Fear that it's getting worse?

[devin42]

I've had my symptoms for over 2 years, and at first the panic was really bad (how it began) but then it became a peripheral part of my life and I was really close to how I'd describe normal.

Then I got another bad panic attack around ten months ago, and a lot of anxiety. Still wasn't too bad, and I functioned as normal with a bit of worry. After that there was a two week period on holiday where I had loads of panic and (for the first time I think) depersonalisation, feeling removed when all I focused on was the anxiety. It honestly for the first time felt like the world was ending.

I managed to focus again with my mates in school, on normal stuff, and through distraction managed mostly to forget about the worry. Then came another really scary window of time (on holiday again) when I worried that it could never end...I mean a lot of panic attacks, followed by a spacey detached feeling, then anxiety in between, with a few brief moments of normality.

I got home and carried on life as normal again, though my calm was a bit more tenuous. I had a couple of panicky incidents followed by a few days of anxiety in the summer.

Then, I got panicky at the new college. When I'm not anxious, it's an amazing place to learn and meet great people. When I am, it's a lot scarier than the school. Now, even though I'm going out with my friends, in places I always felt safe in, I'm getting the anxious symptoms, really spaced out, awful concentration, detached feeling and panic attacks every day or other day. Based on this evidence, it definitely feels like I'm getting worse, and that's the main thing that keeps the panics going. I know I'm not going to die or that anything terrible will happen, but it feels like it's becoming a lot more difficult to enjoy the things I love.

I have these optimistic periods where I feel fine and can say - 'wow, that was just a false impression caused by stressed out nerves. When I calm down, these things will stop'. Then short hours later I'll have a panic attack and that feeling, those positive thoughts go out of the window.

Thanks for reading, any advice would be greatly appreciated.

[Veronica H]

Hi Andrew
I think you have done, and are doing brilliantly. You keep moving forward despite your anxiety and enjoying your life. It is always hard for people with sensitised nerves to adjust to a new environment, especially on holidays and starting new jobs, or going to university for example. As well as dealing with anticipatory anxiety, just the shock of new spaces, new lighting or lack of it, confined spaces and air quality will be hiting senses at the same time as calmer people are just concentrating on their introductions. The important thing is acceptance and the sure knowledge that this will subside provided you do not add fear to the equation.
My advice would be to set some time aside each day where you rest and meditiate if possible as balance is very important in allowing your nerves to recover sufficiently before the next task.well done to you for not allowing anxiety to close your life down.

Vx

[devin42]

Thanks, still very difficult though, because it's not just college but all over in places I used to feel great in. Also, it's not like 'I'm at home, now I can relax' - I have panics at home too unfortunately. Very frustrating.

[potato11]

Hi Devin

I know exactly how you're feeling! I've had anxiety/panic attacks for a year now. At first I managed to have them interspersed and even a few good days/weeks in a row, but something will trigger them and I'll suddenly see no hope and feel like I'm stuck forever and this really worries me. I used to be able to feel better at home, when I'd spoken to someone about it etc but gradually it got harder to find "relief" in those things, because I felt like the panic had me everywhere I went. fast running out of hiding places! lol.

I'm having a pretty bad week at the minute, this is due to several stressors - working a lot, (in a new environment aswell), having lots of uni work to finish, and a big meeting on friday with the head of Uni where they'll decide if i get kicked off my course or not!! due to failing two essays (though my anxiety is classed as a 'mitigating circumstance' so fingers crossed all turns out well - my tutor seems to think i have a very good case)

I've recently started an online CBT course

http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=91696

I found it on here. It's absolutely brill - I've had many better days since reading it. I'm still learning - but setbacks are part of recovery, and now even when I do have a major panic I use the tools ive learnt to calm me down much quicker. I'll feel absolutely horrible and be convinced I'm a lost case, but then I'll watch one of the CBT videos or books and realise where I'm going wrong and I'll feel much better.

It will get better!! PM me if you want to chat try the course!

[devin42]

Nice one, I was looking at that course as well.

It annoys me so much because I know how good my life can be if I can only relax. I'm still going on dates and playing gigs, going to parties etc... I just feel horrendously stressed while I'm there!

[potato11]

I know how you feel, I am the same. I can function, I go to work etc but like you say its just that awful feeling colouring everything!! I can find fear even in watching children play or other lighthearted stuff! But like i said, it can improve. At the minute I'm learning to apply what I've learnt from the CBT, at the minute I can still feel bad but i manage to keep it at a low level and reason with it. Fingers crossed soon I will have mastered it! I had a great couple of days after first reading the course. Then the setbacks arrived and of course that terrifies you because you think "I SHOULD KNOW WHAT IM DOING WHAT THE HELLS WRONG?!?!" haha but I'm getting there

[Jackiemadbird]

I like what I have read and yes I feel like I am getting worse and just get scared and cannot cope with the anxiety attacks and the severe headaches. I automatically start getting a sick feeling and my breathing goes and I just want to run away and hide. I need to master them but just don't know how to? X

[devin42]

Trouble is, when I get really anxious, I go:
-What if the course's wrong?
-What if it doesn't relate to me?
-What if it's too late to help me?
etc...which sends me into a really down state, and then I don't want to do it.