Overwhelmed by so much right now!

TRIGGER WARNING: Cancer.

I'm posting this in the female section as I'd rather hear from women right now (no offense). I'm spiralling with HA right now and cannot tell what is concerning and what to ignore.
I have 2 close family members (inlaws) going through cancer treatment and testing right now and neither is looking very hopeful. In fact the outlook is pretty terrible. I also know a few young women who have died or are dying recently and it just is pushing all my triggers about cancer and leaving my children behind. I'm actually angry. So many young Mums. I feel very sad for both of my relatives and am trying hard NOT to make this about me.

I am desperate to be rid of health anxiety. I've tried nlp, hypnotherapy, read books on the subject, meditation, yoga, journaling, praying. Nothing has worked if fact things are worse than ever. I know I am being negative and hopeless but I can't see a way out right now.

How do you stop the horror stories from making your HA spiral?

Hi Pearly Queen


I'm really sorry you're going through this right now. It must be awful to see your close family members dealing with these horrible situations they find themselves in. And of course when you have HA it's very scary to learn about this. Finding out about complete strangers who are very ill from cancer can very often be hard to deal with, but when you know the people it's bound to make it a thousand times worse!!


I'm sorry that I don't have any advice on how to cope with it. I'm a bad HA sufferer myself and hearing stories about people (who I know or don't know) can really push me over the edge. But the one thing that does help me some little bit is that these unfortunate stories are always out there. We know that cancer is happening all the time, and most of the time it's happening to strangers, people we don't know. And when we suddenly hear about it happening to someone we know or love, it just seems to make it more real. But it's only as real as it always has been.Being able to associate cancer with someone we know doesn't make it any more likely it will happen to us. It just kind of hightens our sensitivity and awareness of it, and it can also upset us because we know the person. But it still doesn't make us any more at risk of getting it than we were before we found out.


I know this mightn't be much to go by, but I really try to say this over and over to myself when I get in a spiral like the one you're in right now.


Have you tried any meds to help with your HA? I've tried a lot at this stage but nothing has worked so far. But I haven't given up hope yet that I'll find one that suits me.


I hope you find a way to get through this. Just take things one day at a time, even one hour at a time.
Hope you feel better soon xx

Thankyou so much for replying, your way of looking at things is actually a really useful tip. I will try to reframe things like this in future.

I'm not on medication and actually rang my doctors this morning and specifically said I needed to speak to a doctor about a mental health issue. I was dryly told to ring again tomorrow as no more appointments were available! I mean I know they are busy but for all the receptionist knew I could have been suicidal.

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Originally Posted by Pearly queen

I feel very sad for both of my relatives and am trying hard NOT to make this about me.

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I already replied to this thread but it must have been one of those times when the internet dropped out and all was lost. :unsure:

Problem is that you are making this about you, only it's not because you're a self-centred, but because you have health anxiety. This is how people with HA react to illness around them.

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I am desperate to be rid of health anxiety. I've tried nlp, hypnotherapy, read books on the subject, meditation, yoga, journaling, praying. Nothing has worked if fact things are worse than ever. I know I am being negative and hopeless but I can't see a way out right now.

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Desperation doesn't control HA - graft and determination does. You have to engage your brain and not use negative self-talk like 'hopeless' and 'I can't see a way out'. HA feeds on this as much as it does your scary health thoughts. You need to change the inner (and outer) dialogue to 'I can' and 'I will'. It doesn't matter how long it takes, or how wretched you feel, you are going to be well again and that's all there is to it! :shades:

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How do you stop the horror stories from making your HA spiral?

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Maybe stop thinking of them as 'horror' stories? The Holocaust is horror. Cancer is part of life because disease is part of life and this disease is overwhelmingly down to environmental factors because familial cancers only account for something like 10% of all cancers. And in your case, they are not even your blood family - they are in-laws. It's sad when anybody we love gets ill, of course, but you need to try and keep things in context.

I understand you though because nothing has scared me more than the thought of not being here to bring up my youngest son as I was almost 40 when I had him and 2 years later my own mother died - which kicked HA off and triggered Fibromyalgia. A big part of my 'recovery' has been the acceptance that there are some things I just can't control, and when I die is one of them. All I can do is try to stay alive (cue The Bee Gees) and make the time I am here as memorable, educational and as loving as it can be for my son who is still only 11.

My friend died of cancer when she was 46 years old. She left an 8 year old son, and it upset me greatly. My HA was severe at that time, so it was always going to trigger me. My friend though - the one who was going through cancer - was living her life and cramming as much fun in as she could. She took her family to America, Italy and all over the place. She made some very happy memories for her son to remember her by. When she died, other people stepped up, and her son is in high school now and enjoying life. We forget how resilient children can be..

I can feel angry that my friend died so young, or I can choose to focus on the fact that she took cancer by the balls and gave it a run for it's money. I never, ever saw her feeling sorry for herself. She just got on with life and made the very best of the time she did have, and, in the end, that's all any of us can do. The blessing was that she got to do all those 'bucket list' things and most importantly she got to say goodbye. She got to leave birthday presents for her son up to the age of 18. Some mothers don't get the chance to do this, and given the choice, I would take some time, over none at all. It's not lost on me that many people who have cancer say that they lived their very best lives after a cancer diagnosis. People can be alive for 100 years but that doesn't mean they've had quality in their lives..

If you can accept illness and death as part of life,you will control the HA, because these are the fears which keep us from living, and when I think of my friend I think the best way to honour her memory is to live the best life I can regardless of obstacles and make each moment count. X

Sorry to hijack but thank you NoraB. I’ve been spiralling really bad the last few days with health anxiety that I’m not functioning properly. Reading your comment has brought a bit of perspective for me.

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Originally Posted by Outofplace

Sorry to hijack but thank you NoraB. I’ve been spiralling really bad the last few days with health anxiety that I’m not functioning properly. Reading your comment has brought a bit of perspective for me.

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Glad to be of service. X

Oh wow Nora, you have me in tears but in a good way. You really should be a counsellor. So many people give 'tough love' responses but without compassion. Yours are always straight talking but said with genuine care and warmth. Thankyou so much.

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Originally Posted by Pearly queen

So many people give 'tough love' responses but without compassion. Yours are always straight talking but said with genuine care and warmth. Thankyou so much.

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You're very welcome lovely. X