My friend

[countrygirl]

is dying in hospital - he is being made comfortable but will not be coming out. He is a friend of my husband and I and has been very ill for many many years with kidney failure etc and he was in a wheelchair and he has always beaten the odds and come back home again. He had an aortic aneurysm and survived the operation and then he had to have a kidney removed and go on dialysis but everytime he has been very ill, sometimes in intensive care he has struggled on. This time his remaining kidney is badly infected and despite weeks of iv antibitoics he is in a bad way and too ill to operate on.

His wife has asked us to take her to see him on Tuesday evening if he is still alive ( he is in a specialist hospital hour and half drive away).

This is really really selfish but I am absolutely dreading it, I have been expecting him to die anytime for past 6 years but I don't want to see him as he will be, as you will all understand it scares me, its having to confront our worst fears.

Sorry for the ramble but just needed someone to talk to as I daren't say this to anyone else.

[daisydoo]

Oh this is so sad. It always amazes me how some people manage to figjt against the odds. I think it is normal to not want to go. Nobody wants to see someone thete care about in that position. And of course it makes it real. But you will find the strenght. Dont in anyway feel bad for your feelings.. love to you all

[countrygirl]

Thanks daisydoo. Just talking to you all made me feel stronger.

[lizzie29]

So sorry to hear what's happening at the moment. As Daisy said, it's normal to feel like that, so don't worry about feeling that way. It's amazing how much strength we can have when we suddenly need to, and I have every faith you'll do it. Of course it'll be hard, but I'm sure you will.
Take care x

[mel78]

Countrygirl, this is a sad story indeed. Don't apologise for how you feel - here of all places. It is natural that you would feel scared. What I will say though, it that being around the terminally ill or even being with someone as they pass away, is far less scary than the thought of it. The presence of friends and family is a great confort to people in that situation. You can do it - and it will mean so much to your friend and his wife.

[paula lynne]

Somehow you will find the strength Im sure, even if you feel dodgy...and only stay for a short time. I felt like that visiting my own mum in intensive care, feelings of guilt about not wanting to go only increased my anxiety and heartache. I was there at the end. It was important for my mum as she was able to hear me and nodded when I spoke to her....Its very hard, but will be so worth it. You can do it. You will be glad you did. Big hugs, hang in there.
Paula x

[countrygirl]

Huge huge thanks everyone.

I have been with a friend when she died in a hospice and I am actually glad I was there as it was peaceful and not scary at all. I am so glad I saw that and was with her as our imagination is much worse than the actual isn't it.

I will think of all your kind messages when I go tomorow

[kinnygirl1]

It's so sad. So sorry for what you are going through. It will be hard to see your friend that way but think how much it will mean to him and his wife that you are there. Huge hugs to you. x

[s11fyx]

so sad. but if you can find the strength to go and see him it would prob give you great comfort and closer you might always wish you had gone. im sure him and his family would aprreciate you going x

[Liliana83]

^I agree with s11fyx..