Over Three Years On Zyprexa

I don't really know where to start here, but I will do my best to explain what has happened in the last three years before and after Zyprexa.

Basically I became ill just over three years ago. I began to have suspicious thoughts and very bad bouts of paranoia. I lived with this for months on end without medication. My days were filled with dread, panic, aggression, and paranoia. I would lock all the doors and windows and just sit in my room with all these thoughts spinning around in my head. At one stage I took a butcher knife and kept it under my pillow just in case they came for me and harmed me. My parents grew worried about my behavior and urged me to see a Doctor right away. I shook it off and got angry with them for even suggesting it. I wandered the streets some days accusing people of looking at me and if someone bumped into me accidentally I would fly into a rage and demand an apology from them by shouting. This went on for months until I finally (Temporary) admitted that I could be ill. I went to my then GP and explained what was going on and he immediately prescribed Zyprexa and told me that the thoughts that I was having weren't real and that with this new drug they would go away and I would become less paranoid and aggressive.

After a month of this "Wonder" drug I began to calm down a bit and my family saw a different side to me. They were delighted, I wasn't. There was always something that wasn't right. People were still plotting against me, that knife still had to be under my pillow. I was somewhat calm but these thoughts were running around in my head. They weren't as strong as before, but they were still there. I kept regular contact with my GP and on one visit he suggested that perhaps it was best if I went into St. Michael's just for a few days (This was one of my many trips there). I agreed, thinking that I would be safe in there. I made one friend called Lilly that I came to trust and care for. We attended OT together and nearly always met each other in the dining and smoking area. We were both discharged on the same day and I actually found out that we were both from the same town (Youghal). We went out for drinks, lunch, dinner and basically became the best of friends. I met Lilly one last time two years ago and we had a Coke together in the Roma Grill. That day Lilly talked strange but I just put it down to the new pills that she was on. I reassured her that with time she would get better and she was a fighter. A few days later I found out that she had jumped off of the Cliff Of Moher. Lilly didn't make it. I was devastated. Could I have said something that could have changed her thinking. I went to the funeral home to visit her and the coffin was closed. I said my final goodbyes and left her family to grieve.

With Lilly gone I felt lost. Who could I trust now? I became withdrawn and really went into myself. I stopped taking my medication and spent most of the time in my room on the computer. As weeks went by I was put on Valium and Ativan, but it took me a long time to start taking them. I won't go on about them because people on the Forum already know my history. Basically I began drinking heavily and in between then I met my partner and began dating him. I was drunk most of the time, but I did develop feelings for him. After months of dating him I moved in with him but kept my medication a secret until one day at a party in which his ex boyfriend attended I became quite aggressive and paranoid and lashed out at him. Let's just say that it all came out that night, but after talking to my partner and telling him the truth it was all OK.

Queue three years later and I am still on Zyprexa and still getting these thoughts in my head. My last outburst was nearly a month ago when in a terrible state I lashed out at my neighbours and accused them of constantly watching me. My partner dragged me off of the wall because I jumped it and was ready to attack them. I still fear that they are watching me and planning and attack on me as revenge. I am also terrified of my other neighbour's son, who I am convinced hates me and tries to sexually provoke me. I stay away from him and always close the blinds whenever he is around.

The latest fear of mine is that my partner no longer loves me and is going to have an affair because I have become sexually anorexic due to the high doses of Lyrica (GAD). I'm really wondering if the "Super Drug" Zyprexa is even helping at all? I really wish there was a special sub Forum for this drug because I am very eager to talk to other forum members who are on this drug. Looking forward to hearing from you guys.

I don't know anything about the drugs you take Edward so can't help you there but just wanted to send you lots of :bighug1::bighug1::bighug1::bighug1: because you sound like you need them today. x

Thank you Annie, and lot's right back at you :bighug1::bighug1:

Hi Edward, i take 7.5 of Zyprexa (olanzapine) for panic attacks and anxiety, it was like an overnight miracle for me when i first started it, it certainly helps calm me down and helps with the negative thoughts that panic/anxiety bring, i take 2.5mg in the morning and 5mg at night xx

Hi Nicola,

Thank you for the reply. I'm delighted to meet another Forum member that is on this drug and I hope that it continues to be a benefit to you :)

I take it along with 150mg of venlafaxine, i tried mirtazapine but that made me a suicidal wreck :ohmy: im hoping they'll come a point when i can come off the olanzapine when im stable on my ADs, ive read some of your posts and it sounds like you've really had a rough ride and my heart goes out to you :bighug1: xx

Nicola,

I take 20mg Zyprexa along with 45mg Mirtazapine at night and through the day I take 300mg Lyrica. Thank you for your kind words, but I'm just like you and fighting everyday hoping to get better. I'm sorry you had a bad reaction on the Zispin, but am glad you are now off of it and on a medication that suits and helps you :)

That is quite a story man, moving though, I'm on 15mg of Olanzapine at night, I feel that it does nothing to help me during the day but atleast I can get a good nights sleep on it. I was on a concoction of meds -Lyrica, Ritalin, Propranolol etc, once these meds upset and exacerbated my pre-exsisting Bipolar disorder, they stuck me on Olanzapine in hospital and still have me on it, but took me off all the crude addictive meds. my body feels better than i did on them all but I have terrible racing anxiety all day long.