good doctor bad doctor

[Rugrat]

It started when I called to see my brother 2 weeks ago he said he had been constipated.
And he had gone to the doctors and they had given him a test to see if there was blood in his
Stools. So in my mind they were looking for bowel cancer anyway the test was clear and he is ok.

All my life I have had haemorrhoids and from time to time there would be a spot of blood on the
Toilet paper every few months ever since I was a teenager.

On Thursday 22/9/2011 I went to go to the toilet I was constipated so I strained I did not go
To the toilet but there was blood on the paper.

I started worrying from then on that I had got cancer of the bowel every day the fear got worse.
For 4 days until I was in a complete panic on Sunday 25/9/2011 I could not stand it anymore.
I said to my wife I needed to see a doctor my wife arranged for me to see an emergency doctor
I was in too much of a panic to drive there so we got a taxi.

The doctor was good he gave me an internal examination and said he could feel my haemorrhoids.
And that I have not got any of the symptoms of bowel cancer it is just my haemorrhoids.
But he said I should go and see my own doctor and arrange to have a camera internal to see why my
Haemorrhoids were bleeding and they might need cauterizing to stop the bleeding.
Straight away I started feeling he was not telling me the truth and that there was more to it than
He was saying. I told him that he was making me panic, and told him I did not want to do it.
He said I did not have to but I should. All I wanted was for him to say there was nothing wrong and to go away. I left him still panicking.

Monday 26/9/2011
I went to see my own doctor. My wife arranged the appointment, I did not know she had made the
Appointment as an emergency. when I went in to see him and tried to explain what the other doctor
Had said all he said was the only way to be sure I have not got bowel cancer is to have a camera
Internal and said what could he do for me now. as it was emergency time
And if I wanted to have a camera I could come back another time and talk about it he was useless.

When I left him I was in a complete panic when I got home I thought the only way out was to cut
My wrists. And get in to hospital that way and get the help I needed my wife stopped me and phoned.
My doctors and told them what I was like and all they said was phone an ambulance or the police
She did not do either I stayed on the sofa and fell asleep.

Since then I have been fighting every day to see the truth that I have not got bowel cancer. And to think about the first doctor
I saw and not the useless second one the last 3 days have been like a fog.
I am not going to have the Internal partly, because I am scared they will find something and partly
Because I really know I have no symptoms and there is nothing wrong with me.
The other night I found this site and joined but I felt too ill to do anything else

These sort of thing as happened to me before because I suffer from panic attacks anxiety and
Depression in time I will get over it in a month or two it well be nearly forgotten until the next
Time. I hope you can understand this and forgive my bad spelling

Does anyone in here ever get has bad has me
i worry about my Health all the time but this sort of
thing happen's to me only once or twice every few years

[crystal17]

Hello, this sounds really horrible for you to be going through. I can definitely relate to the feelings of anxiety and being absolutely certain that something is wrong, even when others around you don't agree. So please dont feel alone.

It might benefit you to talk about your fears with a counsellor, is there anywhere in your area that offers it for free? Or if you dont mind paying, you will be able to see someone quicker.

Does your wife know how deep your worries go? Maybe you could sit down with her and tell her how much despair you are in, and then you will hopefully have her support and feel as though there is someone else "on your side".

I've felt so much better since joining this forum, its so good to be able to talk about our fears knowing that the people here dont think we are freaks and are willing even to just listen. I'm really glad you felt able to post on here as its good to just get your worries out there.

There is light at the end of the tunnel and you have made a big step in just acknowleging you have anxiety with your health

[Rugrat]

crystal17
Thanks for your reply.

Since joining the site I have been reading the forums and time and time again.
I could say that's me writing that, cancer of the skin, or mouth, or a mole,
Or the bone, or prostate, and bowel,

I think it goes back to when my mother had lung cancer. And a doctor came
To the house and said she only had days or weeks to live. And said she would
Happily go up stairs and tell my mother she was dying, if I wanted her to,
She said they usually take it well. When they are told
I told the doctor NO. I was not letting her do it, and she left the house,
I went up stairs to my mother. And she asked me have I got cancer and
I said NO. You have not they don't know what it is, after 4 days my mother
Died at home with her family, around her has far as I know no one told,
Her in that time how really ill she was, she was 72 and smoked all her life.

From that day on I have had a terror of finding out I have got cancer

[crystal17]

You know thats interesting about what happened with your mother, it might be the key to your anxiety now. You say you always trying to 'seek out the truth' about an illness you may have, and that is probably because of you not telling your mother the truth about her illness.

I really do feel for you, it must have been devastating going through that. It's good that you can see a possible link between your mother's situation and yours now. Seeing a counsellor would help you to clarify your feelings more and then work on coming to terms with it.

The fear of bowel cancer is just a symptom of whatever torment you are going through emotionally...if it's not bowel then it will soon be something else, this is how health anxiety seems to work.

I hope you can find some support and a way to deal with all of this, let me know how you get on if you like.