Having a really bad day today

[Button1]

Hi- I've posted on the forum before about my recent troubles with IBS and HA. Basically I had persistent but unexplained upper abdominal pain and had blood tests, chest X-ray and abdominal ultrasound to find out what it was- all clear. The doctor has diagnosed IBS as a result. My anxiety (thinking I had bowel cancer) throughout this period has been dreadful and I've been put on Sertroline and am on the waiting list for CBT.

I just feel like I'm getting worse and not better- the pain has gone but I'm constantly ricocheting between constipation and mushy stools with lots of gas (both ends ) none of which I've had before. I do have normal stools too though. I've also got this occasional 'bubbling' sensation underneath my left ribs. There has never been any blood, weight loss, fatigue or real pain. I don't remember the last time I had a normal day either in terms of my health or my anxiety and it's really making me feel desperate. What is plaguing me is that I haven't had a colonscopy because my doctor feels that there isn't anything there and she wants to avoid me having more invasive tests unneccesarily. I just don't know how she can be sure that it isn't cancer without it and I feel that every day that goes by, I'm letting whatever it is get worse.

I'm not googling and I'm trying not to check things every time I go to the loo. I just can't get it out of my head and really just need to hear some sense please....

thanks x

[tobyjug01]

Hi Button. At some stage we all have bad days,so please take heart that you are not alone. I think you need to have faith in what you have been told by the Doctors,and with test results you have had. I also feel if the Doctor thought there was any chance of there being a problem then you would have the tests needed. Remember anxiety is a real nasty thing and it can make you feel all those symptoms that fit in nicely to your thought about illness. Mine is MS and if got just about all the symptoms of that,oh joy.lol I am aslo waiting for CBT,and cant wait to get started. Try and see the symptoms for what they are (ANXIETY),and not for the illness we all like to think we have. Focus on what you know to be true,FACTS ONLY,again not the negative bits we make up. Go on this web site living life to the full.com,as it is an online CBT course,and it does help as it helps you to understand anxiety a little more,and the power of knowing what is going on and why is a massive plus on our side,after all its the uncertentiy of not knowing is our biggest foe. Try to be positive and all will come good. Im gonna be mega jealous if you get your CBT before me. Stay cool and remember Onwards and Upwards,not Down and Back. PM me anytime. Laters

[Button1]

Thank you Sometimes I can really feel a deep conviction that I'm completely fine it's just now I can't remember what 'normal' felt like and it's so easy to imagine the worst. My doctor is being really sympathetic and is seeing me every 2 weeks until I get the CBT just to make sure I'm OK, which is extraordinary. But I don't think I can ask her yet AGAIN why she's so sure I don't have anything bad. She basically says that nothing she can say will convince me and I need to sort the anxiety. It's a bit of an uphill struggle...

But being on here really helps! I had the MS thing too- I dragged my husband to an out of hours clinic 6 hours before we were due to fly on holiday because my spine was tingling and shoulders were numb. Turned out I had a trapped nerve...

[valleybear]

Sounds like you have a brill Dr and there is no doubt that she would have sent you for further tests if she had the SLIGHTEST doubt that you had anything sinister. I have IBS too and it is a horrid condition which can become much aggravated by stress... (tell us about it!). Hope you feel a bit more positive soon, the IBS can and will improve. Best of luck. XX

[Button1]

Most of me knows that's true but there's a significant part that just can't shake this incredible fear..I've made myself worse now by googling and finding all these heartbreaking stories of young people (I'm 30) with bowel cancer. Probably won't sleep tonight which is all my fault...

[tobyjug01]

Thats what anxiety does to us all. Sounds like you have a great Doctor,and the type that would tell you upfront if they thought there was anything wrong. Please stay off Google as it adds to our stress and amps up anxiety to new levels. Yes it is an up hill struggle,but little steps over time make a longway. Take it easy and let me know how you get o with your cbt. Laters

[Mirabelle]

Button
I have HA about my heart. This means that other symptoms I get are just ignored or put down to anxiety. I have all the bowel and stomach symptoms you describe. I take notice though. if I have palpitations though I am totally terrified.
Hope this helps
xx

[Button1]

Mirabelle- have you had any tests done for your bowel/ stomach issues? I know other people have what I have and I can accept that this isn't always bowel cancer but it's the uncertainty that I can't deal with. Even if I did have the colonoscopy I can't envisage there ever being a time when I'm not worried about getting cancer. I don't want to live like this...x

[Mirabelle]

Button
I have never has any tests or even mentioned it to my GP. I just put it down to anxiety. It just goes to show that it's how we interpret symptoms and not the symptoms themselves that causes the problems.
I often think that if my worry was around cancer, I would have plenty to worry about.
I bet you just put palpitations down to anxiety whereas I get really scared of them.
xx

[Button1]

It's true- I do get palpitations sometimes and don't give it a second thought! It's weird what we worry about isn't? Or weird what we DON'T worry about! I managed to have quite a good weekend, though last night I started googling again and read all these stories about young people with cancer. I don't know why I did that to myself and now I can't imagine that I'll ever be free of some sort of cancer worry. I know that's the HA and I'm really frustrated that I can't kick it. I thought I was stronger than this...