DPD/Hyperawarneness/OCD?- Very scary , any one relate ???

Hello all, sorry to read that so many people on here are going through hell at times it seems.

I'll try to explain this as best I can and hopefully someone can relate.

I logged on to this forum late last year as I had a panic attack and started to experience symptoms of DPD. Basically I was very aware that i was" trapped" inside my own head, my voice sounded strange and alien and my reflection just didn't look like me. I have been having regular CBT for OCD thoughts and obsessions with anxiety which has now finished but has helped with intrusive thoughts etc.

Now, here's the difficult to explain bit. I have this constant awareness that I'm inside my own head and that trapped feeling too. It is so much worse when I'm alone which is also scary as I'll soon be living alone again after just buying a house. It's so hard to explain but it's like I can't believe my own consciousness, or I freak out that I am seeing through my eyes or something. I feel like an alien trapped in my own body, it's bizarre and terrifying and I don't mind admitting that it's led to suicidal thoughts in the past and those have come creeping back to. I know it comes and goes and it's just another form of anxiety and obsessive thought but its so difficult.

I've also read up about hyper awareness, existential OCD and DPD and I think there are definitely some aspects of those involved. When I'm alone I feel like I want to talk to myself as being silent is really difficult.

I can't really explain anymore and hope that some of this makes sense, I'm just hoping others can relate to be honest. I'm so scared that I will always be like this, I just want to go back on autopilot.

Thank you.

I've been living in a state of existential terror for nearly a year now and I can relate to what you're saying.

"Now, here's the difficult to explain bit. I have this constant awareness that I'm inside my own head and that trapped feeling too. It is so much worse when I'm alone which is also scary as I'll soon be living alone again after just buying a house. It's so hard to explain but it's like I can't believe my own consciousness, or I freak out that I am seeing through my eyes or something. I feel like an alien trapped in my own body, it's bizarre and terrifying and I don't mind admitting that it's led to suicidal thoughts in the past and those have come creeping back to. I know it comes and goes and it's just another form of anxiety and obsessive thought but its so difficult."

I've suffered this along with a whole range of uncomfortable symptoms. It's a very hard thing to explain so I understand but the feeling of being trapped for me lingered a long, long time and led, in past, to desperation and suicidal ideas. Does it feel to you like every moment is one of uncomfortable clarity? like I'm never in the flow or doing things on autopilot. I will say I'm a lot more calm with it nowadays, and when I have that moment it is more easily brushed aside but it is not gone. Valium, Mirtazapine helped me deal with the worst of the physical feelings in the head.