For those of you who don't know, I've suffered from anxiety and panic attacks on and off since the age of about 10.
For years I thought how I felt was normal! Then I discovered it wasn't, and managed to pull myself through a particularly bad patch when I was in my late teens and early twenties.
I then went through a big chunk of time where I didn't have any problems at all, did what I wanted, when I wanted, felt confident, happy and alive.
I had a couple of bad relationships after each other, and didn't feel as good, but kept going.
Then my dad died. I really thought that it would "tip me" back over the wrong side of normal. But nothing happened till a whole year after he'd died.
I started going downhill in September, and by Christmas I was desperate, in the doctors surgery being prescribed Diazepan (which I didn't dare take!!!!!) I started reading around, and discovered a therapy called CBT, which I discussed with my GP. CBT was available "down the road", and he put me on the waiting list.
Somehow, I managed to struggle along without medication and continued to go to work and function, waiting for my CBT assessment.
My life, however, started to suffer. I didn't go out anywhere apart from my local, I couldn't go shopping or visit friends. Everything became a supreme effort, and my IBS flared up again, really badly.
Eventually, I started my CBT after a huge wait. I must admit, I was very unhappy, I really had expected a "magic" cure. I couldn't see how making myself go shopping was going to make me better. Surely all it would mean was that I could eventually go into town without feeling panicky and having a dodgy tum!
Not being one not to give things a fair try though, I persevered.
Last Autumn, I stumbled on this web site. I read the information, the posts and joined in, compiling a list of things to do. Although to be fair, I was very sceptical. I didn't see how anybody out there could possibly know how terrible I felt. I didn't see how taking fish oil was going to make my symptoms better. It might work for some of you, but then you couldn't be as bad as me! I'd even got so anxious, there were only certain food substances I could eat. If I went to bed at a certain time, I would be fine, any earlier or later and I panicked!!! I reallly thought that I was mad.[]Although everybody was very nice and supportive, I really didn't think anybody could possible feel as bad as I did!
I started to feel a bit better and then Christmas arrived.
I've never been a festive person, and having just lost my dear lovely Gran, I wasn't looking forward to this one much, so when I started to feel worse, I put it down to pre-Festive stress. (It didn't help that last year I threw a strop, and declared that I was to cook lunch for everybody this year). Anyway, to cut a long story short, Christmas day was an unmitigated SUCCESS! I actually enjoyed it, and nobody fell out. So I was very confused when I woke up on Boxing Day and felt worse - usually when you've got something over and done with you feel better the next day don't you?
Infact I started to feel worse and worse. My anxiety was steadily rising, and I kept bursting into tears at every turn! As soon as I could I went to the doctors, who diagnosed me with depression, and recommended fluoxetine!
Great, as if anxiety and panic attacks weren't bad enough - now I was depressed too![}]
Well I could either fight this or go under, so I took all the advice I'd read on the web site and thought in for a penny, in for a pound, I'm trying it all!!
Over the last four months I have been (religiously) doing the following
*taking my fluoxetine
*taking Vit B Complex, Vit C Complex, Omega 3 fish oils, mineral supplement
*attending CBT sessions
*cut down on my drinking
*joined the gym and go twice every week, working out for an hour + each time
*kept a mood diary
*kept a negative thought diary - and challenged them
*watched what I ate, and made changes to my diet
*tried to relax, and have at least one early night a week
*do some things for me
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