That time of year

[OddOneOut]

For me my depression usually is at its worse in August, but this year August seemed to be relatively kind to me. I thought perhaps I'd escaped from my yearly Summer blues, but it seems it was just on holiday as now, in mid September, my mood has become pretty low. I don't leave the house much at the moment. It's not really a conscious decision, it's just that I feel there is no where to go. I don't want to go out to the shops and spend money or endure all the panic that getting on the bus/dealing with shop assistants will entail. I know staying indoors does me no good, but it's hard to know what else to do with myself. I'm 30 now and really feel life is passing me by. I have no career, no kids, no real purpose to my life. I feel like I just drag down the people that I do know, my family and the odd friend I've made online.

It's 5am and me and the cats are sitting here. They seem to be fine with no sense of purpose, I wish I could be like them. It doesn't help that I have a stinking cold and sore throat.

I know I'm lucky in so many ways. I have my husband and my cats and a roof over my head. My life is so much better in many ways than it was when I was 20, but still I have the anxiety and the thoughts and the depression. My dreams are all about the past and about doing things differently and I can't think of anything to fill the future with. Days merge into days and there is no sense of change or difference, just more of the same.

[MikeyJon]

I think you've already hit the nail on the head! Counting your blessings is so very important to keeping everything else in perspective. I have been in your shoes. I was a bachelor well into my 30's and had been feeling rudderless for many a year. Then I met the woman who'd I'd eventually marry and start a family with. Have you shared your feelings with your husband? Perhaps his take on things might be refreshing! Or the two of you might even hatch a plan to shake things up a bit!
And you have cats! I don't have cats! Man...I want a cat.