My Story So Far (Agoraphobia)
Firstly, I would like to aplogise for the length of this post. It will bore you to tears!
It all started back in mid 2005. I was a very heavy drinker, and used to leave work and head straight to the pub. I would stay in the pub until closing, and sometimes even later. But that all changed when I started to feel nauseous when in the car, or in the pub…. even at work! What made things worse, it wasn’t just a feeling of nausea, I was physically sick on lots of occasions.
Over a period of 2 months or so, my spells of nausea became worse. When travelling to and from work, I would normally have to stop once or twice to be sick. I would get to the pub, order a pint, and then have to go to the toilets to vomit. It all became too much, and I thought it was my bodies way of telling me that I need to stop drinking, or at least cut down.
So my daily routine changed. I would finish work, and instead of heading for the pub, I would drive home and stay there, maybe watch some television, or just go to sleep. Even though my drinking had dramatically reduced, I still felt the same nausea when leaving the house to go to work, or to the shop. Anyway, in October 2005 I handed in my resignation at work, and struggled through my 4week resignation period. I finished work in November 2005, and from that moment on, I haven’t done a great deal. It is now July 2006, and my fight of Agoraphobia is continuing.
I sought advice from my GP in March, who sent a nurse from the local Mental Health Team to assess me. She talked for a while and asked me lots of questions, to which I answered the best I could. The nurse left and a week or so later I received a letter with her findings. I was Agoraphobic! I had never really thought about Mental Illnesses before, and certainly didn’t ever imagine that a strong willed, head strong character like me would get one. How wrong could I get?
The advice from the nurse was to battle Agoraphobia on my own, and make progress in very small steps. Maybe just stand in the doorway looking out for a while, and then maybe progress to moving from the doorstep onto the pathway. I certainly tried, but the feeling of nausea would return if I got more than 10feet from the house. I was stuck!
Until recently, I had the most loving, caring girlfriend anyone could ever dream to have. She catered for my every need. Unfortunately, my Agoraphobia became too much for even her to handle, and she left me. My immediate family members are not at all supportive, and don’t seem caring. They’re opinion is, “if your not physically damaged, there is nothing wrong with you”. I guess I can’t blame them, I would probably have felt the same had I not experienced something this awful.
I needed to find something else to combat Agoraphobia, so I turned to Hypnotherapy. After phoning a few numbers in the Yellow Pages, I stumbled across a guy who had experience with Agoraphobics and decided to give it a try. At £70 per hour, I was hoping for a quick fix, but it didn’t happen. I ran out of money and couldn’t continue the therapy, which I don’t think was making any difference anyway.
This last 2-3 month period, I have been feeling more and more depressed. Taking my own life had entered my head on many occasions, and I would sometimes sit alone and cry. I often wished I had a really bad physical illness instead of my Agoraphobia…. at least they can be properly diagnosed and treated accordingly.
So here I am, still at stepping stone number one. My sincere apologies to you for having to read my story, but without my honest account of my experience, I don’t see how I can be helped, or indeed help anyone else.
