First off I hope this isn't too long for you to read, so I have no problems with anyone skim reading or just reading the bottom.
In April 2010 I had my first Panic Attack, by far one of the worst experiences in my life, I thought I was dieing and actually collapsed paralyzed by fear for a minute or two, not to mention I was high on Cannabis at the time and was smoking daily. - Don't do it, Probably the main cause of my issues.
Needless to say I have not been the same since, I have been on edge for over a year now and it's been a tough couple of years. My girlfriend has been in and out of hospital this year after a severe case of pneumonia, currently in hospital for being underweight. I have lost a ton of 'friends' and seeing them around makes me so nervous. My dad attempted to commit suicide two years ago, the whole family was in agony over it, and lack of money and so on, but is finally doing well for himself and has a job now, my Mum had a near meltdown over her own anxiety and was highly depressed (also glad to say she is much better now) and I just missed my Uni place by a grade. I haven't given up though and I'm doing one more year at college.
My symptoms were horrible after my panic attack, I was so afraid of having another one that I was causing more panic. I had twitches that shot adrenaline through me, dizziness and out of body experiences that made me **** myself (not literally), tingling sensations in my limbs and an extreme lack of self confiidence and self esteem. From then I have made improvements, and I can cope with panic attacks to the degree that I'm not losing control of my body. Breathing Techniques are also helping me with this.
My depression ( mainly I think as a result of my anxiety ), has been on and off and I have hit rock bottom and come out stronger. Though my sleeping is still atrocious and I feel like I've been working out at the gym everyday.
I am now at the point where I can feel myself going down again and I am so sick of coping by myself and thinking so damn stupidly (negative and unreasonable thinking), sick of overanalyzing social situations to the point of panic attack, sick of worrying about how I'm getting on the bus and how I look getting off it, that I'm ready to face my own fears of acceptance, and went to the doctors yesterday, something I put off for a while.
My doctor perscribed me with 10mg doses of Citalopram which I have just picked up. I am rather anxious about the side effects but I do realise that I probably have experienced most of them before because of anxiety too. Tonight, after my dinner I will take my first dose. I've also been refferred for CBT, which I think is most necessary, I feel I need to change my thought processes. Anyone have any ideas how long that will take?
I really appreciate anyone who decides to take the time and read this, sometimes I feel like I bore everyone I explain it to.