Finally opening up

Hello.
I guess I'll start by saying I'm new to my anxiety but my anxiety isn't new to me.
I've always been a 'large thinker' in the sense where I have always thought of 10 deifferent scenarios all at once to a problem...whether that problem be forgetting to tidy something up all the way to issues at work. I have only recently realised that I have actually been anxious a lot longer than I thought.

I thought it had only just crept up on me again after being silent for a few years but in fact it's been simmering under the surface.

I work in a highly intense and creative job and so a lot of the pressure for my work comes from clients, reputation and mostly myself. I do pride myself in being a strong individual at work. I handle myself well and deal with whatever is thrown my way without delay...

I then come home make dinner for me and my husband ...
do more work for the next day.. watch some TVs maybe...

How it all really happens in my head is totally different. If I feel a tensing or pressure from a colleague or worse my boss (whom I love as a friend and boss they are a very good mentor and employer) then while dealing with it in my 'phone voice' I melt inside. My brain turns in a million directions and plays a hundred different scenes of failure in my head over and over each one worse thatpn the last.

I then come home and make dinner while obsessing over how my day has gone and if they are thingking of me in a negative way, will this lead to me getting fired? Will it lead to a tense work environment? What if I'm just being silly and then I let this silliness get the better of me and slip up at work and cause a problem?
I do my drawings for clients for the next day and all the while think that it's not good enough or not as good as that person or this person...so I'm constantly bringing myself down that way.
If I watch TVs I've noticed intense my thighs together? I don't know if that's a thing that people do but I bite my lip constantly and tense my thighs until they are exhausted and sore.


I'm not sure if this was a good introduction but it was a brief glimps into my life I guess and that's what an introduction is?
Well it's an open introduction at that.

Thank you if you've read this.
I simply feel ... everything all at once. Ha!

Snails

Peace!

Hiya Snails and welcome to NMP :welcome:

Why not take a look at our articles on our home page, they contain a wealth of information and are a great starting place for your time on the forum.

I hope you find the as site helpful and informative as I have and that you get the help and support you need here and hope that you meet a few friends along the way :yesyes:

Good morning Snails.

I understand where it is your coming from, working in a pressure filled career and having to please bosses and clients is never easy. From what you are saying you have been keeping the situation tapped down (buried) for a while. I can tell you from experience that only last for a short time. Eventually those anxious feeling come to the surface for release.

I am no expert, this a fellow anxiety sufferer. My suggestion would be to find an outlet for this bottled up anxiety. You could get into exercise if you don't already. Find a creative outlet writing or art. Try some counseling, that works for me. Or start a mediation or yoga class. That also works for me.

It seems at the moment you are heading down a road that your mind will only allow to get worse. Be proactive, breathe, take moments to clear your head. You will discover by doing that your work and personal life will improve. Allowing your head to race about worrying about the past and future only ruins your now. Best to you Snail on your journey.