newbie who is very confused and worried

[D Watton]

Hi. I registered to this site to seek some info and guidance from people who may have or still may be going through what the way I am feeling.

Im 21, and have been a persistently worrying from as far back as I can remember. But I have been able to control my worries and anxiety up to now.

I booked a holiday with a few friends for this summer, im only back 2 weeks ago. Before the holiday I was under alot of stress, with work and trying to bring up my 5 year old son as well as trying to get my body into better shape for my holiday. I completely obessed with losing more weight when I was already below the average for my height and this did start to take over my life. On top of all this I kept on having dreams about my granda who died 2 years ago, and I have ever has anything like that before.

The time came for my holiday and I was stressed out as I didnt want to leave my son, and I was just so close on not going on it. But I went and now I wished i never bothered.

3 days into the holiday I took ill., sore stomach, lots of pain up my sides, alot of belching and diarrhea. I thought nothing off this at first as I was on holiday and I thought I had maybe ate something that didnt agree with me.
The pain was worse at night, and a few days later it just got to much for me to handle and I went to the hospital.
I went through alot of tests and scans, and was told that I had inflammation around my bowels and my kidney was also enlarged.. I wasnt so much worried about the kidney was I only have one so it would be normal for it to be that way. The doctors then told me that he would be talking to the surgical consultant as he thought my appendix would need to come out. so you can imagine me being away from home hearing this news, I freaked out big time.. The doctoer then came back to me to say I was okay to leave the hospital so I was sooo confused and I was still no better off.

I left the hospital and for the rest of my holiday its as if i was living a dream?? if that makes any sense.. Looking back i can remember certain things about the holiday but it feels like i lived it years ago instead of only a few weeks.
Since I have been back home I still feel the same, Im getting to the stage were im questioning my existence and i feel sooo far away from my son and family. I have been to my doctor who took some tests and said I had helicobacter so I have finished my tablets and I still feel no better.. I have been reading up on IBS and all the arrows seem to point to that, but what is troubling me is this feeling of im not living and im in a dream. I thought being at home around my family would make this feeling go away and to be honest its making it worse because I still feel soo far away from them even though im right beside them.

[diane07]

Hi D Watton

A huge warm welcome to nmp.

You'll get loads of advice and support here and make some lovely friends along the way.

Best wishes

[Whyme]

Welcome

I new here myself with many many questions.It's comforting to know other are out there too and have a place to go to get help or comfort ot just someone who understands and will listen

[D Watton]

yea I know, I honestly ever thought anyone else would be feeling the way I am. When I found this site I was just to relieved knowing that there is people out there to talk to

[daybyday]

[wangus]

Hi. I am sorry to hear your situation. It sounds similar to things I have experienced. (Look at my introduction forum for background.) I have experienced IBS to a near crippling degree in the past. Doctor gave me tablets. I had blood tests, X-rays, ultrasounds, stool samples, etc, and all negative. I was convinced I was dying of some horrible cancer. Gradually symptoms disapperaed, though occasionally come back. No logic. The GUT is ultra sensitive to stress. The fact that it all happened on holiday makes me think it was purely related to anxiety. That is what used to happen to me. I would be glued to the toilet seat. (I won't say it's just in your head, as I know how REAL it is. Been there.) I used to avoid social situations. When I would go somewhere new, would scout out exits and toilets before I could even try to settle.
The one thing which helped me immensely was listening to Paul Mckenna CD entitled confidence. Get it free from library, copy the CD, and listen on headphones. (Don't spend money - not necessary.) I also downloaded a few hypnosis cds from the net, and had ONE, and only ONE Hypnotherapy session. I found a "place" to go back to in times of stress. A bit like meditating, and it WORKS, to this day. (Not to be crude, but mine involves an unforgettable moment during an intimate encounter 12 years ago.) You must put yourself first, and go out and do things. Your child is obviously special, but make YOU time. Don't sit in front of TV or facebook. I play golf... I'm waffling now, but you can beat this. You are doing the right thing my addressing it and asking questions. To be continued......

[D Watton]

hi, thanks for the reply... Yes I can definitely relate to your experiences, I too am having worries that I have Cancer. Im finding it hard to talk to anyone about how I feel, and it very hard to keep things like this in. Deep down I know I dont have cancer but that doesnt stop the worry and I feel so bad because I feel like im mocking someone who is really suffering from the illness.. It just feels like im not worrying more than someone who has been diagnosed with Cancer. I was at doctors today and i was told i have too much acid in stomach, fair enough thats okay but when does this weirdness off feeling like im living a dream go away? I personally think Im coping quite well, but clearly im not if im still doubting my existence as well as constantly thinking I have some disease.. I went into work today to give my sick note in, and someone said I looked yellow so now I have been worried about that all day... I just want to start feeling like myself again and to be able to control this worry! life is just passing me by and I dont feel like im part of it! :(

[wangus]

1)Regarding the stomach acid, again, frighteningly similar to me. I used to go through a dozen Rennie antacids every day or two. Had to do a barium swallow x-ray to check for duodenal ulcer. NOTHING. Doctor put me on Lanzoprasole 5 years ago. Slows down the production of acid. It is INCREDIBLY popular. Half my department at the airport were on it. NO side effects, totally safe, and in such widespread use you wouldn't believe it. It's a godsend.
2) regarding your observations about dreamlike existence, tell me if this is similar. I used to feel like I was watching TV, although it was my reality. I would feel like I was floating away, like a balloon. If that is sort of what you mean, I can relate 100%. I still get it occasionally. It just happens for me. I cannot offer any help on that, only to say that it doesn't get any worse (for me.) It usually passes. You are ok, and not losing the plot. Trust me.

My dad admits to being a hypochondriac. I may be a hypochondriac also. In fact, I reckon I am. Are you one? NOTHING to be ashamed of. Heck, better to err of the safe side. BUT, once doctors say you are ok, believe them. At 21 it is statistically unlikely to be suffering a horrible disease.

PLEASE try the Paul Mckenna CD and breathing exercises!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[D Watton]

Yea I would maybe say i am a bit of a hypochondriac.. But lets say i had a sore arm, i would worry about it but I would be too scared to go docs about it encase i was too find out something was really wrong with me, if that even makes any sense at all??
But if someone tried to tell me the pains in my stomach arnt real i wouldnt agree because I know something isnt right.... yes i have maybe caused it by stress or worry but i know something isnt right, that sort of does make me sound like a hypochondriac doesnt it??

I have went through something not to dissimilar to what im feeling now when i was 12.. I had this fear off death and I would not leave my parents side, but I got through that and i entend to do the same now. Only thing is when I was 12 i didnt have the responsibilities i do now.. Im worried about also losing my job over this and i have worked my ass off to get to where i am, so i know i realy need to beat what ever this is. But its this out of body feeling I just cant get the grips off. Its sounds like everything you have experienced only im consistently feeling like this, it doesnt come and go im stuck each minute off the day no matter what im doing doubting that im not dreaming. But i quess its just something i will have to stick out and not let it get the better of me.

Thank you for your replies.

[wangus]

I was diagnosed with General Anxiety Disorder, 17 years ago. It's not a horrible diagnosis. It's just a fact. It doesn't mean I am scared of particular things, just my brain is running at high RPM, with "too much adrenaline" is how my doctor described it. While I am not qualified in any way, it sounds like you are similar to me. (Let me repeat senior aviation authority consultant psychologists have cleared me to fly commercially: it doesn't mean you are MAD! Far from it.)
I went through an episode in University when I developed an extreme fear of death, and couldn't sleep. I still have the fear to this day, but as a I have read, "The fear of death is much worse than death itself." This was when my anxiety/ depression got bad, and when I first went to GP.
My out of body episodes lasted from when I was about 19 until I was about 30. I get them extremely rarely now, and they pass. I appreciate yours are constant, so I know how overwhelming it may seem.
Regarding the stomach situation, stress does cause all sorts. As I mentioned, I have IBS and severe Acid Reflux. After 15 years, it is normal to me and now I totally accept it, know no different, and don't let it affect me in any way. If you have have had the tests I described earlier, then you are clear of horrible diseases. I really think you should ask about Lanzoprasole.
I also developed a technique for dealing with anxiety. This may sound idiotic, but see if you can develop your own technique: You know at funfairs, there is a kid's game when frogs pop up individually from a machine, and you have to hit them with a play hammer to get points? They pop up faster and faster in different holes, and you madly try to smash them?? (NO, YES??) I used to think to myself that when the depression, anxiety began to appear, that it was one of the pop ups trying to beat me and get a foothold. In my brain I would say to myself "I don't want top see you you little *******s", and would smash them to smithereens, in my HEAD. May sound crazy, but it helped for me.