Worsening - Rationalising
Hi all,
I’m writing this out to see if what I’m thinking makes sense, so if anyone has any comments (or corrections!), it would be very much appreciated.
My anxiety lately, has become far worse, but I’m offsetting it by reassuring myself that there are almost valid reasons for it, and it will settle down once I get stability back, if I keep doing and start redoing the right things again…
- My therapist stopped private work, so I spent ages deciding what to do treatment wise next.
- I’ve been nodding along with an NHS ACT therapy guy, who is basically trying to corner me so I come out fighting - a lack of fight isn’t my issue, and I actually think my fighting is actually the issue.
- I’ve been pretty ill (just a bad cold I think), so the limited time I do spend exercising and doing physical stuff has gone out of the window, and been replaced my coughing and ruminating.
- Everyone in the house has suddenly started going away on holidays and things again, so I am having to get used to spending large amounts of time on my own again.
- My family are basically pleading with me constantly to start taking medication, and have adopted the attitude that because I’m not taking it, I’m not trying to get better. I think medication is becoming an option I’m open to, but I’m terrified to do it.
- My Sister in Law and my Father (who I worry about) have both been in hospital in the last week.
The result has been a ramping up of intrusive thoughts and a pretty constant derealisation. The thoughts are about the nature of reality and stuff, so I’m guessing that comes with such a constant low level derealisation - my old therapist simply says my mind is exhausted from the constant analysis of how I am, and why I’m like this. I can’t remember the last time I felt OK, and it’s driven me to a pretty dark place.
I deleted my last post because it turned into unspecific rambling from me, which I’m determined this won’t. Just specifics and back out.
If anyone can relate or has any comments, I would be very grateful for your input, as I’m freaking myself out. Does all that make sense?
Thanks, PHR. x
Re: Worsening - Rationalising
Quote:
Originally Posted by
PHR
Hi all,
I’m writing this out to see if what I’m thinking makes sense, so if anyone has any comments (or corrections!), it would be very much appreciated.
My anxiety lately, has become far worse, but I’m offsetting it by reassuring myself that there are almost valid reasons for it, and it will settle down once I get stability back, if I keep doing and start redoing the right things again…
- My therapist stopped private work, so I spent ages deciding what to do treatment wise next.
- I’ve been nodding along with an NHS ACT therapy guy, who is basically trying to corner me so I come out fighting - a lack of fight isn’t my issue, and I actually think my fighting is actually the issue.
- I’ve been pretty ill (just a bad cold I think), so the limited time I do spend exercising and doing physical stuff has gone out of the window, and been replaced my coughing and ruminating.
- Everyone in the house has suddenly started going away on holidays and things again, so I am having to get used to spending large amounts of time on my own again.
- My family are basically pleading with me constantly to start taking medication, and have adopted the attitude that because I’m not taking it, I’m not trying to get better. I think medication is becoming an option I’m open to, but I’m terrified to do it.
- My Sister in Law and my Father (who I worry about) have both been in hospital in the last week.
The result has been a ramping up of intrusive thoughts and a pretty constant derealisation. The thoughts are about the nature of reality and stuff, so I’m guessing that comes with such a constant low level derealisation - my old therapist simply says my mind is exhausted from the constant analysis of how I am, and why I’m like this. I can’t remember the last time I felt OK, and it’s driven me to a pretty dark place.
I deleted my last post because it turned into unspecific rambling from me, which I’m determined this won’t. Just specifics and back out.
If anyone can relate or has any comments, I would be very grateful for your input, as I’m freaking myself out. Does all that make sense?
Thanks, PHR. x
Hi, I’m sorry you’re going through a very bad time at the moment.
Many years ago, I suffered from derealisation. It’s just horrible isn’t it? I never thought it would go. I felt that I was trying to constantly analyse how I felt and try and find a reason for it and somehow “fight” my way back from it. Of course, you can’t really “think” yourself out of derealisation… it is one of the hardest things ever but the only way to ever come out of it is to thoroughly and completely accept it. This is obviously the last thing you want to do but it is the only way. You absolutely have to try and go about your daily business accepting and letting the feeling wash over you. When I first experienced it, it terrified me as I thought I was going mad. Then I came to this forum and did some reason on the subject and realised why I was experiencing it. Your old therapist is right, it is your mind having reached exhaustion and it is a protective mechanism I suppose. Actually, now I think about it, I cannot remember the exact moment I stopped feeling it.. I think it gradually lifted over time.
Do you think you are maybe not getting on with your therapist - you could look to change to someone else?
Re: Worsening - Rationalising
I'm very sorry you're having such a tough time too PHR.One question - and forgive me if it's way off beam. Underneath everything else, do you think you might be very angry? Not sure why, but that was what came across when I read your message.
Re: Worsening - Rationalising
Quote:
Originally Posted by
silver_shoes
Hi, I’m sorry you’re going through a very bad time at the moment.
Many years ago, I suffered from derealisation. It’s just horrible isn’t it? I never thought it would go. I felt that I was trying to constantly analyse how I felt and try and find a reason for it and somehow “fight” my way back from it. Of course, you can’t really “think” yourself out of derealisation… it is one of the hardest things ever but the only way to ever come out of it is to thoroughly and completely accept it. This is obviously the last thing you want to do but it is the only way. You absolutely have to try and go about your daily business accepting and letting the feeling wash over you. When I first experienced it, it terrified me as I thought I was going mad. Then I came to this forum and did some reason on the subject and realised why I was experiencing it. Your old therapist is right, it is your mind having reached exhaustion and it is a protective mechanism I suppose. Actually, now I think about it, I cannot remember the exact moment I stopped feeling it.. I think it gradually lifted over time.
Do you think you are maybe not getting on with your therapist - you could look to change to someone else?
Hi Silver,
That’s exactly it, I’ve got in a constant battle with myself, and am just confusing myself more and more. It’s actually made me depressed which I never get with my anxiety really. Constantly uncomfortable in myself, constantly thinking about the state I’m in.
I try so hard to just leave it alone whilst I carry on, but I’m struggling to work now, and can’t focus on anything or enjoy anything, so it’s very difficult. I can’t remember what ‘normal’ feels like anymore.
That is what I have to do though I think, stop the analysing, and give the mind time to rest, it’s just easier said than done. Glad to hear you got out of it though, hope you’re OK.
Re: Worsening - Rationalising
Quote:
Originally Posted by
chinesewall
I'm very sorry you're having such a tough time too PHR.One question - and forgive me if it's way off beam. Underneath everything else, do you think you might be very angry? Not sure why, but that was what came across when I read your message.
Erm, I wouldn’t say angry. More hopeless and confused… and a little p*ssed off with it all to be honest.
Re: Worsening - Rationalising
I'm sorry you're still struggling; Phil :(
Re: Worsening - Rationalising
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Scissel73
I'm sorry you're still struggling; Phil :(
Honestly didn’t know anxiety could do this.
I’ll keep doing the right things, I’m sure it will pass.
Hope you are good.
Re: Worsening - Rationalising
I don’t know what the hell is going on with me at the minute, as in I’m not sure how much of my symptoms are the cold I’ve had for about 3 weeks, how much of it is anxiety (or if the cold is making me anxious), or if its low mood. There is no wavering, I just have a constant head pressure, can’t focus on anything and am constantly tired… until I try to sleep that is. The symptoms feel too constant to be anxiety, but are too horrible to just be a cold. Very odd, but very scary.
Re: Worsening - Rationalising
This foggy derealised feeling has been awful the last few days, despite me cracking on and ignoring it. Does anyone have any other ideas of how to snap myself out of it? The only thing I haven’t been doing that I think might help is exercising.
Re: Worsening - Rationalising
Phil, with all due respect, you deleted a nearly year long thread saying it was 'unspecific rambling". How is this thread really any different?
FMP