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lilly-lou 04-07-08 08:39

My 12 yr old is suffering from anxiety
I'm really having a bad time at the moment. This week my 12 yr old daughter has been suffering with anxiety attacks and I'm devastated, she is waking up every morning with a churning stomach and being sick, today is the first morning she has gone to school and I feel like a horrid mum for sending her. I called her and her sister a taxi to make it a bit easier for her but she was so upset, I know by her avoiding going to school will only make things worse for her and thats the last thing that I want so even though I feel horrid for doing it I know in the long run it is the best thing for her.

I feel like a failure as a parent, there is a huge family history of anxiety in the females of my family and I was hoping that this was one of the genetics of my family that would skip my girls but no, i hate this s***** illness, its so unfair and she's such a lovely kid, kind to others and has never caused me a days worry or given me any grief, she doesn't deserve this its so unfair.

I am taking her to the docs on mon as this is the earliest appointment I can get, I don't want things not treated like it wasn't with me when I first started to suffer and then snow-balling into something much bigger.

Thanks for reading this, I'm so upset, its only now she has left the house that I can't stop crying about it, she's my baby and I haven't been able to protect her from suffering from this

bluesparkle 04-07-08 09:04

Re: My 12 yr old is suffering from anxiety
hi lilly -lou
dont be so hard on yourself . . . you are not a bad mum ok. . .
i do understand how you feel my 13 year old daughter has panic attacks and it is so hard to see them suffer as we know what its like to feel like that.
sometimes i feel that im not doing all i can to help her.
i think you did the right thing sending her to school but i can understand the tears. have a :hugs: (i know that doesnt help much).
i try to keep my daughters days as normal as possible and would rather she went to school even if i had to collect her.
take care and have a bit of time for you whilst she is at school
good luck monday please let us know how you get on

josephine 04-07-08 09:41

Re: My 12 yr old is suffering from anxiety
Hi Lilly-Lou,

I have just read your post and understand how you feel. My son is also 12 and suffers from my anxiety to a degree. He goes to school and enjoys it, but find some things difficult. He told me that he had to read out something in english and couldnt stop shaking. He also plays keyboard and gets nervous and anxious.I find that bit bt bit he is gaining more confidence and he also has his fathers personality which is much more confident than mine.
I feel for u so want to protect your child and u feel helpless.Its so hard to be a mum.
I thought my son would become like me, but he is not me and has shown signs of being stronger. Maybe your daughter will gain more confidence as she gets older and will not always feel as she does now. She is very lucky to have a mum like you who understands and is helping her.Hopefully the gp will beable to help and advise you as well.

No one understood my anxiety as i was growing up. As a result i did my best to hide it and avoid things.Which is pretty much what i do today.Your daughter has you who understands and im sure this will help her alot.

LOve Josephine.Xxxx

jill 04-07-08 09:57

Re: My 12 yr old is suffering from anxiety
Hi Lilly :bighug1:

I do totaly understand, how you are feeling now hun,:hugs: (daughter vomitting before school) but will not go into detail right now.

Because your daughter is having anx now, this DOES NOT mean, this will last forever. Have you talked to her and asked if there is anything worring her? It can be hard for the young child to pin point just whats worring her, it maybe alot of small little things going on in school, lots of small worries can lead to big anxietys.

How is she at home hun, does she have anx at home, or is it all around school?. I know its dame hard for you right now, but try and pin point where her worries are, (but as I said, not always easy) it takes time, looking carfully at when and where her anx is the most.

YOU ARE NOT a bad Mum hun, PLEASE, please DON'T think this, try dame hard to focus on moving forward.

You are sooo doing the right thing in sending her to school, ohh boy, I do have horrible memories of doing that, BUT, its the best thing, avoiding things is NOT the answer.

Try to reasure your daughter, tell her that lots of kids feel this way from time to time, encourage her to talk about how she feel, encourge her to talk about school, how her day went.

You say there is a family history, ohh hun, in mine too, BUT, please, please DON'T focus on this, DON'T, see this as a label that cannot be removed, becasue IT CAN, with the right support, you daughter CAN get better, this maybe just a large hiccup she is going through and in her own little mind, she does not understand how to deal with it and this present moment in time, she NEEDS quidance.

When my daugher had her last hiccup, mm large blip, it was when was about 2 years ago, she is nearly 15 now and doing well.( I am sooo proud of her) I did what you are doing, took her the gp and the child mental health team got involved, will not go inot that now.

You are doing all you can hun to help your daughter :hugs:

How long as your daughter had time off school hun? I ask this for a reason, does the school know whats going on. I know for me AND my daughter it was important to bring the school in on whats going on.

IT IS, sooo unfair, this emotional illness (don't like to call it mental, after all, thats what it does, it messes about with our emotions and feelings) IS dame hard to deal with as an adult, let alone a child.

I myself never new what my daughter had gone though, untill, many, many, years later, I too suffered pa's, high anxiety, (hence me joining this great site) Both me and my daughter are doing well now.

I was just saying to my mum last night, our maker gave me pa, high anx, for a reason, and that reason was to learn and understand about pa's high anxiety and how the mind works, to help my daughter.

When my daughter had her blip, I had bean a memeber off NMP for a few years. The knowledge ths site has given me as been pricless, it helped me help my daughter at the time of her blip. I owe this site alot. I did seek help from the site at the time and recieved lots of help and support.

I do know what you are going through right now, even knowing I had knowledge I was still felt like a headless chicken, running around, ringing people, wanting to talk to someone, it seemed to me, at the time, things were not happening quick enough, I wanted her better, and I wanted it NOW. I wanted to know if I, YES ME, was doing anything wrong. I did get to chat to a child phic, 5 mins on phon (sorry about spelling) she helped alot)

Please let us know how you get on hun, KEEP venting on here, I know its dame hard but with the right support, this WILL pass for your daughter.

I hope this has helped a little, even if its just knowing that people understand what you are going thought, my heart goes out to you and your daughter.




lilly-lou 04-07-08 09:58

Re: My 12 yr old is suffering from anxiety
Thanks for the replies. I have always tried hard to give my kids a normal life despite my anxiety, they have always been very social, I have made sure of that. My parents never told me I was loved and I never felt wanted so I have made sure that my kids know how much they are loved and how pleased and lucky I am to have them as my kids. My 12 yr old knows she was concieved through fertility drugs and was a much wanted child as were all my kids so deep down I know that it is not due to feeling unloved or not wanted that is making her anxious but something else.

I am waiting for her head of yr at school to phone me back to see if there is anything going on at school that is worrying her and I've asked her if there is any kids picking on her but she says no. Her older sister will keep an eye on her at school and so far I haven't had a call to collect her which is a good thing as she must be feeling a lot better.

When she gets home I think I will take her out and give her a treat for managing to go to school even though she was so upset, I think it was very brave and mature of her to do this, she is such a lovely girl I really hope that this can be nipped in the bud.

She has had mon-thurs off this week. She feels sick every morning and is ok mid morning. She has also had chest pains and her speech is very dis-fluent at the moment so I don't know if the other kids are taking the mickey out of her about that.

lilibet 04-07-08 10:08

Re: My 12 yr old is suffering from anxiety
Oh darling

I know you feel so rotten this morning. I bet you are willing the clock on until 3pm when you have her home, you will just want to hear that she has had a good day.

I have anxiety probs which started after i had my son who is 12 too. He can be a real worrier so when he developed alopecia last jan 07 you can imagine i how i felt. I thought that it was my fault because he had got his worrying off me! Anyway, to cut a long story short he had a few sessions of reiki which calmed him down and his hair grew back too.

We are ok at the moment but take one day at a time.

Let me know how you get on.

Love lilibet x

lilly-lou 04-07-08 12:36

Re: My 12 yr old is suffering from anxiety
Yes i am clock watching and can't wait for her to get home I have told her that it will pass and its just a blip and she wont always feel this way, but no phone call is re-assuring that she must be feeling ok now but I know she dreads the mornings as she is so agitated and tearful, just hope the doc can give some good advice on mon

kaz0904 05-07-08 17:20

Re: My 12 yr old is suffering from anxiety
Oh the poor love!
I think my daughter may suffer from anxiety as well, she gets so worked up about such tiny things. She worries about her heart, when she has got all stressed she can hear her heart loud in her ears, and it frightens her. She's only 10 as well. Its such a shame, but she is my daughter, so I suppose its one of the things she has inherited from me.

I hope your daughter feels better soon xx

Bill 06-07-08 00:33

Re: My 12 yr old is suffering from anxiety
As we know, anxiety and panics are caused by a fear that is troubling us. Just as with an adult, it's very important to coax a sufferer to open up about what it is that is frightening them because otherwise no one can help them.

When we see a doctor, they won't know what is frightening a sufferer and often they don't have the time or expertise to coax and delve to get to the bottom of things so they most often prescribe ad's to ease the symptoms and consider arranging for a sufferer to see a specialist.

However, I feel it's within our own powers to discover the cause so that a trip to the doctors may be prevented because we maybe able to resolve our youngsters fears ourselves. If a doctor is still needed though at least we can tell them exactly what it is that we're afraid of so that if a specialist is needed, the mental health team will know exactly what type of specialist is required.

I just feel that anxiety is not an illness but so often we treat it as such by turning to medications for a "cure" when anxiety is caused by worry, a lack of confidence and fear which "can" all be treated without the need for medication. However, when we are young, we often don't realise this because we just "feel ill" so therefore Must be ill when we're not.

If someone suffers anxiety symptoms at the sight of a spider, the best way to cure their "illness" is by getting them to touch the spider. As a parent I feel it's possible to coax our frightened offspring ourselves to do this. If we teach them the right way to cope with fear from a young age, alot of complications can be avoided as they grow older so I feel it's very important that the correct approach and right treatment are used from the beginning. Just a thought.:hugs:

DeniseB 06-07-08 00:53

Re: My 12 yr old is suffering from anxiety
And a good opinion to Bill!


I have often 'feared' that my issues would affect my children and have done my upmost to try and deal with issues when they are near hoping that the would not pick up on my anxiety!!

As suffers we should be the best councillors and I agree Bill - teaching your kids to deal with their fears is paramount!

We strive forward!

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