i'm 19 years old and i've been suffering from some kind of mood disorder for the past 5 years; ever since i smoked weed for the first time and it was triggered.

problem is, numerous psychiatrists and GP's have a had look, tried a diagnosis, and failed to provide the right medication.

i have been diagnosed as manic depressive, bi polar type 2, general anxiety disorder, and just plain permanent major depression.

however, the main problem is anxiety. i constantly, every day, about 85% of the time, feel horrible. i can't cope with high emotions and as a result of the years of constantly changing medications that increase in potency and side-effect potential every time, i can no longer be happy or glad.

i either feel incredibly depressed, and become very aggressive as a result, or i have such bad anxiety that i cease to function. its become a daily struggle against whatever i have; other people seem to live past me, and i often despair at the fact that everyone else's lives seem so easy.

in the past i self medicated by cutting myself and drinking large amount of alcohol to pass out and escape reality. as i grew older and more independent i moved on to hard drugs (never got addicted) but obviously, ( and i knew this) substances only ever make the problems worse. i'm seeing a new psychiatrist next month, who is supposed to be the best in the country, and hopefully he can make a final diagnosis regarding my mood instability. consequently i have not self-medicated for the past 3 months, also this does not seem to have helped.

i am currently taking a combination of seroquel XR 200 mg, lyrica 75 mg and lamictin 200 mg. doctors in south africa are very conservative so if i am prescribed valium it is never enough, and i am very wary of becoming addicted. however, valium does not seem to affect me that much in any case, so its all relative.

anyway, sorry if this post is whingy, but i suppose thats what they mean by introducing yourself in the context of a support group? i hope there is someone on this forum that has had the same kind of experience as me,. being a 19 year old student and missing out on their teenage years as a result of some random brain malfunction that refuses to let go.

if anyone is about my age, or older but knows how it feels to lose your teenage years, or has some kind of inspiring story of success, please reply to this post or contact me privately.

thanks