Re: Need some support and handholding please
You anxiety levels are out of control AS92, a visit to A and E and yet a good ecg are a pretty good indication that you are in the grips of deep fear and distress.....so I'm not surprised you are feeling so ill ! You really are jumping to catastrophic outcomes, with no evidence at all and the mind is a pretty powerful thing with creating HA symptoms, connections and worst case scenarios. I've just read back your last thread, where your doctor wasn't worried about the one random bleed event and certainly all your other tests and checks listed above have had a good outcome - so there is no need to be panicking to the level you are, really. So, heres the thing, you have to go and have your ultrasound, and what they find they find, IF anything at all. Even people who DO get diagnosed with serious medical conditions have to face them, get them treated and get on with their lives.
It sounds to me as if, as you are having a private scan, you haven't been referred by your GP ? So, this is a test you have chosen to have yourself and therefore you are making a choice to either clear your mind from fears about the ovarian cancer, or see if anything is there at all that could have caused a one-off bleed ? You can take control of this situation, no amount of your pacing, being hysterical or moody will affect tomorrow or the outcome so take some time to sit down and talk with your husband properly, this level of anxiety alone will cause you to feel ill. This time tomorrow it will all be done and dusted, you just need to retain as much strength as you can until its over. DO some deep breathing, do anything to distract yourself. You are at your worst right now, but the worst doesn't last and won't last - as quickly as the worst came, the worst can go. You just need to believe that.
Re: Need some support and handholding please
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Carys
You anxiety levels are out of control AS92, a visit to A and E and yet a good ecg are a pretty good indication that you are in the grips of deep fear and distress.....so I'm not surprised you are feeling so ill ! You really are jumping to catastrophic outcomes, with no evidence at all and the mind is a pretty powerful thing with creating HA symptoms, connections and worst case scenarios. I've just read back your last thread, where your doctor wasn't worried about the one random bleed event and certainly all your other tests and checks listed above have had a good outcome - so there is no need to be panicking to the level you are, really. So, heres the thing, you have to go and have your ultrasound, and what they find they find, IF anything at all. Even people who DO get diagnosed with serious medical conditions have to face them, get them treated and get on with their lives.
It sounds to me as if, as you are having a private scan, you haven't been referred by your GP ? So, this is a test you have chosen to have yourself and therefore you are making a choice to either clear your mind from fears about the ovarian cancer, or see if anything is there at all that could have caused a one-off bleed ? You can take control of this situation, no amount of your pacing, being hysterical or moody will affect tomorrow or the outcome so take some time to sit down and talk with your husband properly, this level of anxiety alone will cause you to feel ill. This time tomorrow it will all be done and dusted, you just need to retain as much strength as you can until its over. DO some deep breathing, do anything to distract yourself. You are at your worst right now, but the worst doesn't last and won't last - as quickly as the worst came, the worst can go. You just need to believe that.
I know they're completely out of control at the moment. I have fallen in a huge, dark hole and I just cannot find my way out of it. I know that whatever the outcome ends up being, me pacing up and down like a caged tiger is not going to change the outcome. Yes I paid privately, because the gp will not put 2x2 together ie with my digestive issues. I need to be certain that it has nothing to do with that. I will not be reassured 100% but I will feel much better knowing that my ultrasound is clear because right now that is the only thing terrifying me. I am so scared. Haven't slept properly all night and feel very jittery again. Afraid of death, but how is this living? This is absolute BEEPING torture and I've had enough of it.
Re: Need some support and handholding please
The problem is that a private scan won't solve anything, although goodness knows I can understand the desire for the pain to go away. Unless you start working on your irrational thought patterns, though, you'll only find yourself back in the exact same place as soon as your body does something else weird.
The symptoms aren't the problem - I had weird bowel issues for decades, was too afraid to see a doctor and eventually they went away. The problem is the anxiety, and while working on it isn't necessarily going to provide the same immediate relief it'll make the pain and fear so much easier to manage in the long run.
Re: Need some support and handholding please
Quote:
Originally Posted by
BlueIris
The problem is that a private scan won't solve anything, although goodness knows I can understand the desire for the pain to go away. Unless you start working on your irrational thought patterns, though, you'll only find yourself back in the exact same place as soon as your body does something else weird.
The symptoms aren't the problem - I had weird bowel issues for decades, was too afraid to see a doctor and eventually they went away. The problem is the anxiety, and while working on it isn't necessarily going to provide the same immediate relief it'll make the pain and fear so much easier to manage in the long run.
I know but my issue at the moment as well is losing weight. I am not trying to lose weight but it is dropping off me. Why is that? Had anxiety going on 13 years and I've never lost weight with it.
Re: Need some support and handholding please
People's anxiety patterns change over the years. You've said yourself that you're not eating properly and you're in an active job. Of course the weight is going to fall off.
Re: Need some support and handholding please
Quote:
Originally Posted by
BlueIris
People's anxiety patterns change over the years. You've said yourself that you're not eating properly and you're in an active job. Of course the weight is going to fall off.
That's what I keep telling myself. I am so nervous about this scan but it has to be done. I will keep you all updated.. I'm praying so much for a good outcome and for them to say all is well in that department. Not out the woods but at least it is one less thing for me to worry about as ATM that's all I am worrying about. I can't believe what a state I am in. I feel so guilty on my husband he just went out crying saying that I am upsetting him. I don't mean to upset anyone :(
Re: Need some support and handholding please
We all know you don't mean to. I actually went on SSRIs after seeing how unhappy my HA was making my husband. I'm annoying him a bit at the moment with my current worries, but they're starting to pass over now.
Re: Need some support and handholding please
I think there are elements of great awareness in your posts AS92, I can sense a lot of myself (some years ago) in how you describe your behaviour and thought processes. I feel you are close to finding a way through this, and close to processing it in a positive way in my opinion.
Quote:
Afraid of death, but how is this living?
Absolutely ! So, lets think of your worst case scenario here - not something I do to many with HA, challenge this way, and no it doesn't mean I think you are about to pop this mortal coil. Today they find something wrong. What then ? You see, I had 'something found wrong' (very wrong) 5 years ago, and when you are faced with your fear, what do you think you do ? What happens after that, because that isn't the end of the story ? (HA is rooted in a fear of dying, being ill then dying, but of course nobody gets out of living alive anyway at some point in the far future.) I was like you, distressed, terrified, and the thought occurred then that accepting that 'things happen' and sometimes 'things need treating', if not now, then at some point in my life - because that is what will happen to most living human beings. Losing your fear of 'something being wrong' is the key stopping HA long-term. Today you may come out and have a clean bill of health, thats great of course everyone wants that, but then your fear will be just as bad if not worse next time you have a symptom or anomally. Reassurance, which is the mainstay of this forum, doesn't work forever because nobody gets through life without something found by the medics. So, I repeat......
What happens after that, because that isn't the end of the story ? What happens to those thousands and thousands of people each year who have a screening scan and it finds something ? What are those medics and hospital departments all there for ?
Re: Need some support and handholding please
Sorry you are feeling such despair and fear. When I'm in a spiral I turn to books to try and escape the scary thoughts. I'm reading How to stop worrying and start living by Dale Carnegie and although it was written many years ago, I'm finding it full of good advice. I bought the ebook so I can read it on my phone if I'm not at home and need to calm down. The other thing I find helpful is to listen to a fiction audiobook. Because I have to pay attention to the story it stops me focussing on my thoughts.
Something else you could try is not fighting or judging yourself for your feelings. This week I've had dreadful anxiety about my daughter's health and was feeling a huge amount of despair. Then I heard a podcast where it was suggested that when you are full of fear and anxiety you should set a timer for 5 minutes and let your thoughts and feelings go. I got in my car and drove to a quiet area and then let myself lose it. I cried and spoke all my fears out loud. I sat there sobbing and saying all the darkest things I'd been worrying about. Then, after about 3 minutes I realised I had nothing left. I'd said and cried over everything. Suddenly I felt exhausted, but a lot calmer. I switched off the alarm, went home and had a sleep. I felt a lot better when I woke up.
All the very best to you x
Re: Need some support and handholding please
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Carys
I think there are elements of great awareness in your posts AS92, I can sense a lot of myself (some years ago) in how you describe your behaviour and thought processes. I feel you are close to finding a way through this, and close to processing it in a positive way in my opinion.
Absolutely ! So, lets think of your worst case scenario here - not something I do to many with HA, challenge this way, and no it doesn't mean I think you are about to pop this mortal coil. Today they find something wrong. What then ? You see, I had 'something found wrong' (very wrong) 5 years ago, and when you are faced with your fear, what do you think you do ? What happens after that, because that isn't the end of the story ? (HA is rooted in a fear of dying, being ill then dying, but of course nobody gets out of living alive anyway at some point in the far future.) I was like you, distressed, terrified, and the thought occurred then that accepting that 'things happen' and sometimes 'things need treating', if not now, then at some point in my life - because that is what will happen to most living human beings. Losing your fear of 'something being wrong' is the key stopping HA long-term. Today you may come out and have a clean bill of health, thats great of course everyone wants that, but then your fear will be just as bad if not worse next time you have a symptom or anomally. Reassurance, which is the mainstay of this forum, doesn't work forever because nobody gets through life without something found by the medics. So, I repeat......
What happens after that, because that isn't the end of the story ? What happens to those thousands and thousands of people each year who have a screening scan and it finds something ? What are those medics and hospital departments all there for ?
What a wonderfully insightful post, Carys. You've been there, done it and come out the other side all the stronger.
