Scared and confused and worried beyond belief

[looking4answers]

I was just thinking about whatever they found on my kidney and in my kidney. They dont know what either is. It feels so yucky to know you have something in your body that isnt suppose to be there. Not only one thing but something buried deep within your kidney that could be anything.

Im so very depressed I cannot get interested in anything or be happy about anything because my mind tells me what is the use.I just went through the most terrifing experience of my life and now at home guessing as to what their meds are doing to me and wht is going to happen with this kidney thing.

Im so sad beyond belief and dont know how to turn myself around. I have lost interest in everything and cannot get interested in even a tv show. I dont know how to get back on track or whether I should even care about getting back on track. If you have been where I am please help with some suggestions if you can. Im so sorry about all the post and will try to stop posting so much but im so stressed I cannot even begin to explain. All things have lost taste and satisfaction im so lost....

[macc noodle]

Michael

You have just been through a very traumatic experience and survived! It is only natural that you may now be suffering a reaction to this and I am sure that it will pass in time.

Who knows what is around each corner we reach in life?

In time, I am sure that you will come back to the realisation that you have to live each day to the fullest you can - only yesterday your post was saying what excellent health you are generally in - following all these tests and examinations you now know that you are in overall good health.

Whatever it is with the kidney cannot be too serious since it is having no adverse effect on your vitals and bloodwork.

My father was diagnosed with a long term chronic disorder a couple of years ago and has had serious episodes of ill health and hospitalisation. He too have experienced the same feelings that you are now describing (having been a long term sufferer of depression, he described it as an episode of depression and I guess that he was right).

However, in time, and learning to let go and accept his position (which he cannot change no matter how much he wishes he could) and be grateful for his recovery after each episode, he has reduced the subsequent stress and downbeat feelings that he has felt after each hospitalisation.

In his opinion, acceptance is the key and not constantly questioning and pondering the situation. Hard to achieve, it has taken him the best part of a year to reach this stage.

Be kind to yourself Michael and try not to dwell on it and keep reminding yourself how lucky you are and that you did tell us all not to waste time worrying about the "what ifs" in your excellent and brave posts whilst you were in hospital.

Macc Noodle.

[looking4answers]

Yes I did give everyone else here a warning about whatifs and I meant it because I wasted time worrying I could have enjoyed. I now find myself wondering if I have addrenal cancer as I read about it and think that I have the majority of the symptoms,although they checked my levels for the things you look for with that and to my knowledge did not find telltale signs . This is such a rare cancer it only affects one in a million people. Talk about odds..... but then it says many of the cyst on the addrenal glands end up being benighn when there are the abscents of soecific chemicals and hormones,so maybe it willbe ok. Thanks for sounding in and ill try to keep going.Thank you

[Ddcoo]

Hi Michael, I really feel for you; You have just been on a very roller coaster journey. One one hand you have been given the all clear from the hospital and you are very grateful for that, then on the other hand you are in limbo awaiting the results of your kidney, so no matter how many positive vibes you have been given, the anxiety and panic feelings are still there, and you won't be completely free of them until you have the results of the kidney.

I have no easy answer to stop you worrying, as I have been in the same position as yourself, but I did get through it as you will. The only advice I can offer is just add up all the positive results you have had at the moment and put the information you have about your kidney into perspective, the odds are, with the information you have, that it is just a cyst. I am sure if it was anything else then the bloods etc that you have had done would have shown this.

We are all rooting for you Michael and will be with you every step of the way. I know you are stressing all the time, but just try and occupy your mind with something enjoyable that doesn't take too much concentration, i.e. a jigsaw or puzzler book.

My thoughts are with you, God bless.
Sending condolences to your wife too on her sad loss.