current state.
When anxiety hits it's just awful and I feel I'm having to do everything and anything I can to help myself. Maybe this well help?
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Re: My grief over my mother's death
I lost my grandmother in April. She, like your mom, had many many health issues, but none that we expected to end her life suddenly - she had been living with those health issues forever. It was very unexpected - and for most of my life, she was like a mom to me. We were very close - and she was very close with my daughter as well.
I don’t have any sage, wise words to help you unfortunately. But know you’re not alone in the grieving process. Most days I’m fine and it barely is on my mind. Other days I can’t stop thinking about her. And there are certain foods, songs, places, etc that bring it all crashing back too. I imagine this will ease with time, but I’m not there yet.
sending virtual hugs your way and definitely come on here should you need support!! There are some great people here.
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Re: My grief over my mother's death
Thank you.
Today because I'm feeling awful, I really miss her. For the last few years of her life she physically wasn't able to a lot. But she was there and even though we disagreed on a lot of things, she was my mum.
It's so hard and I'm so cross that she isn't here to tell me it's going to be OK.
I feel like I haven't got anyone to do that now.
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Re: My grief over my mother's death
Well I've just had a bloody good cry thinking about her. Maybe I needed to do that today.
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Re: My grief over my mother's death
So sorry for your loss :bighug1:
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Re: My grief over my mother's death
It is truly awful when you lose a loved one suddenly and unexpectedly and it takes a long time to accept and come to terms with something which wasn't meant to happen..
I hope it helped just to get some of those feelings down in print and to have a good cry..We are here for you whenever you need us xx
I lost my Mum suddenly 31 years ago this Sunday. It's not something you really get over but you learn to carry on and carry the memories with you during the hard times. This can bring you some comfort and solace but it all takes time and you are very recently bereaved. Some days you will cope and others will be all just too much to bear.. but you must always be kind to yourself and allow yourself to grieve xx
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Re: My grief over my mother's death
Big virtual hugs from me, Catkins :hugs:
Grief is a funny thing: just when you think you have a handle on it, it sneaks up and kicks your arse, and hard.
I lost my mother and my wife within fifteen months of each other. Mum, we knew it was coming as it was lung cancer. Mrs. PM was unexpected - post-operative complications (and IMO, NHS incompetence). I can't say I've got used to it even now: on Sunday I was randomly bursting into tears for seemingly no reason - and this is eleven years on. I can't even talk about them without breaking down (it's pretty hard even typing this). It is all so recent for you, so to be overwhelmed by it all at times is perfectly normal and yes, I've had my fair share of bloody good cries too.
There is, contrary to what some berk at work tried telling me back in 2010, no "correct" way to grieve, nor to process what has happened. It just... is.
As Pulisa says above: some days you'll be fine, then on other days there'll be the unexpected trigger that'll have you in bits. I can't get past the first note on the harp of Jim Reeves' "I Love You Because" without bursting into tears (which I'm doing now) because Mum loved that song. I remember putting it on her CD player at her now-silent house when it fell to me to pack the crockery up as we worked to emptying it and I just spent the next thirty minutes curled up in a ball on the lounge floor, howling.
Like you, it was always my mother I looked to to tell me everything will be all right; the last few years of Mrs. PM's life were hard as she had severe and debilitating illness, I had a shit situation at work and our relationship could be fraught, to put it mildly; but there was always a mug of tea and a bacon and egg sarnie at Mum's if I needed it. When she died, I felt like the safety nets and harnesses were now gone and I felt as scared as the small child in the shopping centre that's just lost sight of Mummy.
We're here to talk, and to listen; you're not alone. Remember that.
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Re: My grief over my mother's death
I’m so sorry you are in the middle of this. It sounds like you are still very much processing the shock of your mum’s death.
“I knew she would die eventually but when I got up that morning it was the furthest thing from my mind.”
I think this sentence captures exactly what it feels like when you lose someone unexpectedly. You keep going back to your state of mind just before, and wonder how it was you didn’t know...
Thinking of you
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Re: My grief over my mother's death
It's that sense of unreality too..as if you can't process what has happened and you don't really believe it..
It's worse when you are going through a crisis and need your mum just to talk you down..That's when the loss really hits you because mums can put things right and even if they can't just being there for you can soothe and support.
Anger is a significant part of bereavement too..so don't feel guilty about that. You need her and she's not there..
There's always bereavement counselling but it's not for everyone. Do you have any support from other family members or close friends?
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Re: My grief over my mother's death
Just found this. I'm so sorry, no wonder you are struggling. Yes, a bloody good cry is often exactly what's needed. More hugs. xxx
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Re: My grief over my mother's death
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Catkins
Why am I going through this again? I don't know. I was walking the dog this morning and I couldn't stop thinking about her, my mum that is, I feel I need to get some of what's in my head out as I think I've very much battled on and tried to be supportive to my stepdad etc. But I think it's all contributed to my current state.
When anxiety hits it's just awful and I feel I'm having to do everything and anything I can to help myself. Maybe this well help?
Sorry to hear about your mum, and I totally understand because I lost mine suddenly too.
This is still very early days for you; it's only been a matter of months..
On the day that my mother died, I woke up that night with severe chest pains. That was the start of my hardest battle with anxiety and I was also diagnosed with fibromyalgia a couple of years ago.
I don't know what your relationship with your mum was like, but mine was strong, and there was no time to say goodbye. Our last phone call (the night before) haunted me for years because I was still woozy from general anaesthetic and I wanted to go to sleep - so I abruptly ended the phone call telling my mum I'd call her the next day, only I never got the chance..
I lost my dad when I was 26 and Mum when I was 41. I've lost lots of people but none have left such a gigantic hole in my life as them. The way I see it; a part of me went with them. The part of me that only they could bring out? I changed when I lost my dad and again when Mum died and it's taken me many years to come to terms with her not being here. What helped me was to talk and write about her. I had a blog where I wrote about her in my own way - which was humorous - as in my sense of humour. I wrote about the time we went to the beach and she forgot she was wearing her slippers (pink fluffy mules) and Dad had to buy her some yellow flip-flops - only she got stuck in quicksand and came out minus one of them. The stories made people laugh and I laughed remembering them, and laughter is good for the heart and soul, right? But before I reached this point, I was stuck and incredibly sad. One day the thought came to me that I'm a mother, and how would I feel if my sons were so sad about me?
I had a lot of practical support when my mum died. I had two brothers, two grown up sons and a husband to lean on. If you're having to cope with practical stuff as well, it's no wonder your mental health is struggling. The death of a parent (especially one who was loved) is one of the hardest things you'll go through in terms of stress and we all grieve in different ways and there is no time limit. Mum died 10 years ago but it was only last week that I let her go and stopped talking to 'her' about my problems everyday. I'm not a nutter btw, I just believe that consciousness survives biological death.. Anyway, my dreams have been 'confusing' about my mother for a few years now. She was always sad or cross with me and I couldn't work out why. Then the thought came to me that, in talking to her everyday, I'm keeping 'her' here? So I took off her ring, locket, and moved the photograph of her and me away from my bedside table, and I finally said goodbye to her. That night I dreamt that her and my dad were buggering off in a tourer caravan (yeah, this is my brain lol) and she was happy; they both were.
My point is that we're all different and we cope with death in different ways. You will find your own way to cope, and the days will become easier as time goes on. The best way to honour the memory of a parent is to live life as best we can. In time, you'll walk the dog and be reminded of the good times. It's still too raw for you, and this is simply a stage of grief that you have to go through, but you will come out the other side. It's ok to feel angry or sad or cheated out of time. It's ok to cry until the snot runs down your face! We have to accept that the world is going to feel like it's closing in on us at times. Just allow the thoughts to come and then try and remember something that's good about your mum - before illness and the ending, and in time those shocking memories of a few months ago will retreat further and further away - like rumbles of thunder.. X
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Re: My grief over my mother's death
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Re: My grief over my mother's death
I know that this is a bit late, but I thought I would ramble about my own experiences with the death of loved ones on the chance that it might make you feel better. I am very spiritual and believe in an afterlife, but if you aren't, feel free to ignore me.
About a month before my sister died, I had a dream (a premonition? warning?) that she was going to die. I did not know why or how, but I woke up sobbing my eyes out and screaming to my mom that she was going to die, and that I had to warn her. My mom had told me that it was just a dream, and by the time my sister got home, I had forgotten to tell her. She died a month later.
The night my brother committed suicide, I had a dream where his spirit(?) led me downstairs to where I would later find his body. He was explaining (without words) why he did what he did, and that he had to go now. At the time I was really angry with him, so I told him that if he really wanted to go, then he should go.
About a year ago, I had a dream where I nice lady told me that my sister and my brother were always with me. When I woke up, I felt comforted knowing that even if I can't see them, that they are there and still care for me (even though I am not the best sister and they deserved so much better).
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Re: My grief over my mother's death
Today I miss you terribly.
I would have gone to your house if you'd still been here.
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Re: My grief over my mother's death
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Catkins
Today I miss you terribly.
I would have gone to your house if you'd still been here.
:hugs:
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Re: My grief over my mother's death
I’m really sorry for your loss. It was a terrible shock for you, no matter how much you may have been expecting it.
It’s still quite fresh for you really, and maybe as you go through the stages of grief this is you moving into a new processing stage.
Talking about it is great. You’re part of a horrible club now where people either understand what you’re going through or don’t, and you wouldn’t wish the pain on any of them.
I’ve lost both my parents so I suppose I understand some of what you’re feeling, but it’s still very personal to you. All I can say is to keep talking. Sending love x
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Re: My grief over my mother's death
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Originally Posted by
NoraB
Sorry to hear about your mum, and I totally understand because I lost mine suddenly too.
This is still very early days for you; it's only been a matter of months..
On the day that my mother died, I woke up that night with severe chest pains. That was the start of my hardest battle with anxiety and I was also diagnosed with fibromyalgia a couple of years ago.
I don't know what your relationship with your mum was like, but mine was strong, and there was no time to say goodbye. Our last phone call (the night before) haunted me for years because I was still woozy from general anaesthetic and I wanted to go to sleep - so I abruptly ended the phone call telling my mum I'd call her the next day, only I never got the chance..
I lost my dad when I was 26 and Mum when I was 41. I've lost lots of people but none have left such a gigantic hole in my life as them. The way I see it; a part of me went with them. The part of me that only they could bring out? I changed when I lost my dad and again when Mum died and it's taken me many years to come to terms with her not being here. What helped me was to talk and write about her. I had a blog where I wrote about her in my own way - which was humorous - as in my sense of humour. I wrote about the time we went to the beach and she forgot she was wearing her slippers (pink fluffy mules) and Dad had to buy her some yellow flip-flops - only she got stuck in quicksand and came out minus one of them. The stories made people laugh and I laughed remembering them, and laughter is good for the heart and soul, right? But before I reached this point, I was stuck and incredibly sad. One day the thought came to me that I'm a mother, and how would I feel if my sons were so sad about me?
I had a lot of practical support when my mum died. I had two brothers, two grown up sons and a husband to lean on. If you're having to cope with practical stuff as well, it's no wonder your mental health is struggling. The death of a parent (especially one who was loved) is one of the hardest things you'll go through in terms of stress and we all grieve in different ways and there is no time limit. Mum died 10 years ago but it was only last week that I let her go and stopped talking to 'her' about my problems everyday. I'm not a nutter btw, I just believe that consciousness survives biological death.. Anyway, my dreams have been 'confusing' about my mother for a few years now. She was always sad or cross with me and I couldn't work out why. Then the thought came to me that, in talking to her everyday, I'm keeping 'her' here? So I took off her ring, locket, and moved the photograph of her and me away from my bedside table, and I finally said goodbye to her. That night I dreamt that her and my dad were buggering off in a tourer caravan (yeah, this is my brain lol) and she was happy; they both were.
My point is that we're all different and we cope with death in different ways. You will find your own way to cope, and the days will become easier as time goes on. The best way to honour the memory of a parent is to live life as best we can. In time, you'll walk the dog and be reminded of the good times. It's still too raw for you, and this is simply a stage of grief that you have to go through, but you will come out the other side. It's ok to feel angry or sad or cheated out of time. It's ok to cry until the snot runs down your face! We have to accept that the world is going to feel like it's closing in on us at times. Just allow the thoughts to come and then try and remember something that's good about your mum - before illness and the ending, and in time those shocking memories of a few months ago will retreat further and further away - like rumbles of thunder.. X
I found some of what you said so familiar Nora. I lost my Mum 10 years ago too. It wasn’t sudden really - she had dementia, but her passing was sudden I suppose. But also, she’d been gone for a few years before that because of her awful disease.
I think I’ve let go of her. My life has changed so much since she left - I have a daughter now that she never got to meet.
I haven’t let go of my Dad though. It’s been 4 years and it’s still very raw.
Xx
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Re: My grief over my mother's death
It's 31 years tomorrow since my mum died suddenly and 7 years in September since I lost my dad. My mum never got to meet her granddaughter who is named after her and who was born the following year. She would have loved her though..I nearly died when my daughter was born and was in intensive care...I remember crying out for my mum because I needed her and i still do.
I wish I could speak to my parents now..and I sometimes ring my dad's old number and get a "number unobtainable "which just about sums things up.
As time goes on you learn to accept bereavement but you never really get over it.
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Re: My grief over my mother's death
It's even hard thinking I'll never get cross with her again.
I don't think I appreciated her enough when she was here. I think I took her for granted.
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Re: My grief over my mother's death
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Originally Posted by
Catkins
Today I miss you terribly.
I would have gone to your house if you'd still been here.
One of the saddest parts of losing my mum was losing the home that was once mine too. I went round and took photographs of the house as it was before we started to remove everything that made that house 'hers'. But those photographs didn't comfort me because she was missing from them. The house felt cold, despite the time of year. It had felt the same when my dad died, only that was to expected given that it was winter. What I decided to do instead was to 'visit' the house in my mind. It took me through every room and I could 'smell' the fag smoke, multiple air fresheners and scented candles (only less migraine-inducing than in real life) until I came to the living room, and there Mum would be - sat in her favourite chair, 'alive', healthy and smiling at me.
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Re: My grief over my mother's death
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Originally Posted by
Catkins
It's even hard thinking I'll never get cross with her again.
Nothing stopping you. I've managed a few arguments with my mother since she's passed on. :ohmy:
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I don't think I appreciated her enough when she was here. I think I took her for granted.
What child (adults included) haven't taken their parents for granted at some point?
The last phone call I had with my mum, I can't remember if I told her I loved her. That haunted me for years. Did I do enough? Why didn't I know something was wrong so that I could have helped her? Why. If only. I wish...
Eventually I realised that the word 'love' doesn't need to be said for it to be given or felt.
I ruminated on being able to save her if I'd have paid more attention to her during the phone call? But I came to realise that Mum's system had been compromised for a year as it was, and when I read what was on the death certificate, I knew that, had any of us got to her in time to save her, she would have not gone back to the level of independence she'd always known, and my mother wouldn't have handled that. She was a fiercely independent woman and seeing as she told the surgeon who was giving her a new hip where to 'stick his effing crutches' after hearing that she'd have to use them for 6 weeks, I can say without a shadow of a doubt that my mother would not have taken kindly to losing her independence until the end of her days. As it was, she died the week before her op - such is the length my mum went to in order to avoid those crutches! :roflmao:
Nobody has the perfect relationship Catkins. That's not how life works. My mother irritated the shit out of me at times, and I'm responsible for her hair going prematurely grey..
I left home at 16. I hurt her (and my dad) beyond words, not that I understood that then. But the photographs taken at the time show that hurt quite clearly: arms folded over the heart and smiles that doesn't reach the eyes. I know that I was a pain in the @rse as a teenager! :whistles: But I also know that I couldn't have loved her anymore than I did.
The way I see it? Grief is the price we pay for loving someone, and the more we love someone, the deeper the grief. These thoughts you're having are all normal and part of the grieving process.. X
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Re: My grief over my mother's death
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Originally Posted by
Scass
I think I’ve let go of her. My life has changed so much since she left - I have a daughter now that she never got to meet.
I haven’t let go of my Dad though. It’s been 4 years and it’s still very raw
Sorry to hear you've lost your parents too Scass. X
It took me years to come to terms with the loss of my dad too. I was a 'daddy's girl'. I idolised him. Dad was 100% NT but one of those really special human beings who just make everybody feel ok, you know? I could be myself around him and feel loved. We watched the footie together (Liverpool, obvs) and listened to music, and even though my life away from home was beyond terrible; Dad made it all go away while I was with him. He was a very special bloke, and I'm so happy to have been his daughter.
Amongst my mother's things, I came across some cassette tapes from the 70s. My parents used to make tapes for my aunty and grandma who lived down South. I found one of me (as a very young child) singing to Max Bygraves with my dad. Listening to myself is a total cringe-fest but on that tape are Mum and Dad's voices and I can't even describe what it does to my heart, you know? There's also one my Grandma and Grandad made for us one Christmas. Side A to my parents, only Nan forgot to adjust the speed on the record player so Perry Como sounded like Pinky and Perky! :roflmao: and Side B was to me and my brothers, only Nan forgot to take the pause off, so there's nowt on it. :whistles:
This reminds me, I really should get those tapes transferred onto digital. I'd hate anything to happen to them...
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Re: My grief over my mother's death
Quote:
Originally Posted by
NoraB
This reminds me, I really should get those tapes transferred onto digital. I'd hate anything to happen to them...
I was doing this a couple of years ago - I have about 350 - 400 cassettes to transfer and until I got sidetracked, I'd done about fifty. I have a PC dedicated to the task, with a professional sound card in it and numerous high-end cassette machines.
I don't know how old your cassettes are, but brand has a lot to do with longevity. Ampex were by far and away the worst; unplayable - the tape stuck to itself and locked the machine up. Memorex came second worst. The best ones were TDK, with BASF being variable. I should add the cassettes I found this out on all date from the mid-1970s.
Don't forget though that digital media can fail: old CD-Rs seem to be very unreliable, and USB sticks can, and do, fail too. Some of my early 'proper' CDs have been attacked by the sponge lining in their cases as well.
By far and away the most reliable audio media I have is shellac and vinyl....
By all means make a digital copy of them, but keep the originals. I know people who transferred their VHS tapes to DVDs and binned the VHS tapes... only for the DVD to fail.
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Re: My grief over my mother's death
My mum would be telling my husband to get a grip right now. In fact she'd probably be telling me the same. But I would get a hug with it.
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Re: My grief over my mother's death
I used to absolutely hate when she used to spit on old tissue from her pocket and then wipe my face with it. I'm sure I wasn't that dirty! It smelt horrible.
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Re: My grief over my mother's death
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Catkins
I used to absolutely hate when she used to spit on old tissue from her pocket and then wipe my face with it. I'm sure I wasn't that dirty! It smelt horrible.
That's made me laugh! Oh, I had relatives that did that to me too!
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Re: My grief over my mother's death
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Pamplemousse
I was doing this a couple of years ago - I have about 350 - 400 cassettes to transfer and until I got sidetracked, I'd done about fifty. I have a PC dedicated to the task, with a professional sound card in it and numerous high-end cassette machines.
I don't know how old your cassettes are, but brand has a lot to do with longevity. Ampex were by far and away the worst; unplayable - the tape stuck to itself and locked the machine up. Memorex came second worst. The best ones were TDK, with BASF being variable. I should add the cassettes I found this out on all date from the mid-1970s.
The tapes that came from my gran and aunty are cheap, but my mother didn't do 'cheap'. I don't know for sure what this particular tape is without looking but it's going to be in the TDK type of range. They're from the mid-70s onwards..
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By all means make a digital copy of them, but keep the originals. I know people who transferred their VHS tapes to DVDs and binned the VHS tapes... only for the DVD to fail.
I'd always keep the original, and I have it well protected. I also have a tape player to play it on, but I keep it down to an occasional play for practical and emotional reasons. :weep:
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Re: My grief over my mother's death
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Catkins
My mum would be telling my husband to get a grip right now. In fact she'd probably be telling me the same. But I would get a hug with it.
You can still talk to her and “listen” to her. Their voices are part of us, and in my opinion they spent much of their lives teaching us how to live without them.
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Re: My grief over my mother's death
Quote:
Originally Posted by
pulisa
It's 31 years tomorrow since my mum died suddenly and 7 years in September since I lost my dad. My mum never got to meet her granddaughter who is named after her and who was born the following year. She would have loved her though..I nearly died when my daughter was born and was in intensive care...I remember crying out for my mum because I needed her and i still do.
I wish I could speak to my parents now..and I sometimes ring my dad's old number and get a "number unobtainable "which just about sums things up.
As time goes on you learn to accept bereavement but you never really get over it.
Hugs Pulisa.
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Re: My grief over my mother's death
Quote:
Originally Posted by
NoraB
Sorry to hear you've lost your parents too Scass. X
It took me years to come to terms with the loss of my dad too. I was a 'daddy's girl'. I idolised him. Dad was 100% NT but one of those really special human beings who just make everybody feel ok, you know? I could be myself around him and feel loved. We watched the footie together (Liverpool, obvs) and listened to music, and even though my life away from home was beyond terrible; Dad made it all go away while I was with him. He was a very special bloke, and I'm so happy to have been his daughter.
Amongst my mother's things, I came across some cassette tapes from the 70s. My parents used to make tapes for my aunty and grandma who lived down South. I found one of me (as a very young child) singing to Max Bygraves with my dad. Listening to myself is a total cringe-fest but on that tape are Mum and Dad's voices and I can't even describe what it does to my heart, you know? There's also one my Grandma and Grandad made for us one Christmas. Side A to my parents, only Nan forgot to adjust the speed on the record player so Perry Como sounded like Pinky and Perky! :roflmao: and Side B was to me and my brothers, only Nan forgot to take the pause off, so there's nowt on it. :whistles:
This reminds me, I really should get those tapes transferred onto digital. I'd hate anything to happen to them...
Those tapes sound wonderful.
I have my Dads old computer and I was going through it a few months ago & found some videos of my Mum I’d not seen before. It was a real jolt.
I have all of his voicemails saved on my phone, I really need to get them saved somewhere safe.
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Re: My grief over my mother's death
My mum would be telling me to go home now.
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Re: My grief over my mother's death
Quote:
Originally Posted by
NoraB
The tapes that came from my gran and aunty are cheap, but my mother didn't do 'cheap'. I don't know for sure what this particular tape is without looking but it's going to be in the TDK type of range. They're from the mid-70s onwards..
[...]
I'd always keep the original, and I have it well protected. I also have a tape player to play it on, but I keep it down to an occasional play for practical and emotional reasons. :weep:
Fantastic, you're 90% of the way there already. Suitable lead to go between computer and tape player, download a copy of Audacity (assuming Windows), get recording.
Scass can do something similar with the phone voicemails.
Mrs. PM recorded the outgoing message on our old answering machine: that has similarly been captured.
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Re: My grief over my mother's death
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Scass
Hugs Pulisa.
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Thank you, Scass:hugs:
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Re: My grief over my mother's death
Just been chatting on messenger with my sister.
Mum would be so cross with my husband right now. She'd really give him what for. She was very traditional in her views and would be declaring that my husband should look after me, not like the other way round as it has been. She'd be stotting.
I miss her so much.
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Re: My grief over my mother's death
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Catkins
She'd be stotting.
Not heard that term before, Catkins. Can you translate?
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Re: My grief over my mother's death
Stotting mad.
Maybe it's a northern thing.
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Re: My grief over my mother's death
The more I think about it the more pissed off I am with my mum for asking me to look out for my stepdad if she died first. I know I'm in no fit state to help him at the moment. But the stress of the last few months has been horrendous. Why the hell did she have to bloody die when she did, selfishly I guess I'm partially blaming her for how I feel just now.
Totally unreasonable of me I know.
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Re: My grief over my mother's death
Your mum isn't to blame but you know that. It's an accumulation of stressors. The best thing you can do in her memory is to concentrate on getting better by shedding additional responsibilities and avoiding unnecessary conflict. Make sure your husband makes an appointment with IAPT services to discuss his HA. He can self-refer and doesn't need a GP referral.
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Re: My grief over my mother's death
I will. He is still arguing that he doesn't have it and I'm not sure how I can get past that. But he has agreed to go for anxiety management which I think is a step forward.
And I know my mum isn't to blame. I just wish she was still around, then we could sit together and I could moan at her, and she could moan at me. Then we could forget what we were talking about in the first place and maybe have a piece of the cake that she'd just made.
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Re: My grief over my mother's death
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Catkins
Stotting mad.
Maybe it's a northern thing.
I'm part-Northern (maters side) and I emigrated further North but I aint heard that term. I like it though. I'll be using it from now on, and it won't be too long before I have to use it on Hubs. :yesyes: