Sick of pretending

[Humly]

I thought I was doing ok today, was starting to feel a bit more positive but now I feel like I am slipping back again and I am on the verge of breaking down and crying. I dont want to go to work tomorrow where everyone will be asking if I am ok and I'll be lying and say that I am fine. I am totally over reacting to my current set of problems, I know I am, but I cant stop myself. I am sick of putting on a front when deep down I just want to curl up and hide. Will I ever get through this? Sorry folks just feeling sorry for myself.

[nicola1980]

Hey hun, u will gey thro this but it will take time..........if ur anything like me u want immediate results but im afraid it doesn't work like that, im so impatient to feel 'normal' again that i think thats half my problem cause i am constantly thinking how im feeling!! I know u don' like to use ur diazepam but thats why the doc gave it to u for times like this.....i hated using it at first (still do if im honest) and my hubby or mum used to literally have to force 1 down me!!!, please use them this week to help u thro and then maybe go back to ur docs and see about some AD's xx

[ronski]

Humly this rollercoaster of emotions is perfectly normal with anxiety. Go to work and accept that you will feel anxious, frustrated and wishing you were normal like everybody else. If you tense against your feelings more adrenaline will be released so face your issues and then use acceptance that yes symptoms, sensations will appear but just get on with your work taking no notice of them. Things will get better but yes it's an up and down ride.

[Humly]

Thanks. I know what you mean as I am always thinking about how I am feeling and I'm finding it very hard to distract myself. I wish I could just stop imagining the worst about everything. Things are usually not a bad as I think they are going to be. I also have health anxiety and the things I've worried about in the past have all come to absolutely nothing. Funnily enough I have no health worries at the moment as i am worried about this stuff. Dont know whats worse.

[nicola1980]

im still always constantly thinking how im feeling and i look at other people and think 'god i wish i was like u' but we don't know deep down how they feel?? Ill always remember my mum saying to me when i got 'ill' that it only takes something small to knock u down but its a blinkin long climb back up and its true!! its such a rollercoaster of emotions and it feels like ur climbing a mountain and when u get halfway something knocks u down again, i get so frustrated with myself and thats when i get myself all worked up xx

[Humly]

Thank you Nicola. I will try and ride this out. And thank you Ronski. I do have to accept things the way they are. Just hope I dont start crying at work. They know whats happening and are very sympathetic, in fact when people are nice to me i start crying.

[theharvestmouse]

Try not to put pressure on yourself by how you are feeling, I know its hard, I am doing it but it does not help.

[Jamesk]

Please don't say you are over reacting - if that is how we feel, it is not an over reaction it is our reality- hope you feel better soon.

[Humly]

Thanks guys. Over reacting is what I do best and I cant seem to stop myself. I am reacting to a situation which has happened and I cant do anything to change it, only worry about the future which will probably not be as bad as I imagine. I do it all the time - you wouldnt believe the things I have worried about. But this time its got out of control and its going to take a while for me to sort it out.

[ronski]

Humly if you go to work and cope with anxiety you are a very brave and strong person. If you want to cry then make your excuse and go to the toilet and let it happen. Harvest mouse it will happen with time, look at how you are looking and feeling about your symptoms and sensations. If you still think I just wish these would not come or getting frustrated in any way with them then that is not acceptance.
Acceptance is absolutely not reacting in anyway to those symptoms or sensations, it is hard but very very effective. The reason it works is that if you do not react then absolutely no stress hormones are released so your nervous system starts a process of repair leading to normal sensitisation. This unfortunately can take months, around 90 days and each time you react then you delay the healing process but that's natural and that's why it's a roller coaster of a ride.