feel like im getting worse and worse

[swgrl09]

This is so frustrating. Anxiety runs in my family. I usually was alright, had mild hypochondria but nothing that interfered with my life. I didn't worry more than I had to and was able to function normally. Then my mom passed away this past year of a rare, undetected cancer with no symptoms, and I was flipped upside down.

That was 9 months ago. Since then, I have suffered severe health anxiety. I usually post in the HA board, but now I am anxious about more than just health. I don't remember what relaxed feels like. I am very busy, working full time and going to graduate school full time at night. I live with my boyfriend, but he is away every weekend for work and during the week I have class so I don't see him too often anymore. On the weekends I am home alone, do my school work, and I think just being here by myself makes the anxiety worse. I go out with my family to distract me, but it is hard to be with them without being reminded of losing my mom. I feel like I worry about everything and when I don't have something to worry about, I find something else.

It just is getting worse and worse. I have panic attacks frequently, when I used to never. I see a counselor and have a new GP who said if I felt I needed or wanted to try medications she would work with me and the counselor on it. The GP is putting the ball in my court though, as she doesn't like to overprescribe and thinks it is good to learn to manage without if it is possible. I will be talking to my counselor next week about it ...

I really wanted to beat this without meds and really make some behavioral changes that would be lasting, but I feel like I am just moving backwards ... Any thoughts? What made anybody else decide that medication was the right move to make? I am worried about side effects, feeling zoned out, etc.

The ironic thing is that I am going to school to be a therapist (marriage/family therapist)! I even am learning relaxation techniques to teach others, and am told I am good at helping others. So that makes it all the more frustrating that I cannot seem to help myself.

---------- Post added at 23:02 ---------- Previous post was at 22:58 ----------

Also to add - the GP said if I did do meds, she'd probably start with zoloft. Anybody have thoughts on that?

[eva82]

Good for you that you are studying to help others! Once you get through this hard phase in your life you will have the knowledge and tools to help you relate well to others who are suffering from similar circumstances. One of the best therapist I had ran a group for anxiety suffers and he confided in us that he too suffered from panic attacks in his younger days. He was by far the best therapist I've come across so far as he really understood us and our worries/fears.

I am so sorry to hear about your mother! Of course losing someone you love so unexpectedly will always throw us for a loop...wether we have anxiety or not. I lost my grandfather almost two weeks ago and I was very close to him. I noticed that my anxiety is much worse than before although starting to become more manageable. I believe his is due to the increase dosage of my medication. Before he died I was on a very low dose of mirtazapine (antidepressant) and after his death I had a complete breakdown and my doctor told me that I should up it. That dosage combined with CBT therapy has helped me get through this tough time in my life.

I am still very far from where I need to be, but I am beginning to see that there is hope for me yet! My advice to you would be to continue seeing your therapist and if yu feel up to it start on a low dose of zoloft. This medication worked wonders for my friend who was going through a really rough time dealing with health anxiety as her mom was fighting breast cancer. With a low dose you shouldn't experience too many side effects. I too was worried about feeling zombie like or zoned out. Truth be told, the first two or three I was very tired and did zone out here and there, but that quickly wore off. Let us know what you decide to do, and I wish you the best!