I am 28 and my 3rd child is now 14 weeks old, my others are 2 and 4. Since having my first child in 2007 I have been plagued with fear of dying/illness, I even avoid blood tests where I can as I am so afraid I am going to have a terrible illness.
I wasnt diagnosed with pnd with my first child though I think it went undetected as I would panic every morning thinking he would have died in his sleep, if he didnt make a sound in the next room, I was convinced he was dead, I lay awake at night worrying myself to death about scenarios that never happened.
Only when I had my second child I was diagnosed with mild PND, I think this was mainly due to the demands of breastfeeding every 2 hours with a 2 year old in tow and relocating to a completely new area in the first 11 weeks of my 2nd childs life. This continued until I made new friends in the area, got a job and started to regain confindence.
However since Feb 2010 I have been through divorce, began a new relationship moved house again twice and had my 3rd child. I fear the pnd is creeping back as everything is now a chore, I have very little interest or joy in anything and doing the school run with my eldest has got me ill, literally panic attacks every night in dread of doing the trip with the two youngsters in tow as it is just so stressful, I am also constantly paranoid that people in the playground think I am a bad mam because some days I have to leave the young two in the car while I run in to collect my eldest, I feel people are looking at me and thinking what I loser I am, constantly. I hate this feeling, I never go out during the week apart from school run as I have no confidence and no energy, plus I dont know anyone in my area, this is so not me, I used to be a vibrant, confident, sociable, popular girl. Whats happened to her? And is there any hope of getting her back?? :(
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I often am too hard on myself, but I never see it at the time :S
